Monthly Archives: April 2012

And Everything is Right with the World

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And Everything is Right with the World

As long as your intention is pure, and you know what you’re in it for, then you’re alright. And I’m in it because I enjoy it. I take it seriously… real seriously. I mean I could sit and talk all day about the music. Trey Anastasio

What a crazy weekend! I had visions of getting some music finished, reading the rest of this civil war book I have been on for a week now, doing some artwork and working on my garden. Oh, I did get somethings accomplished. One new song learned and one on the table, I’m 1/2 way through that damn book, that I am enjoying BTW, and I planted my sunflowers. Hey, that’s pretty good. I shouldn’t complain, after all we went and got my daughter her futon couch/bed that she wanted and managed to build her a closet complete with shelves. Hey man, I’m not complaining, everything is right with the world. my daughter finally feels like she has her place here and screw that civil war novel. I can finish that anytime. Everything is right with the world!

Time!

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Time!

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. Pink Floyd

I have been doing some reminiscing the past week and have come to realize a few things. Why is it that men age so much more gracefully than women? Just past 42 and I see the lines in my face of time, the scars in my face of the past and I still see a pretty face, just a different one. I find that I use more makeup now than I ever have in my life except when going out for a special night. Trying my best to disguise the lines, trying to cover the scars. I have also been reminiscing about the time I used to spend reading. When I was a little girl one of my favorite things to do was to curl up with a book and read for hours and hours. I would take whatever book I was currently reading into the bath with me and read. Many of my books had curled pages from the steam of the bath. I used to read anywhere from 2-3 books a week, now I find that I can barely get in 1-2 books a year. I think a lot of this is due to the fact that I am reading on a Kindle now instead of holding the real book in my hands. Somehow, holding a book in your hands, feeling the pages turn beneath your fingers, all of the things about reading from a book are so personal. Now, with my Kindle, it feels cold and impersonal and I almost wish I had my real books back. Kind of like I wish I had my other face back. Ah, but for the movement of time. We  all wish we could have more and yet I have realized there isn’t anymore. What I am allotted is what I have and I need to take full advantage of it. Yes, my face is going to change. Yes, my body is going to falter, but hell that’s life. I’m just having trouble adjusting to my “new” older face,  just as I am having trouble adjusting to a book without pages. Guess I’ll just have to deal with it and learn to adjust. Sure wish I had that mirror that the evil step-mother had…..Just kidding!

The Organic Core

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The Organic Core

Aquarius Horoscope for week of April 26, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
Singer-songwriter Tom Waits was strongly influenced by Bob Dylan’s down-to-earth album The Basement Tapes. “I like my music with the rinds and the seeds and pulp left in,” Waits testifies. “The noise and grit” of Dylan’s rootsy, intimate songs, he says, creates a mood of “joy and abandon.” That’s the spirit I wish for you in the coming weeks, Aquarius. Wherever you are and whatever you’re doing, get down to the gritty, organic core of things. Hunker down in the funky fundamentals. Hang out where the levels of pretension are low and the stories are fresh and raw. 

 

 

Once again Rob has hit the core of my personality with his horoscope this week. I prefer to live my life in a very down to earth fashion, less pretension and facades of unreality, minus the masks of untruth. I like my life to be fresh and raw. Sometimes, though, this can seem to cut a little too close to the core for my comfort. I think this is the price that all creative people face, I know I do.

Oh, for the Sweet Sounds of Spring!

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Oh, for the Sweet Sounds of Spring!

I am a contradictory mess but I see it as my prerogative to change my mood like the weather. Shirley Manson

With the changes in the weather I find my mood changes. I find myself hardly able to sit still indoors for too long when the birds are singing so happily outside my window. They seem to be singing come out and play. Hence, I find my writing seems to suffer the most for my vain need for sunshine and warmth. birds songs and fresh flowers. One can never get enough of birds songs and sunshine. 

The Birds Continue To Sing

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The Birds Continue To Sing

Faith is the bird that feels the light when the dawn is still dark.Rabindranath Tagore

I discovered something the other day….I discovered that my daughter can play guitar as well as my husband, if not better. What a discovery! I just realized I don’t need him. How liberating is that!!!!!!

