Category Archives: relationships

No Resolutions Only Evolution’s…

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No Resolutions Only Evolution’s…

A woman has many faces as she goes through her life. It’s like we need more than one hair-do. We have many, many changes in the evolution of our lives. We have, we learn, and we grow; we view life differently, and life views us differently.
Sharon Stone

This year I am making no resolutions! Instead I am making evolution’s.  I have plans to evolve into a better musician, a better human being, a kinder and gentler person. I want to evolve as a writer and artist. Last year at this time my future looked very bleak indeed. This year I have high hopes! We have things this year that we didn’t have last year. This year we have a full 5 piece band that is working. This year I have a job as a free-lance writer for a company that actually pays me what I am worth. This year we also have a small acoustic side project going on. This year the only thing missing is Mike finding a good day job that still allows him the freedom to keep pursuing music, I know it will happen with a little faith and good karma. This year I am changing my stage appearance. Over the years it went from heavy black to pinstripe outfits to hippie. This year I don’t know what I am shooting for, I guess you will have to wait to see. This year I promise to keep my anger in check. I kind of lost my mind at the end of this year and spewed a bunch of crap that I shouldn’t have, and for that I am sorry. I am human, and I make mistakes. This year I also promise to forgive myself. This is the year of the sublime evolution! Happy New Year to all my friends and family, I love each and everyone of you for all your love and support and only hope I can give back 1/10th of what you all have given to me! With that I leave you with Fleetwood Mac, enjoy! :)

Merry Xmas From Jaz and Rosie!!!!

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2012 xmas Jaz & Rosie

 

Here is our Xmas card to everyone. I wanted to thank all my friends at WordPress that have been following my blog, every like, every response, and every bit of feedback I have gotten from everyone over the last year has meant the world to me! Your warm responses have only helped me to grow as a person, to learn more about my own nature and helped me to be able to pay forward my kind thoughts and wishes to you all. Rosie and I hope that each and every one of you finds yourself happy, healthy and surrounded by loved ones, not just for the holidays, but for always! Much Love to you all, Jaz and Rosie

With that I leave you with Brenda Lee…

Reflecting….

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Reflecting….

I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy. Tony Robbins 

It’s hard to believe that I started this blog almost a year ago. I started writing this blog on New Year’s Eve 2011 and as it almost dawns on New Year’s Eve 2012 I was thinking back at the amazing amount of changes that have occurred in our lives over the last year. When I started this blog Michael and I had just gotten back together after a forced separation due to legal circumstances. We almost broke up several times at the beginning of 2012 and, in fact, I almost left him and he almost left me more than once. We both struggled with bouts of alcoholism, me more than him. We went through the AA program together and are stronger for it. This last year I have hit some of my darkest nights and yet at other times I have seen some of my brightest days. In the last year we have lost “friends” to betrayal and back stabbing, we have lost musician friends, but at the end of the day our relationship has grown stronger through all the trials and tribulations. We have grown closer as friends and our love has grown deeper. We have managed to regain something through our music, that something special that has always been the glue that held us together.

During the last year I gained some of the lost time with my daughter and grown closer than ever to my mother. I have become a better rhythm guitar player and taught myself to sing in Welsh. I have learned more about myself as a musician in the last year than I have in 42 years of life. We have played some really fantastic gigs over the last year, and have many more to come. I moved up in the writing world from being an internet writer to writing for a real magazine and making my worth for the articles I write. My photography editing skills are getting better and better and I am continuing to work on my dream collage. I have no idea when, if ever that will be finished. It’s an ever evolving dream journal in images. 

I have seen friendships end and new friendships sprout. I have also seen friendships that I thought were dead in the water re-sprout with new life of forgiveness and understanding. With each dying flower a new one sprouts in its place, a more beautiful one I believe, richer in color and smell. At the end of the day, and almost year, life is very good. It is as hard as it ever was, but we are happy, and I know that come what may Michael and I will continue to grow together, to love together, and to perform together. Life is very good my friends!

