Monthly Archives: February 2012

The Child’s Gift

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The Child’s Gift

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. Robert C. Gallagher

I just had the most interesting conversation with my daughter! It just dawned on me that, yes, she indeed is a young woman. She is no longer the child that I held in my arms. She stands taller than me for goodness sake! I am proud of her, she just graduated early and is finding her path in life. My sincerest hope is that she follows her artistic path or “autistic path” as I affectionately call it. Being artistic is such a pain in the ass and she knows it too. We talked about how being an artist can cause you a lot of pain. The painting at the top of my blog is one of hers. She never ceases to amaze me with her abilities. I am a very lucky woman to have brought such a beautiful treasure into this world. And yes that is her picture on the blog entry, how lucky am I!

A Broken Mirror

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Have you ever seen a mirror when you break it? It busts into a million tiny little fragments. That’s how my life feels right now. I’m in so much pain right now I can’t see straight. There are no words to explain how I feel. It’s ok you can walk away. No, don’t grab the broom or the dust pan, don’t bother. It’s a waste of your time. Once a mirror is broken it can never be repaired the same. It will always have fragments of it’s broken image. I know you think I am depressed and you would be right. As Douglas Adams said it best “So long, and Thanks for All the Fish.” From one whale to another, “Bye bye”. Got better things to do than wait for you and all the philosophers to figure it out. I like Douglas Adams because he said it best. He said the answer, but he died before he could ever bring it to light, huge bummer. Still, there is always that mirror isn’t there?

There is no song for today, no mind bending philosophy, just this. Sorry to disappoint you, but this is it.

I am Too Blind to See

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I am Too Blind to See

They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say ‘Shit, it’s raining!’

Ok, WTF. I went to the store last night and here comes that damn murder of crows. What is the deal?! Just when I think I finally am at peace things just get tossed. I feel like someone is trying to pull me into a twisted knot like a pretzel. I just wrote, not so long ago, about the “Omen of Crows”. I don’t seem to be able to escape those black bastards. I really wish they would stop following me. They seemed to be travelling the same direction I was travelling as if to tell me, “Stop! Don’t go that way!” Maybe I put to much cadence in nature but I can’t help myself because I believe nature has it’s own way of resolving issues, selective evolution and all that crap. I love Buddha, very much, but he really has to stop sending me messages. Nature has it’s own way of speaking to us and if we listen very carefully we can hear every subtle message it sends, although at times too painful to hear, so we choose to ignore what is blatantly in front of us. Maybe I am being so blind that I just refuse to hear or see what is right in front of me biting me right on the nose.

A Few Small Hints to Help Improve Your Pool Game

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A Few Small Hints to Help Improve Your Pool Game

A Few Small Hints to Help Improve Your Pool Game. This is an article I wrote on Factoidz about improving your pool game. If you click the link in red it will take you to it! Hope you enjoy!

Peace, Jaz

I Can See Clearly!

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I Can See Clearly!

A course never quite looks the same way twice. The combinations of weather, season, light, feelings and thoughts that you find there are ever-changing. Joe Henderson

It may be crappy outside. It’s overcast and it’s been hailing and trying to snow all day. Yes, it may be crappy outside, but inside I am warm and happy. I have just finished publishing another article and my school work is done for the week. I have two more weeks of school left and am happy to say that I have an A at this point. I feel blessed today because the last two weeks have been very rough for me and I am so proud of myself for maintaining my GPA. Yes, it may be crappy outside, but inside I am sheltered and loved. There is no greater gift than the gift of love. My daughter keeps sending me these funny little e-mails that just brighten up the day. You can’t look at some of my crazy 18 year old daughter’s postings on facebook and keep from laughing. Yes, it may be crappy outside, but today I am happy!

Jesse Billauer the Quadriplegic Surfer Phenom

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Jesse Billauer the Quadriplegic Surfer Phenom

Jesse Billauer the Quadriplegic Surfer Phenom. This is my article I wrote today about the great surfer Jesse Billauer. Please click the link to read.

