Category Archives: rewards

Reflecting….

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Reflecting….

I’ve come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy. Tony Robbins 

It’s hard to believe that I started this blog almost a year ago. I started writing this blog on New Year’s Eve 2011 and as it almost dawns on New Year’s Eve 2012 I was thinking back at the amazing amount of changes that have occurred in our lives over the last year. When I started this blog Michael and I had just gotten back together after a forced separation due to legal circumstances. We almost broke up several times at the beginning of 2012 and, in fact, I almost left him and he almost left me more than once. We both struggled with bouts of alcoholism, me more than him. We went through the AA program together and are stronger for it. This last year I have hit some of my darkest nights and yet at other times I have seen some of my brightest days. In the last year we have lost “friends” to betrayal and back stabbing, we have lost musician friends, but at the end of the day our relationship has grown stronger through all the trials and tribulations. We have grown closer as friends and our love has grown deeper. We have managed to regain something through our music, that something special that has always been the glue that held us together.

During the last year I gained some of the lost time with my daughter and grown closer than ever to my mother. I have become a better rhythm guitar player and taught myself to sing in Welsh. I have learned more about myself as a musician in the last year than I have in 42 years of life. We have played some really fantastic gigs over the last year, and have many more to come. I moved up in the writing world from being an internet writer to writing for a real magazine and making my worth for the articles I write. My photography editing skills are getting better and better and I am continuing to work on my dream collage. I have no idea when, if ever that will be finished. It’s an ever evolving dream journal in images. 

I have seen friendships end and new friendships sprout. I have also seen friendships that I thought were dead in the water re-sprout with new life of forgiveness and understanding. With each dying flower a new one sprouts in its place, a more beautiful one I believe, richer in color and smell. At the end of the day, and almost year, life is very good. It is as hard as it ever was, but we are happy, and I know that come what may Michael and I will continue to grow together, to love together, and to perform together. Life is very good my friends!

With that I leave you with The Supremes and the beautiful Diana Ross…

Beautiful Karma Award

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Beautiful Karma Award

“The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen, nor touched …but are felt in the heart.” - Helen Keller

I have been so busy the last few weeks and it’s been awhile since I have given out a Beautiful Karma Award so I thought I would take some time to acknowledge some of the bloggers that I feel convey beautiful karma in so many precious ways. I usually do one at a time, but with my schedule being what it is I am going to pick a few of my favorites. First up is Miss Bommie Bol,  she always has such positive insight, whether it be through her poetry, short stories or just quips about her family and daily life, she always has some positive nugget to share that reading her posts are a joy!

Next up is Bradley at You Jivin’ Me, Turkey?. I love this guy! He always posts the best music and I love his quotes from some of the most prolific figures in history! He’s an incredibly funny guy and you talk about a person who is so full of piss and vinegar you can’t help but laugh when he gets on a roll! To read him is to love him!

 Next up is Christine over at SOMETHINGVILLE. She is always putting out so much good, positive energy that I’m sure she is needing to duck from all the good karma boomerangs coming back at her. Duck Christine, here comes another one, LOL! :)

There so many here at WordPress that simply make my day with their writing, photos, songs and with their positive input to my blogs as well. Oh, I have one more to add to the list, I can’t forget Russel over at Russel Ray Photos. This man has been following my blog since pretty near the beginning and I love his photography. He’s one of the most positive people I know and it is conveyed through his photos and words. He’s very much a talented writer, photographer and friend and his wise old grandmother would be proud of him. Russel, thank you for camping out on my blog! You always leave the campsite so neat and clean!

