The Hardest Thing….

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The Hardest Thing….

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. Emo Philips

It appears that I am caught in some sort of karmic justice boomerang. I keep running into people from my past that I thought were long gone. I find, even after all this time, literally years, I still have trouble letting go of “stuff”. Believe me I try, but it isn’t easy. The Buddhist in me says that I must forgive and let go in order to move forward, but it is so hard when all these mix of emotions come welling up inside. You put on a good face and just try to pretend like everything is ok, when deep down inside you know it’s not. You’re standing there smiling at this person that hurt you, you are saying “Hi” and all the general small talk, and you know that you are simply putting on a false front, you are bald face lying when your smiling! I don’t know whether I hate myself more for being fake and pretending a false forgiveness that I don’t honestly feel or whether I hate myself more so for my inability to let go and go on. I am trying to grow as a Buddhist and I find that at times like this my faith and belief is really put to the test. Maybe this is karma’s way of giving them a chance to say “I am sorry”. I don’t know. I do know that two simple words go a long way toward mending the bridge of past hurts and ill will. With that I leave you with one of my all time favorite heartbreak songs…..

 

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15 responses »

  1. Cool song…
    As for karma – might be difficult, but would probably be good for you in the long run.
    If one carries too much baggage it starts getting you down before long.

  2. Great song, Jaz. Here’s something I heard recently: if you don’t react to another’s bad Karma–it kills that instance of Karma–at least for you. (a struggle I know firsthand) Also: wu wei. :) (evidently my tag phrase today)

  3. Uh, you are sooo on my wavelength with this tune, Jaz. It’s one of my “significant favorites”.
    I hope all deserved apologies are forthcoming, but if not (and even so, really!) I wish you grace and peace. ~ Lily

    • I don’t really expect any apologies love. It would be nice, but I know that people just aren’t “big” enough to apologize, so I just roll with it. I am very peaceful today, thank you :)

  4. Ah, thanks for such a great song, so comforting and nostalgic. it’s funny how we think we”re past the wounds until we see that person again, and we do all we an to keep those wounds closed. last time that happened to me, i held my tongue, and by doing so, my honor stayed intact. we can move on but the scars will always be part of us.
    z

  5. Excellent, raw song. Beautiful. ‘I’m sorry’ does go a long way, yes, but … ouch! At least you know yourself :)

  6. Perhaps Buddhism is not about you, or anything in this worldly state for that matter. All the Buddha wanted to do was to help humanity remember… who we really are. And here we go making a religion out of it. Just be true to yourself and NEVER deny your own feelings. You can grow through earthly experiences, but know this… u are not your experiences, emotions, concepts, thoughts, or anything that can be put into words. U are so much more… and that’s life’s greatest mystery. Thanks for the groovin’ music.

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