With that I leave you with The Supremes and the beautiful Diana Ross…

Getting the Funk Out!!!

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Getting the Funk Out!!!

Funk, I don’t think I have anything to do with funk. I’ve never considered myself funky. David Bowie

Ok, I am here to tell you that I have officially fallen out of funk! That’s right, the funk is over, I got funking sick of being in a funk and I am moving on. On top of being depressed about the whole CL attack thing, and the funking bass player thing I was totally funking sick. But, I am funking over it! :) I have spent the last 4 days in recuperation reading, something I never get to do. I have finished up “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” for the second time and I loved it more the second reading than I did the first. I also read Oscar Wildes’ “The Picture of Dorian Gray“, which I absolutely loved. His eloquent prose on art and hedonism touched such a deep nerve in me as an artist and musician. I wanted to share with you a passage I read that really hit home.

“The only artists I have ever known who are personally delightful are bad artists. Good artists exist simply in what they make, and consequently are perfectly uninteresting in what they are. A great poet is the most unpoetical of all creatures. But inferior poets are absolutely fascinating. The worse their rhymes are, the more picturesque they look. The mere fact of having published a book of second-rate sonnets makes a man quite irresistible  He lives the poetry that he cannot write. The others write the poetry that they dare not realize.”

With that I leave you with something fun  and different….

Defeated????

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Defeated????

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure. George Edward Woodberry

I have not been writing so much since last week because I really hate writing when I am down. However, it’s a week later and I am lower than before. I know that some of you caught my blogs about being attacked on CL, which I deleted BTW because I wrote in anger, and I hate it when I do that. I may have been able to delete the blogs but I can’t as easily delete the hurt and pain I am still feeling. I am also still utterly beyond understanding why some anonymous person would take to attack me on a public venue. I know what you are going to say. People are mean, people are jealous, people do things like this to make themselves feel bigger, etc. You can tell me that all day long, you can also tell me not to let it get to me. It still hurts. They attacked me right where it hurts, my music. On top of everything else we are still struggling with bass player issues. Every time I think I’ve got it figured out and we have everything on line, I am wrong. So, the band may never get going like we should, and a bass player is the only thing holding us back.  So, unfortunately, I am sad and my heart is still breaking. Am I defeated, I don’t know. I know I sure as hell feel like giving up. Sorry my post is so sad, but that’s all I have for right now. Thank you for listening.


Best Friend….

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Best Friend….

 Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars. Violeta Parra

We had a falling out, Donna and I did. We both did some stupid things to each other that caused a friendship of over 27 years to fall away, awash in mistrust and lies. We really stopped our friendship about a year ago and I won’t go into the reasons why here, it’s irrelevant. Needless to say, we have finally forgiven each other. It took some time and some work, but we are friends once again. Yes, we have renewed our friendship but there is a certain amount of trust that has been shattered and can’t ever be retrieved. No matter what I can always forgive, but I will never forget, I can’t, the pain is still too fresh, too new. So, we are friends at arms length. Is it good to have her back in my life, I don;t know yet…..That remains to be seen. On the other hand, my best friend, Brian (Boo), who is my daughter’s Godfather, pretty much blew me off. We were supposed to go do something together while he was here from Pocatello and we didn’t. He stopped in to see me for like a 1/2 hour on Tuesday and that was it. He has gone back home now. I had asked him to stick around and come see us play tonight at The Gathering Place, but he wanted to be home yesterday. It hurts that he didn’t make more time for me. Ci est la vie.

With that I leave you with queen…

 

The Hardest Thing….

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The Hardest Thing….

