Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. Plato
After a lay off for almost a year we have picked up a new contract for a local gig. It is such a beautiful change. No road trips, no getting home at 4 am after driving anywhere from 2-6 hours to get to gig, setting up the PA, playing for 4 hours, breaking down the PA and then driving 2-6 hours to get home, bleary eyed and exhausted. I won’t even go into the money. Thank Buddha I was never in it for the money! I must really love music, either that or I am a complete and utter fool. If you are not a musician you probably don’t understand the joy and pain that goes along with it like a mixed bag of tricks. You stand on a stage and are vulnerable and naked to the eyes and ears of everyone who comes into contact with your sound. Why do it? For a pure and simple love of sound and feeling that can’t be experienced or felt any other way. There is nothing like playing music. It’s hard to explain, I guess you would just have to be on the same roller coaster ride musicians are on to understand.
When the spirits are low, when the day appears dark, when work becomes monotonous, when hope hardly seems worth having, just mount a bicycle and go out for a spin down the road, without thought on anything but the ride you are taking. ~Arthur Conan Doyle
The last two weeks has been such an incredibly fruitful time, but I have hardly taken time out of my work schedule to take care of myself or spend time with other people. Yesterday was a day of work from the time I arose until I finally quit around 11 pm last night. The day had been intensely hot and when I finished up with the last song of the night I decided to go for a little midnight bike ride. Oh it was so cool and refreshing! We went down to the river and rode the green belt. The moon was showing part of it’s pretty face, the air was sweet and refreshing and all the cares of the day dropped away as if they had never been there. I didn’t even mind getting stopped by the bicycle police for not having a headlight on my bike! The joy of a bike ride can be such a release after a day of intense work. If you don’t believe me you should try it sometime.
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it’s just that it can’t buzz any slower. Kin Hubbard
I can’t believe how crazy, busy my life has been just in the last two weeks since the weather improved, and it’s not just the weather that is making my life crazy. For the last two weeks solid I have done nothing but spend 8 hours a day on the guitar. Now this may not seem like much to some guitar players, but for me, a lead vocalist by trade, it is a lot! It is paying off. I am doing some things I never thought I would ever be able to do on the guitar. My fingers hurt like hell and I have these fabulous callouses on the tips of the fingers of my right hand that are my badge of honor now, but it is paying off. Of course this isn’t the only thing making my life crazy. My garden is doing well. but it is a labor of love that I am really enjoying. Water every other day, weed twice a week and love, love, love. It’s paying off as well. My life is happy. I blame this bliss on sobriety. I can guarantee you that during the last 10 years I have lost more than my share of time and productivity to being on my face. I think of all the time I threw away drinking and I could just kick myself. If you have been there you know what I am talking about. Fortunately I am sober and finally starting to achieve some of the things that I should have done a long time ago. It’s sad that I could allow addiction to eat up so much of my life, but for me now everyday is a blessing and for everyday I remain sober that blessing is two fold! It may not seem like much, and maybe it isn’t but I will take it!
- Poem – Being Sober (cozyblanketsnowflakerepetitioncompulsion.com)
Every adversity, every failure, every heartache carries with it the seed on an equal or greater benefit. Napoleon Hill
It’s been an absolutely terrible week and I have been beating myself up so badly about some failures I had this week that I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept going over and over things maniacally until I finally drifted into a less than peaceful slumber at about 5 am. I awoke asking myself, “Jaz, what the hell are you doing this to yourself for? These are fruitful failures because they are the seeds for me to try things differently. Seeds to not making the same mistakes again. Seeds just beckoning to open into flowers of learning experience.” As they say ciest la vie, this too shall pass.
Ok so a new game….Who can think of the most obscure music? My eyesight is really bad today and I’m super hyperthyroid. My heart is racing and I don’t feel well. So, I’m thinking Judas Priest, Iron Maiden, I have a plethora of useless musical knowledge, so you throw it at me and I will find it. What does this have to do with me being ill? Nothing….LMAO but it keeps my mind off the demons at my front door. Thank you for playing…..Peace Jaz
The greatest healing therapy is friendship and love. Hubert H. Humphrey, Jr.
My next Beautiful Karma award goes to Katrina. She allows me to be who I am, vent as much as I want, and is a true friend. You can’t ask much more out of a friend. She even offered me dynamite when I was upset. So to you Kat here’s your reward
And here is your song
The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing. Steven Wright
Ok, so I have a twisted sense of humor. I have run out of steam. I’m grateful to all my friends here at WP for allowing me to vent. To Todd Lohenry and all you guys out there that are Dads, Happy FD. Sorry if I missed you, Todd is the only one I know for sure is a Dad because he posts about his kids on a regular basis, and proudly I might add…. If you are out there and you are a Dad, I wish a Happy FD to you too….Peace Jaz. I couldn’t think of a better song to dedicate so I went with Moody Blues….Hope it’s ok
No matter how many times I go over this in my mind I don’t understand. How do you just obliterate a person’s whole body of work over a 4 year period? How? I don’t understand….Factoidz/Knoji why don’t you just blow me??????????????
That song by Benny Mardones was one of my favorites when I was growing up. What can I possibly share more with you. That song broke my heart and meant a lot to me. I am having a hard time, but I will get over it…The next song on the plate is sailing
I’m not perfect but I am who I am
“Some birds are not meant to be caged, that’s all. Their feathers are too bright, their songs too sweet and wild. So you let them go, or when you open the cage to feed them they somehow fly out past you. And the part of you that knows it was wrong to imprison them in the first place rejoices, but still, the place where you live is that much more drab and empty for their departure.”
― Stephen King,
I don’t know how to let go when someone hurts me. I hold on to it, like a bird holds on to its pinions. I keep thinking it’s going to get better, but it just digs, deeper. Eventually maybe I will learn to let go.
I’m gonna try hard, VERY VERY hard not to be angry. Ok Nae offered a punching bag! I’ll take you up on that. JB offered a democrat challenge. I’ll vote. Kat offered me a solution. Ok I’ll take it. Kat I’m doing the best I can. I will stop being angry that I got screwed. So, here it is….I love you all
Truly, it is in the darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us. Meister Eckhart
I have been in a really dark place and I can’t seem to find the ladder to guide me out of this cruel hole I’ve dug myself into. My heart is breaking and my mind is floating in an abyss of lime green Jello. How did I get here? I think I need a change. I think Bill Cosby could bring me a bowl of chocolate instant pudding and I would feel better. Doesn’t chocolate pudding make everyone feel better? It’s cold and dark down here, won’t someone throw me a rope?
The important thing is not to stop questioning. Curiosity has its own reason for existing. Albert Einstein
I wish it would stop hurting. I wish I could stop crying. It doesn’t ever stop does it? It always hurts. Always. I thought I was ok, I lied. Sorry the pain never stops………….ever
“A lot of you cared, just not enough.” ― Jay Asher
That’s about all I have to say about that.