Let our New Year’s resolution be this: we will be there for one another as fellow members of humanity, in the finest sense of the word. Goran Persson
Happy New Year to all of my wonderful, beautiful friends here at WordPress!!! I love each of you. Everyday, the very best part of my day is to get up with my coffee and read your blogs. Each and everyday that you have posted you have let me into your hearts and homes for a brief moment in time and it has been such a joy. I don’t have enough room to mention every single one of you, but you know how you are, I have liked your words and thoughts and have even shared some of my thoughts with each of you. There have been happy times and, yes, there have been tears. There have been times that I have been driven to anger and times I have been driven to laughter, and through it all you have all been there at my side, and shared with me when I was wrong. For that I love each and everyone of you! Have a beautiful 2013 and I hope to share more with you as the next year rolls by. I will try to post a vlog later for you if I have time!
On that note I leave you with The Greatest Jazz Singer in my book, Miss Billie Holliday…
Here is our Xmas card to everyone. I wanted to thank all my friends at WordPress that have been following my blog, every like, every response, and every bit of feedback I have gotten from everyone over the last year has meant the world to me! Your warm responses have only helped me to grow as a person, to learn more about my own nature and helped me to be able to pay forward my kind thoughts and wishes to you all. Rosie and I hope that each and every one of you finds yourself happy, healthy and surrounded by loved ones, not just for the holidays, but for always! Much Love to you all, Jaz and Rosie
With that I leave you with Brenda Lee…
I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy. Tony Robbins
It’s hard to believe that I started this blog almost a year ago. I started writing this blog on New Year’s Eve 2011 and as it almost dawns on New Year’s Eve 2012 I was thinking back at the amazing amount of changes that have occurred in our lives over the last year. When I started this blog Michael and I had just gotten back together after a forced separation due to legal circumstances. We almost broke up several times at the beginning of 2012 and, in fact, I almost left him and he almost left me more than once. We both struggled with bouts of alcoholism, me more than him. We went through the AA program together and are stronger for it. This last year I have hit some of my darkest nights and yet at other times I have seen some of my brightest days. In the last year we have lost “friends” to betrayal and back stabbing, we have lost musician friends, but at the end of the day our relationship has grown stronger through all the trials and tribulations. We have grown closer as friends and our love has grown deeper. We have managed to regain something through our music, that something special that has always been the glue that held us together.
During the last year I gained some of the lost time with my daughter and grown closer than ever to my mother. I have become a better rhythm guitar player and taught myself to sing in Welsh. I have learned more about myself as a musician in the last year than I have in 42 years of life. We have played some really fantastic gigs over the last year, and have many more to come. I moved up in the writing world from being an internet writer to writing for a real magazine and making my worth for the articles I write. My photography editing skills are getting better and better and I am continuing to work on my dream collage. I have no idea when, if ever that will be finished. It’s an ever evolving dream journal in images.
I have seen friendships end and new friendships sprout. I have also seen friendships that I thought were dead in the water re-sprout with new life of forgiveness and understanding. With each dying flower a new one sprouts in its place, a more beautiful one I believe, richer in color and smell. At the end of the day, and almost year, life is very good. It is as hard as it ever was, but we are happy, and I know that come what may Michael and I will continue to grow together, to love together, and to perform together. Life is very good my friends!
With that I leave you with The Supremes and the beautiful Diana Ross…
Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars. Violeta Parra
We had a falling out, Donna and I did. We both did some stupid things to each other that caused a friendship of over 27 years to fall away, awash in mistrust and lies. We really stopped our friendship about a year ago and I won’t go into the reasons why here, it’s irrelevant. Needless to say, we have finally forgiven each other. It took some time and some work, but we are friends once again. Yes, we have renewed our friendship but there is a certain amount of trust that has been shattered and can’t ever be retrieved. No matter what I can always forgive, but I will never forget, I can’t, the pain is still too fresh, too new. So, we are friends at arms length. Is it good to have her back in my life, I don;t know yet…..That remains to be seen. On the other hand, my best friend, Brian (Boo), who is my daughter’s Godfather, pretty much blew me off. We were supposed to go do something together while he was here from Pocatello and we didn’t. He stopped in to see me for like a 1/2 hour on Tuesday and that was it. He has gone back home now. I had asked him to stick around and come see us play tonight at The Gathering Place, but he wanted to be home yesterday. It hurts that he didn’t make more time for me. Ci est la vie.