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me. Emo Philips

It appears that I am caught in some sort of karmic justice boomerang. I keep running into people from my past that I thought were long gone. I find, even after all this time, literally years, I still have trouble letting go of “stuff”. Believe me I try, but it isn’t easy. The Buddhist in me says that I must forgive and let go in order to move forward, but it is so hard when all these mix of emotions come welling up inside. You put on a good face and just try to pretend like everything is ok, when deep down inside you know it’s not. You’re standing there smiling at this person that hurt you, you are saying “Hi” and all the general small talk, and you know that you are simply putting on a false front, you are bald face lying when your smiling! I don’t know whether I hate myself more for being fake and pretending a false forgiveness that I don’t honestly feel or whether I hate myself more so for my inability to let go and go on. I am trying to grow as a Buddhist and I find that at times like this my faith and belief is really put to the test. Maybe this is karma’s way of giving them a chance to say “I am sorry”. I don’t know. I do know that two simple words go a long way toward mending the bridge of past hurts and ill will. With that I leave you with one of my all time favorite heartbreak songs…..

 

Can’t See the Forest for the Trees…

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Can’t See the Forest for the Trees…

To see the forest for the trees (idiomatic) To discern an overall pattern from a mass of detail; to see the big picture, or the broader, more general situation. As demonstrated by the example sentence above, it is used in negative constructions, often starting with can’t or couldn’t.

There is nothing so disappointing as realizing that someone in your life has given up, given up on themselves and everyone around them. What’s even worse is when they give up before you even really get started. It’s hard to sit idly by and watch someone you care about spew negativity out of their mouth. They spew infectious negative thoughts that affect everyone around them. I have absolutely no tolerance for people that give up so easily, people that embrace their negativity and spew it out like an infectious disease to everyone around them. What is it they say? “Misery loves company.” I for one refuse to be a part of that type of hyperbolic miasma. My thought is go away and stay away until you hear a big “POP”. That would be the sound of your head coming out of your ass.

With that I give you The Rolling Stones….

How You Treat Others

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How You Treat Others

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. Winston Churchill 

How you treat others and speak to them is a direct reflection of yourself. If you look down on others and treat them with disdain what is this saying about you as a person? On the other side of the coin, if you treat each and every person with courtesy and respect what does that say? Recently I have had the experience of running into both ends of the spectrum. I have had one person that was so rude and short with me that I will never speak with that person ever again. This person treated me as if I was no better than a little bug under their shoe. On the other hand I have met some very sweet people that have been warm and inviting and in the end formed some new friendships. In the middle of the spectrum I have a friend who is incredibly self-involved and only seems to be focusing on their own current negative situation. They are so busy having a pity party that they are completely oblivious to the people around them and the difficulties of their friend’s situations. If you are hurting, this person is hurting 10 x’s worse. You know this person. Rather than focusing their energy on fixing the situation they blow their horn vociferously to anyone who will listen about their terrible situation and how no one is helping them. Part of the problem with this, beyond the obvious, is when a person does this their friends will draw away from them like pulling back from a hot stove. Truly, it is ok to tell people your situation, but always try to have a positive outlook and a plan on how you can fix it. No one is going to fix it for you. If you sit and cry to people all day, everyday, about your situation you are 1. wasting energy that could serve a better purpose and 2. Pushing people away from you as surely as if you were a hot, flaming coal of self-pity. No matter how bad your situation is it serves you better as a person to always keep in mind that your situation could be worse and you are not the only one hurting in this world. We all need to vent and let our friends and family know what’s going on with us, but it’s ultimately important to take the high road and if one avenue doesn’t work, explore other avenues. Eventually you will find the road that works, and never give up. No matter what, keep in mind that the things you spew out of your mouth can end up coming back to bite you and push people away. With that I leave you with the Beatles, have a peaceful day :)