Here’s your awards and song:

“The Dolphin’s Cry”-Live

The way you’re bathed in light
reminds me of that night
god laid me down into your rose garden of trust
and I was swept away
with nothin’ left to say
some helpless fool
yeah I was lost in a swoon of peace
you’re all I need to find
so when the time is right
come to me sweetly, come to me
come to me

love will lead us, alright
love will lead us, she will lead us
can you hear the dolphin’s cry?
see the road rise up to meet us
it’s in the air we breathe tonight
love will lead us, she will lead us

oh yeah, we meet again
it’s like we never left
time in between was just a dream
did we leave this place?
this crazy fog surrounds me
you wrap your legs around me
all I can do to try and breathe
let me breathe so that I
so we can go together!

love will lead us, alright
love will lead us, she will lead us
can you hear the dolphin’s cry?
see the road rise up to meet us
it’s in the air we breathe tonight
love will lead us, she will lead us

life is like a shooting star
it don’t matter who you are
if you only run for cover, it’s just a waste of time
we are lost ’til we are found
this phoenix rises up from the ground
and all these wars are over

How I Feel….

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How I Feel….

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou 

My spirits are incredibly high. I have had some very good karmic payback over the last couple of weeks. The new band is going so well, and Mike and I have waited for a band like this to come along for so long. We have both been in bands together through the years but never quite this good. EZ Street is picking up gigs faster than any of us could have anticipated and for the band this is absolutely a testament to the chemistry we have as a band. We all have our financial worries, many of us have no full time jobs and these gigs are going to make the difference in whether we have gas or not, so this is a great thing for us all. If only we were independently wealthy. Fortunately I got my new position freelance writing for The Travel Council Magazine which will take some of the pressure off of Mike, not all of it, but some. These gigs are really going to help us out financially. I am happy and content, busy but happy. It didn’t even phase me this week when I was trying to get a promoter to help us get some of these bigger events and he was short with me and very rude. He treated me like crap and if he were to approach me tomorrow and say he wants to help us out I would basically tell him to get bent! The sad thing of it is is that I know this band is that good and he just screwed up and closed any door with us that he might have hoped to have in the future. To make matters worse the guy works with my producer in another local band. It’s sad that people have to pull that holier than thou, my poo doesn’t stink attitude. C’est la vie my friend, you just burned that bridge by your very attitude. It’s ok because I know that I am a strong enough person and have enough where-with-all that I can do it myself, I was just trying to take some of the pressure off of myself, but I will just keep on keeping on. :)

On that note I leave you with one of my favorite all time happy-happy, joy-joy songs by Jimmy Cliff, enjoy :)

Smooth!

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Smooth!

There’s an inherent thing in me where, if things are going too smooth, I’ll sabotage the hell out of them, just to make the music more of a sanctuary. Daniel Johns 

When things are going well it kind of intimidates me because it seems I am always waiting for the other shoe to drop. LOL. I know I should stop being a pessimist and cynical, but I think as humans we are all like this. Things in my life are going so smoothly that even a little bump in the road this week, a backstabbing by a so-called friend, didn’t even phase me. What is wrong with me?! The music is flowing well, by vocals are building back up to the level of playing with a full band again, and I am happy. We are all healthy and I really haven’t one single complaint. Money is tight, as always, but this is nothing new. So life is good. I will take the smooth road, thank you very much and could I have a large side of fries with that? :D

Happy Birthday 2 Me!

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Happy Birthday 2 Me!

Yeah, I know I drink a lot, I know I do because I’m a writer and that’s what I do, I drink. I’m not like those people out there, I can control myself! I can, if – that – if I wanted to, I could, if I wanted. I can! I can!~Gwen Cummings, “28 Days

I had almost, not quite, but almost forgotten that it was my 60 days. 2 months, sobriety birthday yresterday. I almost forgot because I have been too busy being sober. I know that may sound crazy, but it’s really not. What is crazy is the amount of years, months, days, minutes and seconds I wasted of my life drinking into a dark hole. I can’t believe how busy my life has become since I put the bottle away for good. My music has taken a precedence in my life, I’m accomplishing more than I ever could have believed was possible. One night of my life a week is dedicated to “sober” night. It’s an open jam that I host on Tuesday nights at a coffee house and we get a huge turn out from my friends in AA and it gets bigger and better every week. We are getting more bookings than ever and now, by the grace of my sobriety we are booked to play at “John Doe’s” for a two hour acoustic gig in mid September. After that we have the Indian Creek Festival. I also have the distinct honor of representing my family and our Welsh heritage at the Scottish festival, where all the Celtic nations are represented. My grandparents would be so incredibly proud. I owe all of this to my persistence in remaining sober, the love and support of my beautiful husband and my wonderful family. Thank goodness I am a stubborn person. The very quality that makes me an obstinate person is also the same quality that saved my life. For that I am grateful! 