In Case you were Wondering?

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Just a little FYI my name ‘Cateyesk” on my blog comes from Stephen King’s novel “Catseye” and of course the sk stands for Stephen King. I have had this e-mail name and blog name forever and it fits me. Stephen king is one of my favorite writers, always has been, but I also love Hemingway and Dickens. Guess I could have chosen BellEH or TaleCD, but the name Catseyesk fit, and I also have green eyes, so as the saying goes. Just curious about how other people came up with their pseudonyms… I also love love love ” Les Miserables” but I don’t think MiserableVH sounded quite right. Kind of sounds like I need to see a doctor….That’s all for now….Peace…Jaz

Rain Down on Me

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Rain Down on Me

Aquarius Horoscope for week of April 19, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
When rain falls on dry land, it activates certain compounds in the soil that release a distinctive aroma. “Petrichor” is the word for that smell. If you ever catch a whiff of it when there’s no rain, it’s because a downpour has begun somewhere nearby, and the wind is bringing you news of it. I suspect that you will soon be awash in a metaphorical version of petrichor, Aquarius. A parched area of your life is about to receive much-needed moisture. 

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT 
Speak the following lines out loud: 
I love everything about me 
I love my uncanny beauty and my bewildering pain 
I love my hungry soul and my wounded longing 
I love my flaws, my fears, and my scary frontiers 

I will never forsake, betray, or deceive myself 
I will always adore, forgive, and believe in myself 
I will never refuse, abandon, or scorn myself 
I will always amuse, delight, and redeem myself

What do you think kids. does the shoe fit, and should I wear it?

  • Petrichor (helianthusbloom.wordpress.com)
  • Rain (kirbyfullyloaded.wordpress.com)

Learning to Fly!!!!!!!!!!

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Learning to Fly!!!!!!!!!!

There is an art, or rather a knack to flying.  The knack lies in learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.  ~Douglas Adams, Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

My beautiful daughter passed her driving test with an instructor yesterday at 97% and I am very proud of her. Does she have her wings yet? No. She failed the written part, but that’s ok. I’m not quite ready to release her out of her chrysalis and see her fly away yet. I know, selfish of me. I simply can’t help it. I love having her presence around me. She is an amazing person and I think most of the time she doesn’t realize how beautiful she really is, not just in physicality but also in spirit. How on Earth did I manage to create such a wonderful person. I only hope that her friends and mate realize what they have in front of them….

Mary Mary Quite Contrary…

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Mary Mary Quite Contrary…

In my garden there is a large place for sentiment.  My garden of flowers is also my garden of thoughts and dreams.  The thoughts grow as freely as the flowers, and the dreams are as beautiful.  ~Abram L. Urban

I planted my seeds for some plants indoors and they are coming up beautifully. I am really loving watching them pop their green heads out of the dark brown richness of the soil. I am so anxious for May 15th to come so that I can mover them outdoors. The joy of getting your hands into the warm soil and running it through your fingers, seeing the dirt on your hands and under your fingernails and then watching the fruits of your labors grow is a happiness that is indescribable! 

A Garden brings a joy and awareness of life and new growth and is representative of positive forces in nature working to produce positive effects.

 

Creative Energy Flows

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Creative Energy Flows

Inspiration Deficit Disorder is about losing your vitality and purpose, and forgetting your original source of love and potential. It’s about the cost of being disconnected and unaware of your own unique talents, needs, and destiny. Jonathan H. Ellerby 

This has been an incredible week of creativity in my house and I am sooooo loving it! I have completed yet another drawing, this time of an abstract in multi-media. My husband and I went for a bike ride on Monday, it was such a beautiful day!

As as we were headed to lunch I spotted this very cool piece of disintegrating graffiti on a garage. I ran home and grabbed the camera and took a pic so I could sketch it later.

 

  

Among other things, I have finally figured out how to post our music on youtube, If that wasn’t an adventure! So you will be seeing/hearing some of our youtube songs/videos posted on my blog. Hope you enjoy. My daughter always has 10 times more creative energy than I do. She painted this skull and roses last night and I absolutely love it!