In the Stillness We Find

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In the Stillness We Find

“Through return to simple living Comes control of desires. In control of desires Stillness is attained. In stillness the world is restored.” Lao Tzu

 It never ceases to amaze me how quiet my heart and mind can become when I choose to still the demons that threaten that very peace and quiet. Sometimes I forget the most simplest lesson Buddha has taught me of being still. I never take enough time to simply be still and meditate and I allow the world around me to become convoluted by my very own thoughts. Things have been so erratic lately I need to remind myself to take a little time with my mala beads and say my mantra at least once daily. As chaotic as my life has been lately I need to do this every chance I get. We forget sometimes that that very stillness of our hearts and minds will only serve to help us, particularly in times of difficulty. Om Mani Padme Hum, peace be with everyone today!

 

Rewards

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Rewards

Aquarius Horoscope for week of February 23, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
Nigeria has abundant deposits of petroleum. Since 1974, oil companies have paid the country billions of dollars for the privilege of extracting its treasure. And yet the majority of Nigerians, over 70 percent, live on less than a dollar a day. Where does the money go? That’s a long story, with the word “corruption” at its heart. Now let me ask you, Aquarius: Is there a gap between the valuable things you have to offer and the rewards you receive for them? Are you being properly compensated for your natural riches? The coming weeks will be an excellent time to address this issue. 


This was my horoscope for the week and it’s interesting. I always find the writer of Freewill Astrology to be interesting and I have followed their writing for years. I tend to look at it more on a philosophical nature than a true believer in astrology. This week is no different than many others, they have brought up a point that I think we all forget, about being compensated for our natural gifts. Someone was telling me just last night that I need to suck myself into my work, which I really enjoy. In many ways I receive abundant riches from the people who read my work, I think more often than not I forget to appreciate my own natural gifts. I will try to remember to treat myself once in a while for a job well done.


It’s Time to Focus!

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It’s Time to Focus!

We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what’s wrong in your life, or you can focus on what’s right.
Marianne Williamson

I must admit that my focus has been out of skew. I allowed myself to fall in a well of self pity and that was wrong. There have been quite a few changes that hit so fast I wasn’t ready for them. I promised myself that I was going to get on track, and I will. I will not allow my hurting to drag me down anymore than I have. Thank you to those that have read my blogs and shown care and concern, it’s very sweet and has made me feel better!

Music is My life

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Music is My life

Aquarius Horoscope for week of February 16, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
Jeep vehicles always feature seven slots on their front grills. Why? For the manufacturer, it’s a symbolic statement proclaiming the fact that Jeep was the first vehicle driven on all seven continents. Let’s take that as your cue, Aquarius. Your assignment is to pick an accomplishment you’re really proud of and turn it into an emblem, image, glyph, or talisman that you can wear or express. If nothing else, draw it on dusty car windows, write it on bathroom walls, or add it to a Facebook status update. The key thing is that you use a public forum to celebrate yourself for a significant success, even if it’s in a modest or mysterious way.

This is my horoscope for this week and it made me pause and think, “What is the one thing I am most proud of in this life?”. The answer came to me instantly, music. Music is the one thing I have always felt closest to, it inundates so many facets of my life and the clef note is such a pretty, exemplary symbol that I chose it to represent myself. I may not be the best musician but it is something I have always loved for the love of doing it, it’s never been about money, prestige, or accolades. 

This is a link to a song we did last year. It is a cover of “Rhiannon” by Stevie Nicks, I hope you enjoy it.

http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=83191408&ac=now

Facing the Changes

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Facing the Changes

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. Anatole France

Things have changed so rapidly in my life, it seems, in just a few short weeks. There are so many new and exciting challenges I must face, yet these same challenges frighten me. Every part of my world has just been turned upside down. The challenges are coming in my relationships with the people I love the most, my chosen career, and school is always a challenge. I am trying to be a strong person and face these changes with courage, yet there are times when I feel quite overwhelmed and would just like to curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head and say “To hell with it!”  But, I am a fighter, always have been and always will be. I am not one to just take shit and eat it politely with a knife and a fork. So, I say to life “bring it”, watch how this sister rolls and be prepared for the biggest battle you have ever lost because I will walk away from this and whether I win or lose I will be proud of myself for making the effort.