 

 

My Week in Pictures

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My Week in Pictures

What an amazing week this has been! As some of you may know this is the week we celebrated our wedding anniversary. Yesterday we all got together at Memorial Park and had a sausage dog roast with all the kitchen sink fixings. We got a couple of really great cards! 

Michael is so very sweet and loving, He got me this card and these beautiful roses for our anniversary:

We were fortunate enough to have a great bunch of people join us for our celebration:

I got some really great and unexpected gifts! I got this new/used camera that took all these wonderful pictures, and I got my old guitar back, the story of the Cosmic Boomerang Guitar explains it all.

All in all it has been a wonderful week to say the least!

The Return of the Cosmic Boomerang Guitar!

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The Return of the Cosmic Boomerang Guitar!

A boomerang is a thrown tool, typically constructed as a flat aerofoil, that is designed to spin about an axis perpendicular to the direction of its flight. A returning boomerang is designed to circle back to the thrower. Wikipedia

You are never going to believe this! I can hardly believe it myself. In order to share this story with you I have to take you back in time…

In 2002 a friend of mine, Victor, was diagnosed with cancer. This was the year that I had my CD release part of “Sublime Evolution”. A bunch of us musicians decided to hold a benefit at his place of business, The Rockin’ Rooster, where we all got together for jam sessions on Sunday afternoons. I had nothing to give so I decided to donate my guitar up for auction. The same guitar that is in this photo on the album and the one I used in recording “Sublime Evolution”

The guitar went up for auction and was sold for $100. I thought that was the end of that. It wasn’t…. My husband has been filling in with this new band, “Down River”, and the bass player, Dave, has had a guitar he wanted my husband to look at for me because it had my name on it. I really didn’t think too much about it. I told Michael yesterday to go ahead and bring it home and let me look it. Here it is!

Sure enough it is my old guitar, back from it’s 1o year journey to who knows where. Now, if you look at the picture above you will see that it only has 1 Z, which is how I spell my name. I added the extra Z before the auction so that it wouldn’t have my name on it. Yes I am the one who put the image of the dancing guy on the guitar in the first place. Unfortunately Victor didn’t survive the awful battle with cancer but I have decided to buy back my old guitar from Dave. It holds a lot of very fond memories for me and I only wish it could talk to tell me where it has been! On that note here is “Journey” off of my album “Sublime Evolution” from 2002 recorded in the studio with this very guitar! Truly, what are the odds?

Bubble Bath Time!

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Bubble Bath Time!

We start to realize that there are anodynes in life that help us through the day. I don’t care if it’s a walk in the park, a look out the window, a goodbubble bath – whatever. Even a meal you like, or a friend you want to call. That helps us solve all this stuff in our head.Al Pacino (April 25, 1940 – )

I feel a bubble bath coming on, that’s right. I love bubble baths. When I was a kid I would crawl into a bubble bath and all my child’s worries and cares would sink into the water and disappear just like the bubbles in my bath, slowly dissipating. In that few moments, floating in the bath with the bubbles I am free, care-free and unconcerned about anything. It is my meditation and my release. As an adult I rarely take the time for a leisurely bubble bath anymore, but today, today is a bubble bath day. My favorite bubble bath aroma is cucumber melon and I am going to soak in the aromas and light the candles and just gel for about 20 minutes. Please don’t knock at my door or call on my phone, I am in Do Not Disturb mode. Leave a message at the beep!

