Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars. Violeta Parra
We had a falling out, Donna and I did. We both did some stupid things to each other that caused a friendship of over 27 years to fall away, awash in mistrust and lies. We really stopped our friendship about a year ago and I won’t go into the reasons why here, it’s irrelevant. Needless to say, we have finally forgiven each other. It took some time and some work, but we are friends once again. Yes, we have renewed our friendship but there is a certain amount of trust that has been shattered and can’t ever be retrieved. No matter what I can always forgive, but I will never forget, I can’t, the pain is still too fresh, too new. So, we are friends at arms length. Is it good to have her back in my life, I don;t know yet…..That remains to be seen. On the other hand, my best friend, Brian (Boo), who is my daughter’s Godfather, pretty much blew me off. We were supposed to go do something together while he was here from Pocatello and we didn’t. He stopped in to see me for like a 1/2 hour on Tuesday and that was it. He has gone back home now. I had asked him to stick around and come see us play tonight at The Gathering Place, but he wanted to be home yesterday. It hurts that he didn’t make more time for me. Ci est la vie.
With that I leave you with queen…
Friends are like roses…you have to look out for the pricks!~ Anonymous.
Even before I finally became sober I was slowly eliminating “bad” friends out of my life. It was a long process, sometimes they just didn’t want to let go, but in order for me to maintain my sobriety I had to let them go. The first ones to go were the ones that enabled my drinking the most with their own drinking habits, these were actually the easiest. The ones that were closest to me were the hardest to let go of because they are the ones that hurt me the worse. One “friend”, the one I thought that loved me most betrayed me in such a way that I will never be able to forgive them. This person had gotten sober and found “god” but they didn’t eliminate some of their worse traits and I inadvertently found out that this person was never really a true friend in the first place because they went after something very close to my heart and tried to take it for their own when I was going through a very rough patch in my life. This same person has been trying to get back into my life, but what they don’t realize is that once they betrayed me in that way there is no hope whatever that they will ever get back into my life ever again.
Then there is this “friend” that had helped me out through a very rough patch in my life. I thought that they were being a “friend”. It wasn’t until after I was quite a ways into my sobriety that it came to me that they weren’t really a friend at all. This person had kept enabling me in my drinking, even though I had been telling them for months that I wanted to quit, that I needed to quit, that my life depended on my quitting. I finally realized how caustic this person really was and is. I finally told them to stay away from me, not to call me, and I explained to them that every time I saw them it took me right back to that bad place I was in just a few short months ago and I needed them to stay away from me because the memories were far too painful. I told this person that if I saw them I would turn and walk the other way because just simply by their presence it reminded me of the pit of hell I was in and it was hurtful to my sobriety.
Fortunately now I have a whole new group of friends that are loving and sober and working on the same goals that I am. They are supportive and have been with me since the first day I met them on our paths to sobriety. With friends like that who needs the trash of old enabling friendships sticking around with its stench and flies buzzing incessantly around.
“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.” - Charles Caleb Colton
Ok, I admit it. I am a dummy. One of my best friends, Gracie, has been on my mind and I have been meaning to go see her. For goodness sake we live in the same town, she’s only 13 blocks away. What is my problem? Well you know the song and dance, we get busy and wrapped up in our own lives. I’ll be the first to admit that since my daughter has been living with me my list of things to do has doubled. This isn’t only due to her presence here, but also due to the fact that, like most people, summertime is always a busy time with BBQ’s, summer activities and etc. For us, being musicians, we have tons of summer concerts we play and there is always rehearsal time and we are always on the go. So you know what I did? I blew it. Gracie is now in the hospital, she had a stroke and a heart attack and I didn’t get to see her until last night. I didn’t even know you could have both a stroke and a heart attack. What is wrong with me? She is looking so pallid, but she’s talking. She wasn’t mad at me for not coming before, but I know she had to be disappointed, as I was, that we are seeing each other under these circumstances. SHe is my daughter’s God Mother and I should have made an effort to go see her sooner. Yes, I am a dummy!
“We must always remember, and never, ever forget and leave those we love behind.” Marion Ward
This is a youtube video I just produced of a cover we did of “Nights in White Satin” by the Moody Blues. The pictures are all from the last year and include pictures from a birth, my great nephew Hunter Miller, my nephews wedding, Jacob to Amanda Miller, Mike’s birthday/ Saint Patrick’s Day, Easter, and Kira’s graduation. Michael and I went into the studio and recorded this around 2008 and we still play it. It’s a beautiful song and I wanted to share with my family and friends what a beautiful year this has been. This is a great way to remember Memorial Day 2012. To all my fellow bloggers, friends and family “THANK YOU” for the beautiful memories you have given me, the wonderful thoughts you have shared on your blogs and on Facebook…I love you all and hope everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend….and as always, Peace Jaz
An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body. – Jim Hayes
My best friend and my daughter’s Godfather, Brian or( Boo as I call him), is finally coming up to see me after the longest time and I am totally euphoric about it. If only he knew everything I have been through in the last few years since the last time I saw him and really spent some best friend time with him. If only he knew how many times I have nearly crumbled and fallen through the cracks into a black hole of despair. If he only knew how many times I needed his support, I know he would have been here in a heartbeat. We’ve seen each other through everything, divorces, marriages, children’s births and deaths. Now here we are, some 20+ years later, still the best of friends. If you have ever seen “My Best Friend’s Wedding” with Julia Roberts then you know exactly what kind of relationship we have. Fair warning! We are going to be out and about Saturday night and things always get crazy with us so you might want to clear a path.
Life is one big road with lots of signs. So when you riding through the ruts, don’t complicate your mind. Flee from hate, mischief and jealousy. Don’t bury your thoughts, put your vision to reality . Wake Up and Live! Bob Marley
There are signs of life here. I see them, and I feel them moving in an inextricable force that is moving me closer to healing. When I completed the melody for the song I wrote, “Empty (Cease to Exist)” I knew there were signs of life in me. It’s the first song I have completed from beginning to end in 2 years and for once I am happy with the results. The final step is working out the rough edges and going into the studio to record, but that is by far two of the easiest steps I will have to take. There are signs of life here. I dream them, and they are moving in mysterious patterns to help me heal. I had a dream the other day about a friend that I had broke off my friendship with. When I woke up there was a message from her on facebook. Talk about your weird case of dejavu. We hadn’t spoke in months and the same morning I dream about her she sends me a message. I looked at the time she sent the message and it was about the time I was waking from dreaming about her. The dream I was having was not a good one, it brought to surface all the negative energy I was feeling about our relationship. Call it psychic energy, call it ESP, call it what you will, but for me it was just too strange that she should message after months of silence on that particular day and at that particular time. It’s a sure sign of life in my healing process that I am able to forgive myself for the mistake I made in our relationship and a definite sign that I am healing that I have forgiven her. There are signs of life here, I messaged her back and friended her, a sure sign that I am healing.