If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Mary Engelbrei
Ok, so my therapist wants me to write a letter to my mom about all the resentments I have toward her. Damn man! Why? I am where I am in my thinking about my mother and I don’t understand why she wants me to dredge up past resentments that I have let go of. That is not the Buddhist way and I don’t like rolling that way. I think that a majority of women have resentments toward their mothers and no matter how good or evil their mothers are or were they are set up to fail no matter what they do. We daughters put a high level of expectation upon our mothers because that is the matriarch we look up to. It’s really not fair to them, if you think about. We take our mothers and place them upon this pedestal that I think not even the best of mothers can reach the pinnacle of and when they don’t reach our level of expectation we get angry and resentful. That’s not fair to them. They are human and fallible just like everyone, but I think we daughters look to our mothers as some sort of superhuman with no kryptonite and that’s our own fault. Sure, my mom was a self-involved creature and I know for a fact she never wanted children, but her moral beliefs would not allow her to “get rid” of us. She was more interested in partying and being free than being strapped to 3 children. Oh well, I can do nothing to change who she was then, I can’t change all the ways she let me down then, what I am capable of changing is the kaleidoscope I view our relationship through. I can chose to see all the colors as dark and bleak, or I can choose to see the color values that stand out the most, the positive colors and I can choose to forgive her and myself for not seeing all the pretty rainbow of colors sooner.
“We must always remember, and never, ever forget and leave those we love behind.” Marion Ward
This is a youtube video I just produced of a cover we did of “Nights in White Satin” by the Moody Blues. The pictures are all from the last year and include pictures from a birth, my great nephew Hunter Miller, my nephews wedding, Jacob to Amanda Miller, Mike’s birthday/ Saint Patrick’s Day, Easter, and Kira’s graduation. Michael and I went into the studio and recorded this around 2008 and we still play it. It’s a beautiful song and I wanted to share with my family and friends what a beautiful year this has been. This is a great way to remember Memorial Day 2012. To all my fellow bloggers, friends and family “THANK YOU” for the beautiful memories you have given me, the wonderful thoughts you have shared on your blogs and on Facebook…I love you all and hope everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend….and as always, Peace Jaz
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. Mark Twain
I realize that I was a very spirited child from the get go, even before I was born. You love to tell friends how I was supposed to be born in December but refused to come out of the womb until February. The fact of the matter is I must have liked it in there. It takes a special kind of strength to deal with my eccentricities, my hippy Bohemian ways, my artistic temper tantrums, my drunken revelries and all that has gone along with being my mom. You have always supported my artistic temperament and before you got sick I have cherished the memories of all my gigs that you have gone to and supported me in just by your presence alone. I’m sure you must be my #1 fan. I am fortunate to have a mother that has always supported me in whatever “new” endeavor I have chosen to take on….I love you Mom…Happy Mother’s Day! Your Daughter, Jaz
What’s in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. William Shakespeare
I have a nickname that I go by and for damn good reason. My mother named me after a popular Beatle’s song and I absolutely hate it. Abhor it! Resent it! My husband has only ever known me by my nickname, although he’s well aware of my real name. He called me by my given name to someone who is a complete stranger to me. She had friended me on Facebook and I was looking at her page wanting to learn a little about her when I ran across their conversation in her home page and saw he had called me by my given name!!! Now, I know this may seem trite, but it hurt my feelings and makes me feel like he doesn’t even know me. I don’t even begin to know why he did it, what on Earth would incite him to call me by my given name, especially to this woman that I don’t even know! I realize that they are fiends from way back but it makes absolutely NO SENSE TO ME and my feelings are hurt!!! Very hurt! Now I don’t even want to know this woman because what is she supposed to think when my husband, who has always called me Jaz, has given her a completely different name, someone who I AM NOT! What is she supposed to think when everyone calls me Jaz and so does he and out of the blue he calls me by a name I NEVER use and no one calls me by that!!!!
“I hope your dreams take you… to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.” ~ Unknown
I have no great pearls of wisdom for you my darling daughter on your 18th birthday in less than two days. I can tell you this,that when you were born into this world you brought joy and beauty with you. Your laughter is the sweetest, your natural gifts are amazing and you are one of the most beautiful creatures nature ever created. I feel lucky to be your mother, I feel graced for having been the one fortunate enough to give you life, and I feel pride at the beautiful young woman I see before me….Pearls of wisdom…I have none, just a loving wish from me to you that each new day will blossom more beautiful than the last and that you will have happiness and find that great path in life leading you to your greatest expectations.
happy Birthday Kira…………………Love your mom