With that I leave you with queen…
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. Emo Philips
It appears that I am caught in some sort of karmic justice boomerang. I keep running into people from my past that I thought were long gone. I find, even after all this time, literally years, I still have trouble letting go of “stuff”. Believe me I try, but it isn’t easy. The Buddhist in me says that I must forgive and let go in order to move forward, but it is so hard when all these mix of emotions come welling up inside. You put on a good face and just try to pretend like everything is ok, when deep down inside you know it’s not. You’re standing there smiling at this person that hurt you, you are saying “Hi” and all the general small talk, and you know that you are simply putting on a false front, you are bald face lying when your smiling! I don’t know whether I hate myself more for being fake and pretending a false forgiveness that I don’t honestly feel or whether I hate myself more so for my inability to let go and go on. I am trying to grow as a Buddhist and I find that at times like this my faith and belief is really put to the test. Maybe this is karma’s way of giving them a chance to say “I am sorry”. I don’t know. I do know that two simple words go a long way toward mending the bridge of past hurts and ill will. With that I leave you with one of my all time favorite heartbreak songs…..
I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. Winston Churchill
How you treat others and speak to them is a direct reflection of yourself. If you look down on others and treat them with disdain what is this saying about you as a person? On the other side of the coin, if you treat each and every person with courtesy and respect what does that say? Recently I have had the experience of running into both ends of the spectrum. I have had one person that was so rude and short with me that I will never speak with that person ever again. This person treated me as if I was no better than a little bug under their shoe. On the other hand I have met some very sweet people that have been warm and inviting and in the end formed some new friendships. In the middle of the spectrum I have a friend who is incredibly self-involved and only seems to be focusing on their own current negative situation. They are so busy having a pity party that they are completely oblivious to the people around them and the difficulties of their friend’s situations. If you are hurting, this person is hurting 10 x’s worse. You know this person. Rather than focusing their energy on fixing the situation they blow their horn vociferously to anyone who will listen about their terrible situation and how no one is helping them. Part of the problem with this, beyond the obvious, is when a person does this their friends will draw away from them like pulling back from a hot stove. Truly, it is ok to tell people your situation, but always try to have a positive outlook and a plan on how you can fix it. No one is going to fix it for you. If you sit and cry to people all day, everyday, about your situation you are 1. wasting energy that could serve a better purpose and 2. Pushing people away from you as surely as if you were a hot, flaming coal of self-pity. No matter how bad your situation is it serves you better as a person to always keep in mind that your situation could be worse and you are not the only one hurting in this world. We all need to vent and let our friends and family know what’s going on with us, but it’s ultimately important to take the high road and if one avenue doesn’t work, explore other avenues. Eventually you will find the road that works, and never give up. No matter what, keep in mind that the things you spew out of your mouth can end up coming back to bite you and push people away. With that I leave you with the Beatles, have a peaceful day
For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. Ralph Waldo Emerson
I think we are all guilty of it. At some point or another we have gotten on our FaceBook, or our blog, I know that I have, and just spewed out all the anger or rage or disgust we are feeling at someone or thing we have felt treated us unjustly. I have done it in moments of rage, hurt and anger. Did it solve anything, absolutely not. Did it make things any better, well, I might have felt better for like 2.5 seconds. At the end of the day I came to realize that spewing that kind of anger may or may not reach my intended target. What I did realize is that the many friends and family and people I didn’t even know saw that anger and rage just as surely as if I was standing on the busiest intersection in the world butt naked. Do I want people seeing this anger and hot rage. No! Sure, I may be angry, but spewing out a diatribe of profanity and rage serves no purpose other than to alienate people you know and people you don’t even know yet. It completely turns people off. My advice to anyone feeling this kind of rage and anger at someone is to confront the person that hurt you face to face, not FaceBook to FaceBook. Take it from someone who knows, it will only come back to hurt you in some unexpected way just as surely as a boomerang comes back to the hand that threw it. Be peaceful my friends, if you’re angry don’t keep it bottled up, confront the source, don’t spew it out there for the world to see. Once it’s out there you can’t take it back, nor can you take back the indelible impression you will leave with all those people that you probably didn’t even know were seeing it. Just my Buddhist thought for the day and on that note I will leave you with No Doubt….