Taking Stress in Stride…

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Taking Stress in Stride…

Its not stress that kills us, it is our reaction to it. Hans Selye 

As with all things in life there is stress. For the most part I am taking the stress with music, the band, the clients and people who come to see us play in stride. I admit that it does get a little overwhelming at times. Ok, I lied, it can be hellya overwhelming and really stressful, but I’m trying hard not to let it get me down. The stress in and of themselves are minor, but they culminate as a whole and at times push me into wanting to lock myself in my room, shut people out and just gel for about 2 days. Unfortunately I can’t. We have these intense financial worries and until I start work on Monday and see some checks start to roll in I am going to have that on my head. Our mortgage is due and we aren’t anywhere near having the money to pay it, we spent our last bit of money on gas to get to the gig last night. No one made any more than the gas money we had already paid in last night so Mike and I have got to go get a loan to get through the rest of the week. We really want to help Giuseppe out but he has to respect the fact that we need to be getting paid to play, a real paycheck, not relying on the kindness of people’s tips to pay our wages. After Halloween things are going to change because we have to be getting paid, unfortunately we don’t have the energy or financial resources to keep playing for free. I will find someone to take over for us as soon as I can so that Giuseppe can try to keep his business going but I have to move this band forward. We will keep it up as long as we can, but we have had offers from 2 different venues and I have to take them for our sake because the band members have made it clear that playing for free is ok for now, but not much longer, and if I don’t move us forward I am running the risk of the band falling apart before we even have a chance to get started. I am not going to sacrifice this band for anything, we have all worked too damn hard to see it go up in smoke because we couldn’t make a decent nights wages for playing our hearts out. Don’t take this wrong, I am not really bitching here, I am just stating the facts as they are and trying to express a little of the stress I am feeling so that I can get it out of my system and push us forward. With that I leave you with John Mayer, one of my favorite guitar players/vocalists

Beautiful Karma Award

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Beautiful Karma Award

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched …but are felt in the heart.” - Helen Keller

I have been so busy the last few weeks and it’s been awhile since I have given out a Beautiful Karma Award so I thought I would take some time to acknowledge some of the bloggers that I feel convey beautiful karma in so many precious ways. I usually do one at a time, but with my schedule being what it is I am going to pick a few of my favorites. First up is Miss Bommie Bol,  she always has such positive insight, whether it be through her poetry, short stories or just quips about her family and daily life, she always has some positive nugget to share that reading her posts are a joy!

Next up is Bradley at You Jivin’ Me, Turkey?. I love this guy! He always posts the best music and I love his quotes from some of the most prolific figures in history! He’s an incredibly funny guy and you talk about a person who is so full of piss and vinegar you can’t help but laugh when he gets on a roll! To read him is to love him!

 Next up is Christine over at SOMETHINGVILLE. She is always putting out so much good, positive energy that I’m sure she is needing to duck from all the good karma boomerangs coming back at her. Duck Christine, here comes another one, LOL! :)

There so many here at WordPress that simply make my day with their writing, photos, songs and with their positive input to my blogs as well. Oh, I have one more to add to the list, I can’t forget Russel over at Russel Ray Photos. This man has been following my blog since pretty near the beginning and I love his photography. He’s one of the most positive people I know and it is conveyed through his photos and words. He’s very much a talented writer, photographer and friend and his wise old grandmother would be proud of him. Russel, thank you for camping out on my blog! You always leave the campsite so neat and clean!

Here’s your awards and song:

“The Dolphin’s Cry”-Live

The way you’re bathed in light
reminds me of that night
god laid me down into your rose garden of trust
and I was swept away
with nothin’ left to say
some helpless fool
yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace
you’re all I need to find
so when the time is right
come to me sweetly, come to me
come to me

love will lead us, alright
love will lead us, she will lead us
can you hear the dolphin’s cry?
see the road rise up to meet us
it’s in the air we breathe tonight
love will lead us, she will lead us

oh yeah, we meet again
it’s like we never left
time in between was just a dream
did we leave this place?
this crazy fog surrounds me
you wrap your legs around me
all I can do to try and breathe
let me breathe so that I
so we can go together!

