Catseye

In a Strange Land….

Jaz — Tue, 14 May 2013 15:16:25 +0000

I had reasoned this out in my mind, there was one of two things I had a right to, liberty or death; if I could not have one, I would have the other.
Harriet Tubman

You don’t have to be a slave to live in a prison. Right now I am living in a world full of imprisonment. My husband needs and expects me to drive him everywhere and I highly suspect that if he had his driver’s license he wouldn’t even be with me. My mother is so F’d up on meds she can hardly drive so I am expected to do it. I can’t do or be who I want to be because I am torn down by my mother and my husband and now my daughter is having issues. Frankly I wish I could just be alone without everyone expecting something from me. I don’t get to be my own person, EVER! I am so sick of people expecting shit out of me it’s no wonder I want to just be free to be me, but I don’t know who that is anymore! I would seriously like to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone~!!!@!!!!

Harriet Tubman (telcomcorp.wordpress.com)

It’s All Good…. :)

Jaz — Mon, 13 May 2013 13:53:06 +0000

The state comes into existence for the sake of life and continues to exist for the sake of good life. Aristotle

You would not even begin to believe what I did yesterday. I got the front of my house finished and we had a Mother’s Day BBQ resplendant with good company, good food, and good fun! Michael cooked the burgers and I did the chicken and we hung out with my daughter Kira and her other 1/2 Isaiah, VJ and her other 1/2 Dave, My Mom and Mike, my BF Donna and of course my Rose Bud. It was a beautiful day and we had so much fun. After the BBQ was over I went and spent some quality time with my BFF Donna and I made her go swimming in the pond with me. It was GREAT!!!!!!! Life, my friends is very good right now!!!!!!!!!!

For Every Moment…

Jaz — Thu, 02 May 2013 14:27:01 +0000

Did you know that for every moment, every emotion you feel there is a song….Jaz

Everything Feels Surreal….

Jaz — Thu, 02 May 2013 14:22:16 +0000

Surrealism is destructive, but it destroys only what it considers to be shackles limiting our vision. Salvador Dali

I don’t feel in touch with anything. Everything feels unnatural to me. The lights seem brighter, the darkness more black/ I feel more tired. I held your bear and I listened to it, but it sounds more like the batteries are dead, like you. It doesn’t have the same life or vivacity that it once did. Part of me is gone, gone forever just like Joey, Emmy, Yukee and Heday. You weren’t supposed to leave me. Dan is having a hard time, he is lost and doesn’t know what to do. I wish I could make you come back.

I Really Have To Stop…..

Jaz — Wed, 01 May 2013 03:23:04 +0000

We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot. Eleanor Roosevelt

I really have to stop being such a bitch. I don’t know how to stop being such a shithead. I told my husband to go F himself and I really didn’t want to I just can’t seem to stop myself. When everything is messed up I have a tendancy to pick on ppl that r close to me. I suck ass………..

All Sunshine and Flowers……

Jaz — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:29:02 +0000

I wish I could be all sunshine and flowers for you but life just doesn’t work that way. I adore you all and I am trying my best to be smiley, but at the end of the day I am crying.

I’m Really Not Ok…

Jaz — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 14:20:31 +0000

The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis. Dante Alighieri

I am in a crisis and I don’t think I realize it yet. I know I’m falling apart, I see little bits and pieces of me lying around and don’t quite know how to pick them up and put them back into place. Here a piece, there a piece, everywhere a piece piece. I talk to people everyday and act like everything is ok but it’s not. I am in pain and there aren’t enough showers to wash everything away. There is a huge part of me that wants to be left alone…………..and yet, and yet…I’m a suffocating flower, suffocating under Mom’s thumb, Michael’s thumb. Everyone wants a piece of me, when do I get a piece of myself????

Ding Dong…….

Jaz — Tue, 30 Apr 2013 13:33:48 +0000

Stone walls confine a tinker; cold iron binds a witch; but a musician’s music can never be fettered, for it lives first in her heart and mind. Charles de Lint

Yes my friends, it has finally happened! I have lost my mind. I’m not entirely sure where it went, but if you see a gray mound of jelly wandering around could you give it back please. It doesn’t have any ID. It doesn’t know exactly where it’s supposed to be, it’s only lost gray matter wandering aimlessly. If you happen to find my mind please ring the doorbell and run, as fast as you can, because as soon as my mind comes back I have no idea what’s going to happen. Ever since Gracie died I have not been myself, you know that saying you never know what you have until it’s gone. Well, believe me it stands true. I have only been functioning on about 1 piston since she left. I can’t focus on much, although I try. I miss her so much and just knowing she is gone makes life that much less brighter…Sorry, I don’t mean to ruminate. I just feel so much more alone than I did a week ago.

With that I leave you with Dokken…..

Just Another Day….

Jaz — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 12:37:31 +0000

“You’ve got to follow your passion. You’ve got to figure out what it is you love–who you really are. And have the courage to do that. I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dream.” Oprah Winfrey

Well, it is back to Business as usual. I am playing tonight at The Crescent Brewery with a new Lead/fill guitar player that I hired, Bill. I hope everything works out and we have a really good turnout. Things have been so busy this month that I have only had time to add in one new song, “I Don’t Want to Know” by Fleetwood Mac. This month I promised myself that I would try to add in som more Celtic/Welsh tunes and some other stuff. I have gone back to work as a professional house painter and have been working with Joe Rubens and hios crew. So far it is going well. I like the crew and am having fun with them. Other than that life is pretty good my friends! With that I leave you with Fleetwood Mac…

Stevie Nicks Talks Post – ‘Rumours’ Breakup With Oprah (947thewave.cbslocal.com)

Today I Say Good-Bye….

Jaz — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 13:55:53 +0000

You and I will meet again, When we’re least expecting it, One day in some far off place, I will recognize your face, I won’t say goodbye my friend, For you and I will meet again. Tom Petty

Today is Gracie’s funeral and even as I sit writing this the tears are pouring from my eyes. It is so hard to say good-bye. In this life I have very few friends that I am really close to, I have a lot of aquaintainces, but maybe a handful of people that are so close to me they know me better than I know myself. Gracie was just like that, she would call me on my BS when she knew I was wrong and she always supported me, as a friend and with my music and art. She would never leave my house or hers, or anywhere for that matter without getting a hug from me, she demanded it and for her I would gladly give it. The fact of the matter is I don’t want to say good-bye, I don’t want her to be gone. I want to hear her funny laughter, I want to hear her voice, I want to look into her eyes. I know that she is not feeling any pain anymore, In know her body is finally at rest that was, in the end ravaged by diabetes and numerous strokes. For that I am grateful, I would never want for her to continue suffering and in Grace’s own way she left this Earth when she knew it was her time. Grace will forever hold a special place in my heart and in my soul. She may be gone but she will never, ever be forgotten.