There’s an inherent thing in me where, if things are going too smooth, I’ll sabotage the hell out of them, just to make the music more of a sanctuary. Daniel Johns
When things are going well it kind of intimidates me because it seems I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. LOL. I know I should stop being a pessimist and cynical, but I think as humans we are all like this. Things in my life are going so smoothly that even a little bump in the road this week, a backstabbing by a so-called friend, didn’t even phase me. What is wrong with me?! The music is flowing well, by vocals are building back up to the level of playing with a full band again, and I am happy. We are all healthy and I really haven’t one single complaint. Money is tight, as always, but this is nothing new. So life is good. I will take the smooth road, thank you very much and could I have a large side of fries with that?
Mr. Mojo Risin’, Mr. Mojo Risin’ , Got to keep on risin’ ~Jim Morrison
I finally got my Mojo in sync with the balance of the universe. Things have chilled out and gelled as I said they would. I finally have some time to catch up on the things I have been missing the last few months, good grief I even had time to create a new blog called EZ Street A Day in the Life. What is wrong with me, LOL. Life is very good. I am having the time of my life getting in touch with my musical nature and meeting some very cool cats along the way. Of course there is always the good with the bad, life wouldn’t be balanced without bad vs good, but overall I am a lucky woman indeed. I have a husband who loves me and I am surrounded and blessed with some of the most supportive and loving friends a person could chose to have, including my wonderful blogging buddies here at WordPress. The other great thing that happened recently was that I thought my camera was hopelessly broken and it turns out that it just happens to be very picky about your choice of batteries, so very soon I will be posting more pics. Well enough joy and flowers today, it’s time to get to work…..Much peace and love my friends and if you have time stop by my new blog and say hello. I love hearing from you!
- L.a. Woman (inenglishinstitute.wordpress.com)
- Mojo 259 (jkcards.wordpress.com)
Absence of proof is not proof of absence. William Cowper
Hello all! I know I have been absent the last few weeks. I have had an absolutely insane rehearsal schedule getting ready for these big festivals. One down and one more to go on the 29th and then my schedule will mellow out. I hope! I have missed reading everyone’s blogs, it’s like missing my morning paper and cup of coffee. I hope this blog finds everyone healthy and happy. I have been so busy that I didn’t even notice the You Jivin Me, Turkey? had re-blogged my song “Of This Land”. Thank you so much for that, I am really glad you liked it enough to re-blog it, you’re the bomb baby! I had a few minutes today between rehearsals to post and let everyone know what I am up to. After a very hard 2 month song search I have finally come up with 15 songs for the Celtic Festival. They are going to be a mix of songs from folk Welsh songs to songs by Welsh musicians that are well known in America. I am excited about the song choice and the festival, but let me tell you, learning to sing in Welsh is no easy task! I have missed you all and will try to catch up on some of your blogs today….Peace, as always my friends, Jaz
Aquarius Horoscope for week of September 6, 2012
There’s a certain lesson in love that you have been studying and studying and studying — and yet have never quite mastered. Several different teachers have tried with only partial success to provide you with insights that would allow you to graduate to the next level of romantic understanding. That’s the bad news, Aquarius. The good news is that all this could change in the coming months. I foresee a breakthrough in your relationship with intimacy. I predict benevolent jolts and healing shocks that will allow you to learn at least some of the open-hearted truths that have eluded you all this time.
I am so guilty of this relationship infraction! I know that many women complain about lack of intimacy in their relationships with their spouses or better 1/2′s. I, on the other hand, hate being smothered. I love my space and I am guilty of not being the most affectionate person in the world. Don’t get the wrong impression, my husband and I touch each other and laugh and hug and kiss, but man I hate being suffocated. My husband fits me just perfect because he gives me hugs and kisses and loves. No, we don’t spoon at night and if we do it’s brief. I have one friend that has finally pushed me to the limits of our friendship. Every time he sees me he is always trying to hug me and I finally got to the point where I don’t even want to see him anymore because he’s always trying to put his hands on me and it makes my skin crawl. He thinks I am mad at him, and I guess in a way I am because I have told him to stop trying to hug up on me and he didn’t understand that he is an over whelming bear of a person that is overly affectionate. I really didn’t intend upon hurting his feeling, but “Hello!”, boundaries! I just hope my husband doesn’t feel that I am not affectionate enough….hmmmmm?