love will lead us, alright
love will lead us, she will lead us
can you hear the dolphin’s cry?
see the road rise up to meet us
it’s in the air we breathe tonight
love will lead us, she will lead us

life is like a shooting star
it don’t matter who you are
if you only run for cover, it’s just a waste of time
we are lost ’til we are found
this phoenix rises up from the ground
and all these wars are over

Negativism, Rage, Anger and the Internet

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Negativism, Rage, Anger and the Internet

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think we are all guilty of it. At some point or another we have gotten on our FaceBook, or our blog, I know that I have, and just spewed out all the anger or rage or disgust we are feeling at someone or thing we have felt treated us unjustly. I have done it in moments of rage, hurt and anger. Did it solve anything, absolutely not. Did it make things any better, well, I might have felt better for like 2.5 seconds. At the end of the day I came to realize that spewing that kind of anger may or may not reach my intended target. What I did realize is that the many friends and family and people I didn’t even know saw that anger and rage just as surely as if I was standing on the busiest intersection in the world butt naked. Do I want people seeing this anger and hot rage. No! Sure, I may be angry, but spewing out a diatribe of profanity and rage serves no purpose other than to alienate people you know and people you don’t even know yet. It completely turns people off. My advice to anyone feeling this kind of rage and anger at someone is to confront the person that hurt you face to face, not FaceBook to FaceBook. Take it from someone who knows, it will only come back to hurt you in some unexpected way just as surely as a boomerang comes back to the hand that threw it. Be peaceful my friends, if you’re angry don’t keep it bottled up, confront the source, don’t spew it out there for the world to see. Once it’s out there you can’t take it back, nor can you take back the indelible impression you will leave with all those people that you probably didn’t even know were seeing it. Just my Buddhist thought for the day and on that note I will leave you with No Doubt….

 

 

Expectations…

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Expectations…

Aquarius Horoscope for week of October 18, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
“Dear Rob: I really enjoy reading your horoscopes. You feel like a friend I’ve never met. When I try to picture what you’re like, I keep getting a vision of you as being fat, short, and bald with a strawberry blond moustache. Am I right? – Curious Aquarius.” Dear Curious: It’s great that you’ve decided to do a reality check. This is an excellent time for all you Aquarians to see if what you imagine to be true is a match for the world as it actually is. To answer your question, I am in fact tall and thin, don’t wear a moustache, and have an abundance of long silver hair. Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright.

Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed.
Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.

I firmly like to believe that what I imagine to be true is, but more often than not I find I am let down by my own expectations of who I expect people to be and what expectations I have for situations. I have found, especially when it comes to music, that if I don’t expect too much out of the musicians and different venue owners I have to work with then I am less prone to heartbreaks because I was let down. This isn’t to say that I don’t set the bar as high for everyone else as I do for myself, it is only to say that people are fickle and I am grateful for  whatever little gems of light they have to give me. That is my only expectation, give me a tiny pin point of light and I will show you a sunbeam!

On that note here is our cover of “Come on People Now/Smile on Your Brother” by the Youngbloods. This was recorded by my husband and I about 3 or 4 years ago. Hope you enjoy!

 

All I Wanna Do…

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All I Wanna Do…

I found this image and quote quite funny! My days have taken on quite a dramatic turn. I get up in the morning, make my coffee and spend the next 5-6 hours working on band business. You wouldn’t believe how much there is. I respond to every Facebook response we have as a band and personally, I work on working lists for rehearsals and set lists for gigs and the list goes on. I love it and I am really doing what it is I love to do. I have found myself surrounded by some of the best musicians this valley has to offer and I am a very lucky woman indeed.  On that note I will leave you with Sheryl Crowe

Smooth!

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Smooth!