I love it when creative energy flows! Now, if that’s not enough Kira has a new boyfriend, Isaiah. He’s a very cool person. He is learning to play guitar, and I think that’s just what this family needs is one more guitar player. We already have 3 so what’s one more?

We are gearing up to play the Farmer’s Market and Kira, my daughter, has agreed to play with me since Mike can’t do it because he’s working in Elko, so the next weeks are going to be really full teaching her to play about 60 songs, some originals and some covers. It will be a lot of fun and I am really looking forward to it. This will be Kira’s first time playing live in front of a crowd. I know she’s nervous but she has such an amazing personality I know she will be fabulous! SO any way…enough bout that! Here is our song from youtube “Smile on Your Brother” It’s a cover we did of The Youngbloods…Enjoy!

Lay it on the Line!

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Lay it on the Line!

One of the best ways of keeping your temper in an argument, as most of us know only too well, is not to listen to anything the other person has to say. - Alice Miller

I love this quote, but it’s more satirical than realistic. In an argument it is important to listen to the other’s point of view so that you can fully understand where they are coming from. It’s hard to keep your head and your cool when you are arguing about something that affects you personally.  My husband and I don’t argue very often, because we are best friends, but when we do I know I have a bad habit of shutting him out and not really hearing what he is saying. Even if he is right somehow my brain just shuts him down. I think it’s a natural response to feeling like I’m being attacked. On the other hand I want him to understand where I am coming from also. Arguments can’t be one-sided. Both parties need to get their feelings out there on the table for the other party to examine closely so that a mutual agreement can be reached. That’s the hard part, reaching down into your emotional pocket and fishing out the root of the problem, however, if you don’t get to the root it will grow into an uncontrollable weed. Next thing you know it is taking over your backyard and you don’t understand why.

 

Love and Support

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Love and Support

Aquarius Horoscope for week of April 12, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
We all know that spiders are talented little creatures. Spiders’ silk is as strong as steel, and their precisely geometric webs are engineering marvels. But even though they have admirable qualities I admire, I don’t expect to have an intimate connection with a spider any time soon. A similar situation is at work in the human realm. I know certain people who are amazing creators and leaders but don’t have the personal integrity or relationship skills that would make them trustworthy enough to seek out as close allies. Their beauty is best appreciated from afar. Consider the possibility that the ideas I’m articulating here would be good for you to meditate on right now, Aquarius. 
All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don’t know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative.

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT 
Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don’t have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are. 

Wow! Rob went on and on today in my horoscope! He just reminded me of how supportive my family and friends have been in my choice of sobriety. They have given me all the love and support that I could possibly ask for and it is helping me make smarter and better decisions, thank Buddha for my friends and family! I honestly don’t believe I could be this strong without them and I love them so much more for it. If you or someone you know is struggling with this same problem please remember that your support and love can make all the difference to them and whether they chose to live or throw their life away fruitlessly. 

The Eyes Have It!

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The Eyes Have It!

“In her eyes a thought Grew sweeter and sweeter, deepening like the dawn, A mystical forewarning.” Thomas Bailey 

I love sketching eyes! I sketched this the other night from a photo I found in Boise Weekly. The colors appealed to me and I have always felt that the eyes are the window of the emotions and the heart. It is through looking another in the eye that we discover pieces and fragments of their personality. We discover how they feel and are feeling about other people, situations and life. When you look someone deeply in the eye you see who they are and what they are feeling on their deepest level. The eyes are truly the worlds greatest lie detector and they will tell you everything you need to know about a person in a matter of just a few seconds. The eyes can convey hate and love, peace and serenity, fear and hopelessness and pain. There is always the terrible conveyance of pain and a tear falling from the eye that is enough to raise your emotions to heightened awareness of another’s plight. Don’t fear to look a person in the eyes because that is where the truth lies.

Eggsactly!!!

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Eggsactly!!!