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Confucius
Ok let’s just get this out of the way right now. I fell off the wagon. Don’t ask me to explain how or why it happened, because I honestly don’t know. Am I blaming some one or some thing, hell no! I did this all alone. However, the cool thing is I have my program and all my friends rallied around me to brush off the dust and apply ointment to the skid marks. I am still loved. It’s great to be an alcoholic because I have a village of Indians that stopped to see what fell off the wagon and rallied together to see what they could do with it….Yes, I can laugh because I may have fallen but I am not down for the count. I am loved and for today I am happy and sober.
Friends are like roses…you have to look out for the pricks!~ Anonymous.
Even before I finally became sober I was slowly eliminating “bad” friends out of my life. It was a long process, sometimes they just didn’t want to let go, but in order for me to maintain my sobriety I had to let them go. The first ones to go were the ones that enabled my drinking the most with their own drinking habits, these were actually the easiest. The ones that were closest to me were the hardest to let go of because they are the ones that hurt me the worse. One “friend”, the one I thought that loved me most betrayed me in such a way that I will never be able to forgive them. This person had gotten sober and found “god” but they didn’t eliminate some of their worse traits and I inadvertently found out that this person was never really a true friend in the first place because they went after something very close to my heart and tried to take it for their own when I was going through a very rough patch in my life. This same person has been trying to get back into my life, but what they don’t realize is that once they betrayed me in that way there is no hope whatever that they will ever get back into my life ever again.
Then there is this “friend” that had helped me out through a very rough patch in my life. I thought that they were being a “friend”. It wasn’t until after I was quite a ways into my sobriety that it came to me that they weren’t really a friend at all. This person had kept enabling me in my drinking, even though I had been telling them for months that I wanted to quit, that I needed to quit, that my life depended on my quitting. I finally realized how caustic this person really was and is. I finally told them to stay away from me, not to call me, and I explained to them that every time I saw them it took me right back to that bad place I was in just a few short months ago and I needed them to stay away from me because the memories were far too painful. I told this person that if I saw them I would turn and walk the other way because just simply by their presence it reminded me of the pit of hell I was in and it was hurtful to my sobriety.
Fortunately now I have a whole new group of friends that are loving and sober and working on the same goals that I am. They are supportive and have been with me since the first day I met them on our paths to sobriety. With friends like that who needs the trash of old enabling friendships sticking around with its stench and flies buzzing incessantly around.
I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. It’s nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I don’t want to talk.
Yesterday I was in a very strange place. I was with a group of people I absolutely love, but I just didn’t feel like being around them or anyone for that matter. I had made a loaf of zucchini bread that I had made for Jim, a friend of mine, and the only reason I went was to give it to him. Anyway…while I was standing there with J.D. talking and waiting to give the bread to Jim this young woman came up to me and without even knowing me or anything about me she says, “So, I hear your a rock star.” I didn’t even look at her, I just said “No, not really.” and I continued my conversation with J.D. and basically ignored her. I don’t know why she irritates me or why her comment really irritated me, it just did. A couple of reasons come to mind:
- Whenever she talks in our meetings she is always taking everyone else’s inventory and pointing out what others are doing wrong.
- She has no right to take anyone’s inventory but her own . (No one should be taking anyone else’s inventory anyway.)
- I am only a musician and playing live in front of a crowd of people is just what I do for my livelihood. I am not a “rock star”, nor have I EVER considered myself to be one and the term just annoys the piss out of me. I can’t explain why.
- She doesn’t even know me and instead of introducing herself to me like a “normal” person, these are the first words out of her mouth to me. It struck me as derogatory in the manner in which she said it and, as I have said, slightly annoying.