There’s an inherent thing in me where, if things are going too smooth, I’ll sabotage the hell out of them, just to make the music more of a sanctuary. Daniel Johns 

When things are going well it kind of intimidates me because it seems I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. LOL. I know I should stop being a pessimist and cynical, but I think as humans we are all like this. Things in my life are going so smoothly that even a little bump in the road this week, a backstabbing by a so-called friend, didn’t even phase me. What is wrong with me?! The music is flowing well, by vocals are building back up to the level of playing with a full band again, and I am happy. We are all healthy and I really haven’t one single complaint. Money is tight, as always, but this is nothing new. So life is good. I will take the smooth road, thank you very much and could I have a large side of fries with that? :D

Happy Day!

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Happy Day!

A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy? Albert Einstein 

I am happily exhausted. I am up after only a few hours sleep after last nights gig. I am happier with this new line-up of musicians that we have hired on than I have been in the longest time! To read more about the jam last night go to my EZ Street A Day in the Life blog. Life is very good. My poor Mojo still has a little cold, but he’s a happy cat. He has a home  food and milk and a dog that likes to sniff him, what more could he ask for? My brother is ok after hitting that cow. He’s a little bruised, but he did the smartest thing. When he saw the cow he didn’t even try to swerve, he knew it was far too late so he braced himself and hit it straight on. I know it’s terrible and I feel so bad for the cow. What angers me about this whole damnable thing is that my brother could have been killed and all because these damn ranchers are allowed to let their cattle free range. It’s dangerous and they should be required to put up fencing! Not only that but they can sue the person who hit the cow! What kind of BS assbackwards crap is that. Anyway, I am just ever so grateful he is alive. Life is good!

 

I’m Too Sexy!

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I’m Too Sexy!

“Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.” –Billy Crystal

Here’s Mojo being all sexy, LOL! I don’t have much today because I have to load equipment and unfortunately my brother had an accident and totalled his truck so I have to run to Mountain Home to drop off the keys to his rig that got towed. He is really lucky, he could very well have died. He hit a cow that an idiot rancher allows to free range and the sad thing is is that he is probably going to get sued for the value of said cow! Idaho has seriously got to rethink the fn laws regarding these idiot ranchers that allow their cows to free range!

Here’s Looking up Your Kilt

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Here’s Looking up Your Kilt

Is there anything worn under the kilt? No, it’s all in perfect working order. Spike Milligan 

I have never been to a Ceilidh, pronounced Kaylee, before. Nor have I ever been to a Celtic Festival either. I am so excited. I’m hoping to meet up with some other family members from the Daffydd (Davies, Davis) clan of Wales that settled near Malad, Idaho about the same time that my family did. Chances are I have cousins living there that I don’t even know about. It would also be very cool to meet some friends from near where my family came from, Cowbridge, Swansea or Cardiff. My Grandmother and Grandad always tried to keep us in tune with our roots and of all their grandchildren I am the only one that carried on the tradition of music, which is a very big thing in Wales. Wales is called “The Land of Song” and for a very good reason. Music is a huge part of our heritage. I don’t know why I am the only musician since my great-granfather, maybe I got the strongest part of the musical gene pool. I have been singing since I was 3, picked up the violin when I was 10 and switched to guitar at 16. I am always a vocalist first, and my guitar skills are very secondary. Anyway, I can’t wait to see the dancing and hear some of the other music. There is one group called “The Celtic Sisters” and they sing in Gaelic, which is so cool to me because they are the only other group of musicians performing in a Celtic native tongue besides me.  We are also the only group performing traditional folk music from Wales so it’s a very important thing to me that I represent my family and our country the best that I can! I can’t wait!!!!!!!

Got My Mojo Working!

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Got My Mojo Working!