Omen of the Crows

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Omen of the Crows

A building gets torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that was true about everything: families. Friends. Feelings. But now I know that, sometimes, if love proves real, two people who are meant to be together — nothing can keep them apart.- Sarah from “The Crow

Last night I saw two huge trees just absolutely full of crows. I am not a superstitious person by nature but I couldn’t help getting a shiver down my spine and I couldn’t stop staring at them. I wondered, with foreboding, what ominous bit of news they may bring with them on their raven tipped pinions.  I have been having difficulty with a relationship for quite some time and I couldn’t help but wonder if this murder of crows was portending some truth that is only obvious to them. They say that when a person dies the crow carries the soul to the realm of the dead. I tend to believe that this can be looked at in different facets. In our lifetimes we have many deaths, many rebirths, and maybe the crows were simply trying to show me that it was the end, or death,  of one unhappy part of my life and the beginning of a new one. I like to believe that this is a good omen, of something bad passing away, of the crows carrying the soul of this bad thing away from me.   

“Eloise to Abelard” by Alexander Pope a Timeless Love Poem

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Expressions of Love

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Expressions of Love

Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit. – Kahlil Gibran

It is not enough just to feel that you have love or are loved. Without that expression of love being shown, whether it be in words, displays of affection or just simply saying those “three little words” that everyone longs to hear, without that, life can seem like a barren oak in winter. It seems like every valentine’s day all couples go through this dilemma of how best to express their love to one another. We search down the seasonal isle of red plastic wrapped hearts of chocolates, stuffed bears proclaiming your love for all to see, and the beautifully wrapped roses and flowers in a collage of colors sure to please the heart of anyone. Yet, sometimes the gift that is most precious and the hardest to give is as simple as a gentle touch, a warm gesture or just saying “I love you.” 

Kahlil Gibran on Love 

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden. 

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. 

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast. 

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart. 

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love. 

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

The Moon in My Eyes

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The Moon in My Eyes

“Then the noise faded and Legs squinted up at the sky, the moon so bright you’d never think it could be merely rock like the earth’s common rock and lifeless, merely reflected light from an invisible sun and not a powerful living light of its own…” -Maddy 

The other night I looked up at the night sky and couldn’t believe the size and color of the moon. It was as big as I can ever remember seeing it. It looked so close as if I could reach up and touch it. It was a light shade of orange and was so beautiful I wished that I could take it’s perfect beauty and carry it with me always, my own special moon that belonged only to my eyes

Learning to Fly

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Learning to Fly

Aquarius Horoscope for week of February 9, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
Maybe there is a soulmate for you in this world. Maybe there isn’t. But you can count on this: If that person is out there, you will never bond with him or her by clinging to a set of specific expectations about how it should happen. He or she will not possess all the qualities you wish for and will not always treat you exactly as you want to be. I’m sure you already know this deep down, Aquarius, but hearing it from an objective observer like me might help liberate you further from the oppressive fantasy of romantic perfection. That way you can better recognize and celebrate the real thing.

I don’t particularly believe in astrology, especially because I am Buddhist, but this week and the last few astrological projections from “Free Will Astrology” have been trying to tell me something and I really wish it would stop! I don’t know why the cosmic forces are messing with my world right now, and really,  could you knock it off!  I just only hope I don’t come back as a duck or some crazy thing like that in my next life, a good looking duck I would not make.

Bicycling the Winter Blues Away!

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Bicycling the Winter Blues Away!

Winter is nature’s way of saying, “Up yours.”  ~Robert Byrne

I got out the mountain bike today and went for a ride. It may have seemed a little brisk at first but it was a nice day and it surely felt good to be riding again. My legs were rebelling and begging me to stop, but once I got the feel of the pedals back into them it was nice. I rode as long as I could take the cold and my legs couldn’t take the burn anymore. It’s so liberating to be on the bike, just riding and not really thinking about the problems of the day. It’s a true joy and release to shake off a little of the winter blues. I am so ready for spring! My body is crying for sunshine and warmth and the feeling of a warm wind blowing in my face as I just ride and ride, not a care in the world, not a place to go. Riding on a whim and a warm sunny day is pure happiness.