The fact of the matter is that I can be a real bitch, especially if you don’t know me and I am very blunt, which can rub people the wrong way. However; on the other side of the coin I am genuine and a very loving person. It just takes a little to get to know me and certainly walking up to me and making a derogatory comment is not the best way to start out on the “right” foot with me. I called my friend Kym this morning to find out for sure if it was just me having a bad day or if this young woman is just an obnoxious and irritating person. She let me in on the fact that apparently this girl rubs everyone the wrong way. So, any guilt I may have felt about choosing to ignore her and her asinine comment is gone, unfortunately I doubt if this girl and I will ever be friends anytime soon because once you start out with me on the wrong foot the odds of getting on the right foot are probably nil.
Yeah, I know I drink a lot, I know I do because I’m a writer and that’s what I do, I drink. I’m not like those people out there, I can control myself! I can, if – that – if I wanted to, I could, if I wanted. I can! I can!~Gwen Cummings, “28 Days“
I had almost, not quite, but almost forgotten that it was my 60 days. 2 months, sobriety birthday yresterday. I almost forgot because I have been too busy being sober. I know that may sound crazy, but it’s really not. What is crazy is the amount of years, months, days, minutes and seconds I wasted of my life drinking into a dark hole. I can’t believe how busy my life has become since I put the bottle away for good. My music has taken a precedence in my life, I’m accomplishing more than I ever could have believed was possible. One night of my life a week is dedicated to “sober” night. It’s an open jam that I host on Tuesday nights at a coffee house and we get a huge turn out from my friends in AA and it gets bigger and better every week. We are getting more bookings than ever and now, by the grace of my sobriety we are booked to play at “John Doe’s” for a two hour acoustic gig in mid September. After that we have the Indian Creek Festival. I also have the distinct honor of representing my family and our Welsh heritage at the Scottish festival, where all the Celtic nations are represented. My grandparents would be so incredibly proud. I owe all of this to my persistence in remaining sober, the love and support of my beautiful husband and my wonderful family. Thank goodness I am a stubborn person. The very quality that makes me an obstinate person is also the same quality that saved my life. For that I am grateful!
“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” ― Mother Teresa
Carolyn Page of ABC of Spirit Talk is my next recipient of The Beautiful Karma Award! Miss Carolyn is such a very sweet person, and a medium to boot, and I consider her to be a very good friend. She has followed my blog, I’m not really sure the exact date when we started following each other around in cyberspace and on WordPress, but it has been a very good friendship. She has followed me through my ups and downs in my raging battle with alcoholism and always seems to have something really positive and energetic to say when I am down. I love her blog and the little tidbits she shares are so heartwarming and compassionate. Thank you Miss Carolyn, you are one of a kind! Here’s your award and your song! Much peace and love! Oh, and Carolyn I will take that Ibex now and don’t forget to throw in the Quokka!
Previous Beautiful Karma Award recipients:
Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens. Epictetus
I found that the biggest part of my enjoyment and serenity yesterday cam from my sheer and open lack of expectations for what the day may bring. We played a gig last night with a drummer and bass player that we had never played with before and it went really great! It was as if we had always played together. The people who came to see us had a great time, as did I. Who could ask for more?!
- until the next breath ~ (missrosen.wordpress.com)
Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin
I will be the first to admit that I am a cynic. I have lived my life distrusting of other peoples motives, because aren’t all humans urged by the need for some personal gain of their own. In reality I have always questioned people’s sincerity and motives, whether they stemmed from the true spirit of giving of themselves to another purely for unselfish motives or if their input was driven by self-serving motives. My circle of friends is small, my circle of acquaintances large. I keep the ones who I know have no ulterior motives close and everyone else I keep at arms length as acquaintances or even further away than that. The more I get to know a person determines the distance of their relationship with me directly in proportion to their motives. Being cynical isn’t hard, in fact it is quite easy, in truth it is being optimistic about the human race that is hard. It is my genuine hope that I will one day learn to not be such a cynical, distrusting person, but it is a very hard thing to do when you find that a majority of the people you meet on a daily basis are only becoming acquainted with you because they “think” you have something to offer them rather than in the genuine spirit of friendship. They extend a hand to you as a “friend” with motives untrue and fettered by wants and desires.
I have had a busy week but I found time to get out and take some pics. I am in the process of trying to take all of our songs that have been produced in the studio and produce YouTube videos. Here are some of the pics I took this week that might appear in a video I am working on today. Enjoy! Peace, Jaz
Self Portrait, Saturday July 21