The Next Beautiful Karma Award Goes to Carolyn Page!

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The Next Beautiful Karma Award Goes to Carolyn Page!

“If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” ― Mother Teresa

Carolyn Page of ABC of Spirit Talk is my next recipient of The Beautiful Karma Award! Miss Carolyn is such a very sweet person, and a medium to boot, and I consider her to be a very good friend. She has followed my blog, I’m not really sure the exact date when we started following each other around in cyberspace and on WordPress, but it has been a very good friendship. She has followed me through my ups and downs in my raging battle with alcoholism and always seems to have something really positive and energetic to say when I am down. I love her blog and the little tidbits she shares are so heartwarming and compassionate. Thank you Miss Carolyn, you are one of a kind! Here’s your award and your song! Much peace and love! Oh, and Carolyn I will take that Ibex now and don’t forget to throw in the Quokka!

Previous Beautiful Karma Award recipients:

Renee at Nae’s Nest 
Bongo Dog at Bongo Dog Blog

It Is What It Is!

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It Is What It Is!

Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens. 

I found that the biggest part of my enjoyment and serenity yesterday cam from my sheer and open lack of expectations for what the day may bring. We played a gig last night with a drummer and bass player that we had never played with before and it went really great! It was as if we had always played together. The people who came to see us had a great time, as did I. Who could ask for more?!

A Different Person

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A Different Person

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” -C.S. Lewis

Everyone says I have changed so much in the last month and a half. Mike says I am a ray of sunshine. The funny thing is I know that I have changed inside, deep down inside. I am still crossing the monkey bars and learning how to cross while holding onto a banana and not fall. I am like a child learning all about myself for the first time, the exception being that I am an adult with a vast array of experiences, and some not very positive at all. The fact of the matter is that I am still grumpy, and at times, downright cranky. That’s just part of who I am. The banana I hold onto is the goal that once I cross the monkey bars I can eat my prize, that golden, yellow, delicious banana with its rich fruit wrapped so tenderly in a protective peal. I find that I am tired a lot more than I used to be and I don’t always feel like a ray of sunshine. There are days I just feel down and depressed, there are days that I just don’t give a shit. The fact is is that I am human and I still feel things, just differently because now there is no numbing, mind bending substance to take it away. I have to face my emotions head on and that isn’t easy after such a long and devoted career of inebriating myself from feeling anything. In this new life full of changes and becoming a different person the knives are very real, the pain they inflict deep and I don’t have the Novocaine to stop it like I used to. Yes, I have been given a whole new set of tools to deal with my hurts and ills, but they are still there and more real than ever, and that is hard! In the beginning of sobriety we are more than happy to grasp the banana knowing that one day we will be able to partake of it’s wonderful fruit, but no one tells you you have to swing across these precarious monkey bars of emotions and feelings to the other side before you can really enjoy the fruit, and if you drop the banana you get to start all over again. The thing that no one tells you about is the flood of emotions that may seem like they are going to overtake you. This flood of emotions happens because we no longer have a mind altering substance to blind us to the tidal wave that is rushing our direction.  

Cupcakes & Coffee!

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Cupcakes & Coffee!

“Coffee makes it possible to get out of bed, but cupcakes make it worthwhile.” ~ unknown author

That’s right! I got up this morning and I had my usual, coffee. Buuuuuuut, for breakfast I had cupcakes. Yes, you heard me right, cupcakes. They were my treat for myself for achieving my 30 days sobriety. I didn’t eat them last night because after our jam session/gig I was wiped out. Mind you I am not a big fan of sweets, but I do firmly believe that when we achieve a goal or reach a milestone we need to reward ourselves because chances are there are more steps to go to reach the next milestone. I know for me there are many milestones ahead of me and the journey is exciting. I want it to be filled with rewards because when I was growing up I was lucky if I got a blink of the eye out of my parents. I will reward myself today for having achieved what may have seemed like an insurmountable goal in the beginning!