Living the Dream

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Living the Dream

“Excellence can be obtained if you care more than others think is wise, risk more than others think is safe, dream more than others think is practical, expect more than others think is possible.” -Unknown

I like to believe that this much is very true. That if I strive for excellence and care very much about the things I am passionate about they will pay me back ten fold with fulfillment and joy. A great part of reaching this excellence is achieved in stepping out on the edge of the cliff and not allowing yourself to be afraid of the HUGE drop in front of you. It is to look at the fear of failure and face it head on and tell yourself I will not be afraid. For if I risk nothing I gain nothing. You have to dream big and face those frightening challenges ahead if you are to ever expect to achieve your goals and reach to the highest pinacles.

 

 

 

Back To School

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Back To School

“If you get up one more time than you fall, you will make it through.” -Chinese Proverb

I am finally making an effort to return to college after a long hiatus. It feels really good to me to finally be getting back to the books to finish a degree that I should have had a long time ago. Being back in school I am reminded of the work that is involved and I am reminded of how hard I have to work. I have done very well in school in the past and now I only hope that I haven’t been away from academia so long that I have forgotten how to study, how to write proper papers and how to put the extra effort out there. Sometimes it feels a little overwhelming! I am reminded of the time I went tubing behind a boat and nearly drowned, but I finally let go of the inner tube and was alright. School can be a little like that, I just need to relax and let go a little and it will come to me.

It’s My Life

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It’s My Life

 The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can’t get out and those outside don’t want to get in.   Brisbane, Arthur

I am having claustrophobia today! It’s going to be my 42nd Birthday on Sunday and I’m sitting here postulating death! What a maudlin person am I to sit contemplating 50 when I haven’t yet begun to live. I realize of course I am just being foolish and on that note I think I will go out and have some fun!  

Practical Magic

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Practical Magic

“Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.”   ( from Practical Magic)

This is one of my all time favorite quotes of all time and it fits my life in many ways. It coincides with my earlier blog on fear http://catseyesk.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/living-in-fear/ 

Living in Fear

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Living in Fear

 Charles Dickens – “Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the past incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present dragging its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes of awful pomp seeking but a moment’s rest among the long-forgotten haunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday and dimly finding fear and horror everywhere” 

I have lived my life in constant fear without ever really knowing it. I am just beginning to learn how much my life has been shrouded in fear. It has caused me to be unable move forward in a lot of things, relationships, my music, a lot more than I care to count. Whenever I feel frightened of something or insecure my first reaction, my knee-jerk reaction is to close up and run. When you come from a distended family that is not affectionate and abusive you do this as a mode of protection. It’s a way of protecting yourself and shielding yourself from things that may hurt you, it’s the same reaction we have when something is flying at us, we curl up and turn away from it so it causes the least damage. I went to a concert last night and while walking there I noticed how bruised the sky looked, the sun had gone down for the most part and the clouds were shades of purple, blue and gray. It looked much like a healing bruise. If the sky can heal why can’t I?

My Horoscope 2-12-2012

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My Horoscope 2-12-2012

Aquarius Horoscope for week of February 2, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
If you go to California’s Yosemite National Park this month, you might get the chance to witness a reddish gold waterfall. Here’s how: At sunset, gaze up at the sheer east face of the rock formation known as El Capitan. There you will see what seems to be a vertical river of fire, also known as Horsetail Fall. I nominate this marvel to be your inspirational symbol for the coming weeks. According to my reading of the astrological omens, you will have the power to blend fire and water in novel ways. I encourage you to look at the photo here — here — and imprint the image on your mind’s eye. It will help unleash the subconscious forces you’ll need to pull off your own natural wonder. 

My horoscope for the week! Boy was last week ever wrong. I thought I was going to be doing something and the complete opposite happened. Maybe this week will be different. I could use a little water to put out the fire that has been burning in my psyche for the past week!

The Gift of the Sand Hill Crane

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The Gift of the Sand Hill Crane

Yesterday I went for my evening walk and it was already dark when I came to the water wheel on Indian creek and could not believe my eyes! I thought I was surely seeing things, but no, standing right in the river was a beautiful sand hill crane. They are very common here but I had never seen one this close before and certainly never after sunset in the river. It was really magical, he stood there for a few minutes before launching into flight but I got a real good look at this beautiful bird and when he took flight the wing span was huge. Watching him was for me a beautiful experience, I have always wanted to see one up close and it seems last night I got my wish, what a beautiful gift!