Mr. Mojo Risin’, Mr. Mojo Risin’ , Got to keep on risin’ ~Jim Morrison

I finally got my Mojo in sync with the balance of the universe. Things have chilled out and gelled as I said they would. I finally have some time to catch up on the things I have been missing the last few months, good grief I even had time to create a new blog called EZ Street A Day in the Life. What is wrong with me, LOL. Life is very good. I am having the time of my life getting in touch with my musical nature and meeting some very cool cats along the way. Of course there is always the good with the bad, life wouldn’t be balanced without bad vs good, but overall I am a lucky woman indeed. I have a husband who loves me and I am surrounded and blessed with some of the most supportive and loving friends a person could chose to have, including my wonderful blogging buddies here at WordPress. The other great thing that happened recently was that I thought my camera was hopelessly broken and it turns out that it just happens to be very picky about your choice of batteries, so very soon I will be posting more pics. Well enough joy and flowers today, it’s time to get to work…..Much peace and love my friends and if you have time stop by my new blog and say hello. I love hearing from you!

I’m Back, For Now….LOL

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I’m Back, For Now….LOL

Absence of proof is not proof of absence. William Cowper 

Hello all! I know I have been absent the last few weeks. I have had an absolutely insane rehearsal schedule getting ready for these big festivals. One down and one more to go on the 29th and then my schedule will mellow out. I hope! I have missed reading everyone’s blogs, it’s like missing my morning paper and cup of coffee. I hope this blog finds everyone healthy and happy. I have been so busy that I didn’t even notice the You Jivin Me, Turkey? had re-blogged my song “Of This Land”. Thank you so much for that, I am really glad you liked it enough to re-blog it, you’re the bomb baby! I had a few minutes today between rehearsals to post and let everyone know what I am up to. After a very hard 2 month song search I have finally come up with 15 songs for the Celtic Festival. They are going to be a mix of songs from folk Welsh songs to songs by Welsh musicians that are well known in America. I am excited about the song choice and the festival, but let me tell you, learning to sing in Welsh is no easy task! I have missed you all and will try to catch up on some of your blogs today….Peace, as always my friends, Jaz

 

 

Affection, Aquarius Horoscope For the Week

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Affection, Aquarius Horoscope For the Week

Aquarius Horoscope for week of September 6, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
There’s a certain lesson in love that you have been studying and studying and studying — and yet have never quite mastered. Several different teachers have tried with only partial success to provide you with insights that would allow you to graduate to the next level of romantic understanding. That’s the bad news, Aquarius. The good news is that all this could change in the coming months. I foresee a breakthrough in your relationship with intimacy. I predict benevolent jolts and healing shocks that will allow you to learn at least some of the open-hearted truths that have eluded you all this time. 

I am so guilty of this relationship infraction! I know that many women complain about lack of intimacy in their relationships with their spouses or better 1/2’s. I, on the other hand, hate being smothered. I love my space and I am guilty of not being the most affectionate person in the world. Don’t get the wrong impression, my husband and I touch each other and laugh and hug and kiss, but man I hate being suffocated. My husband fits me just perfect because he gives me hugs and kisses and loves. No, we don’t spoon at night and if we do it’s brief. I have one friend that has finally pushed me to the limits of our friendship. Every time he sees me he is always trying to hug me and I finally got to the point where I don’t even want to see him anymore because he’s always trying to put his hands on me and it makes my skin crawl. He thinks I am mad at him, and I guess in a way I am because I have told him to stop trying to hug up on me and he didn’t understand that he is an over whelming bear of a person that is overly affectionate. I really didn’t intend upon hurting his feeling, but “Hello!”, boundaries! I just hope my husband doesn’t feel that I am not affectionate enough….hmmmmm? 

Falling Down

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Falling Down

Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Confucius

Ok let’s just get this out of the way right now. I fell off the wagon. Don’t ask me to explain how or why it happened, because I honestly don’t know. Am I blaming some one or some thing, hell no! I did this all alone. However, the cool thing is I have my program and all my friends rallied around me to brush off the dust and apply ointment to the skid marks. I am still loved. It’s great to be an alcoholic because I have a village of Indians that stopped to see what fell off the wagon and rallied together to see what they could do with it….Yes, I can laugh because I may have fallen but I am not down for the count. I am loved and for today I am happy and sober.