You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kahlil Gibran

I had a lot of fun this year decorating eggs for Easter! From top to bottom and left to right. My own design, Dragonfly, peacock feather, Om Mani Padme Hum, Lotus flower, my design, my design, flowers, dolphin, pink sunflower, heart, cattails and peace. I tried to pick designs that had significance in my life. Easter was wonderful this year. We had family and friends over, including my daughter’s new boyfriend Isaiah. He’s very cute and and a very nice person. Thank Buddha my daughter has good taste! Dinner was wonderful, except for the biscuits that I pulled an internet recipe for. Afterwards we had my homemade German chocolate cake and French vanilla ice cream. It is one of the best Easters that I can remember. I love cooking and sharing my culinary skills with family and friends. Holidays, whether you are Christian or Buddhist, are a time to give and share. They should be representative of selflessness and love…I hope all had a beautiful day…As Always…Peace Jaz

Rising of the Crane

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Rising of the Crane

“I will write peace
on your wings
and you will fly
all over the world.”
(Sadako Sasaki)

Please take the time to click this link and read The story of the Peace Crane It’s a beautifully sad tale about a little girl, Sadako Sasaki, that I found very touching.

This is my first drawing in the longest time. I have finally gotten back into the swing of doing some art work again and the first charcoal drawing I did was of this Asian Crane. I found the illustration of “The Farmer and the Cranes” in a book I have of Aesop’s Fables. Cranes are symbols of longevity and a rise to a higher status. This is a good starting point for me to begin doing art work again. It’s symbolic of my rise from a very deep, dark place into the light of a love so rich and filled with truth. A rise from ignorance to understanding of my own nature and the nature of those closest to me. A rise from stagnancy to motion. It is a very reinforcing image for me and I will carry it with me like the Crane carries beauty and peace on its wings, rising ever higher in the skies of love and serenity.

Peacock Presence

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Peacock Presence

For some reason I keep running into peacocks. It seems that every time I turn around some image of a peacock is crossing my path. It started a few days ago when I won a peacock necklace. Then when I went shopping at The World Market I ran into a peacock ring that I just had to have. Later that same night I went shopping for a journal for my daughter and guess what? You guessed it, I found her a journal that had peacock feathers imprinted on it. These are just a few of the instances, everywhere I go I keep seeing peacocks, peacock feathers and representations of peacocks. I think Buddha is trying to tell me something, and I think it is something very positive in relation to my sobriety. I’m still trying to understand the significance and since it seems to be a recurring theme in my life I’m quite certain there is an underlying positive message. Not so very long ago I kept running into crows, not just a couple, not even just a few, but whole murders of crows, and at that time I was in a very dark place. I never take messages from nature for granted and I firmly believe that the peacock message is meant for me to gain some better understanding of the nature of my new found state in my path to nirvana. 

From “The wheel of Sharp Weapons”, written by Dharmaraksita

In jungles of poisonous plants strut the peacocks,

Through medicine gardens of beauty lie near.

The masses of peacocks do not find gardens pleasant,

But thrive on the essence of poisonous plants,

In similar fashion the brave bodhisattvas

Remain in the jungle of worlds concern.

No matter how joyful this world pleasure garden,

These brave ones are never attracted to pleasures,

But thrive in the jungle of suffering and pain.


 The Symbolism of peacocks in Buddhism

 In buddhism they symbolize wisdom.

Peacocks are said to have the ability of eating poisonous plants without being affected by them. Because of that, they are synonimous with the great bodhisattvas. A bodhisattva is able to take delusions as the path toward liberation and transform the poisonous mind of ignorance, desire and hatred [moha, raga, dvesa] into the thought of enlightenment or bodhicitta, which opens colourfully like the peacocks’ tail. 

The mind of the sentient beings in this world is like a thick forest of desire and hatred. The pleasures and material possessions are like a beautiful medicinal garden. The brave-minded bodhisattvas, because of having realised the shortcomings of samsara, are not atracted to samsaric pleasures, just as the peacocks are not attracted to medicinal plants. The bodhisattvas, having the attitude of wishing only to work for sentient beings and not desiring any happiness for themselves, can utilise the poisonous thoughts of ignorance, desire, hatred and so forth in order to accomplish the works for sentient beings.