Bye Bye Bad Friendships!

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Bye Bye Bad Friendships!

Friends are like roses…you have to look out for the pricks!~ Anonymous. 

Even before I finally became sober I was slowly eliminating “bad” friends out of my life. It was a long process, sometimes they just didn’t want to let go, but in order for me to maintain my sobriety I had to let them go. The first ones to go were the ones that enabled my drinking the most with their own drinking habits, these were actually the easiest. The ones that were closest to me were the hardest to let go of because they are the ones that hurt me the worse. One “friend”, the one I thought that loved me most betrayed me in such a way that I will never be able to forgive them. This person had gotten sober and found “god” but they didn’t eliminate some of their worse traits and I inadvertently found out that this person was never really a true friend in the first place because they went after something very close to my heart and tried to take it for their own when I was going through a very rough patch in my life. This same person has been trying to get back into my life, but what they don’t realize is that once they betrayed me in that way there is no hope whatever that they will ever get back into my life ever again.

Then there is this “friend” that had helped me out through a very rough patch in my life. I thought that they were being a “friend”. It wasn’t until after I was quite a ways into my sobriety that it came to me that they weren’t really a friend at all. This person had kept enabling me in my drinking, even though I had been telling them for months that I wanted to quit, that I needed to quit, that my life depended on my quitting. I finally realized how caustic this person really was and is. I finally told them to stay away from me, not to call me, and I explained to them that every time I saw them it took me right back to that bad place I was in just a few short months ago and I needed them to stay away from me because the memories were far too painful. I told this person that if I saw them I would turn and walk the other way because just simply by their presence it reminded me of the pit of hell I was in and it was hurtful to my sobriety. 

Fortunately now I have a whole new group of friends that are loving and sober and working on the same goals that I am. They are supportive and have been with me since the first day I met them on our paths to sobriety. With friends like that who needs the trash of old enabling friendships sticking around with its stench and flies buzzing incessantly around.

 

Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

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Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. It’s nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I don’t want to talk.

Yesterday I was in a very strange place. I was with a group of people I absolutely love, but I just didn’t feel like being around them or anyone for that matter. I had made a loaf of zucchini bread that I had made for Jim, a friend of mine, and the only reason I went was to give it to him. Anyway…while I was standing there with J.D. talking and waiting to give the bread to Jim this young woman came up to me and without even knowing me or anything about me she says, “So, I hear your a rock star.” I didn’t even look at her, I just said “No, not really.”  and I continued my conversation with J.D. and basically ignored her. I don’t know why she irritates me or why her comment really irritated me, it just did. A couple of reasons come to mind:

  1. Whenever she talks in our meetings she is always taking everyone else’s inventory and pointing out what others are doing wrong.
  2. She has no right to take anyone’s inventory but her own . (No one should be taking anyone else’s inventory anyway.)
  3. I am only a musician and playing live in front of a crowd of people is just what I do for my livelihood. I am not a “rock star”, nor have I EVER considered myself to be one and the term just annoys the piss out of me. I can’t explain why.
  4. She doesn’t even know me and instead of introducing herself to me like a “normal” person, these are the first words out of her mouth to me. It struck me as derogatory in the manner in which she said it and, as I have said, slightly annoying.

The fact of the matter is that I can be a real bitch, especially if you don’t know me and I am very blunt, which can rub people the wrong way. However; on the other side of the coin I am genuine and a very loving person. It just takes a little to get to know me and certainly walking up to me and making a derogatory comment is not the best way to start out on the “right” foot with me. I called my friend Kym this morning to find out for sure if it was just me having a bad day or if this young woman is just an obnoxious and irritating person. She let me in on the fact that apparently this girl rubs everyone the wrong way. So, any guilt I may have felt about choosing to ignore her and her asinine comment is gone, unfortunately I doubt if this girl and I will ever be friends anytime soon because once you start out with me on the wrong foot the odds of getting on the right foot are probably nil.