By eating poison, the peacocks’ body becomes healthy and beautiful. He is adorned with five feathers on the head, which symbolize the five paths of the boddhisattva and the attainment of the five Buddha families. They have beautiful colours, like blue, red, green and please other beings just by being seen. Similarly, any body who sees a bodhisattva receives great happiness in his mind. The peacock’s eating habits of eating poisonous plants do not cause harm to other beings. Similarly the bodhisattvas don’t give the slightest harm to any other sentient beings. By eating poison the colours of his feathers become bright and his body healthy. Similarly, by taking all problems and suffering upon themselves, the bodhisattvas quickly purify the mental blocks and develop their mind quickly, attaining higher and higher realization. Particularly peacocks symbolize the transmutting of desire into the path of liberation. Therefore, they are the vehicle of Buddha amitabha, who represents desire and attachment transmuted into the Wisdom of Discriminating Awareness.

Serendipity

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Serendipity

“There are no mistakes, just happy accidents.” ― Bob Ross

We had a girls night out last night, three generations of strong, independent women, and it was wonderful! We had decided to go to The Olive Garden for dinner but I wanted to get my daughter a journal that she had asked for so while they went over to get seated I went into Michael’s crafts to look for a journal. I was walking down the main isle when what should come across my line of vision but a Buddhist pendant. I have been looking for a pendant but had been unable to find the one I wanted. Bam! Just like that a a pendant carved out of stone of the two golden fish symbol in Buddhism was staring me right in the face.

The two golden fish represent *”the state of fearless suspension in a harmless ocean of samsara, metaphorically often refer to buddha-eyes or rigpa-sight; symbolises the auspiciousness of all sentient beings in a state of fearlessness without danger of drowning in the Samsaric Ocean of Suffering, and migrating from place to place and teaching to teaching freely and spontaneously just as fish swim freely without fear through water.” It is so serendipitous and so symbolic of the state of my being right now. It was perfect, and to top it off dinner was perfect and we had the best bonding time. I couldn’t ask for more!

*wikipedia.com

Badass

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Badass

Aquarius Horoscope for week of April 5, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
On Reddit.com, Kaushalp88 asked the question, “What is the most badass thing that you have ever done, but that other people weren’t impressed by?” Here’s his own story: “I was at an ice-cream shop. At the exit, there was a small raised step I didn’t see. I tripped over it with my ice cream cone in my right hand. The ice cream ball sprung out of the cone. I instinctively lurched my left hand forward and grabbed it, but at the same time I was already falling toward the pavement. I tucked my head into my chest and made a perfect somersault, rising to my feet and plopping the ice cream back in the cone.” I suspect you will soon have comparable experiences, Aquarius — unusual triumphs and unexpected accomplishments. But you may have to be content with provoking awe in no one else beside yourself. 

For me, staying sober is one of the most badass things I have ever done. I can’t even begin to express how freakin cool it is to be present in my life. I’m experiencing things on such a different level and the clarity is so amazing. The trick that the guy did in my astrology this week with the ice cream cone was nothing compared to the feat I am accomplishing with each new day of sobriety and peace in my life. WOW, what a feeling! I don’t mean to keep bringing up my sobriety in my blogs, but after all my blog is all about me and I’m here to tell you that in my happiness I am feeling very much like the center of a well balanced and peaceful universe. 

Bucket List Aspirations

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Bucket List Aspirations

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. - Henry David Thoreau

I have been meaning to write down my bucket list  for years and I figure there is no better time than the present. I have no intentions of dying anytime soon, however it would be very cool if I at least had a list of the things I want to accomplish before I die. The thing is, if I don’t get it written down I may never even attempt some of the things that I have mentally been promising myself I would do. I don’t know what the next life is going to bring, but I sure know that for this life, before I exhale my last breath, I want to know, in my mind’s eye, that I have accomplished something in this one. and what better day to start it than on April Fool’s Day…=). I guess if I don’t accomplish everything I can always say I was only kidding! So here goes:

1. To go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras for my Birthday

2. To visit the home of my family, Cowbridge, Glamorganshire, Wales

3. To see “The Phantom of the Opera” live at least once

4. To learn how to can vegetables in a pressure cooker (this is a good year to do this because I am going to have a large garden)

5. To read all the plays by Shakespeare at least once ( working on it)

6. To go to Key West Florida while I am still in good enough shape to enjoy it

7. To go to Tibet

8. To quit smoking ( big time! This could end my bucket list =))

9. Own my own restaurant

10. Write one book

I think 10 on my list is a good starting point. I’ll leave it at that for now.