Tag Archives: love

Searching for Impossible Love….Aquarius Horoscope

Standard

Aquarius Horoscope for week of February 14, 2013

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
“All these years I’ve been searching for an impossible love,” said French writer Marguerite Duras late in her life. The novels and films she created reflect that feeling. Her fictional characters are often engaged in obsessive quests for an ideal romance that would allow them to express their passion perfectly and fulfill their longing completely. In the meantime, their actual relationships in the real world suffer, even as their starry-eyed aspirations remain forever frustrated. I invite you, Aquarius, to celebrate this Valentine season by taking a vow of renunciation. Summon the courage to forswear Duras’s doomed approach to love. 

You need love almost as much as you need food and drink. Not just any old kind of love, though: It has to be high-minded and mysterious, and neither sentimental nor tormented. Hoping to steer you towards what you really need, I’m offering you the poetic words of Pablo Neruda. Say or write them to the person whose destiny needs to be woven more closely together with yours: “Our love is like a well in the wilderness where time watches over the wandering lightning. Our sleep is a secret tunnel that leads to the scent of apples carried on the wind. When I hold you, I hold everything that is–swans, volcanoes, river rocks, maple trees drinking the fragrance of the moon, bread that the fire adores. In your life I see everything that lives.”

 

 

Mysteries of Intimacy

Standard
Mysteries of Intimacy

Aquarius Horoscope for week of July 19, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
I brazenly predict, my dear Aquarius, that in the next ten months you will fall in love with love more deeply than you have in over a decade. You will figure out a way to exorcise the demons that have haunted your relationship with romance, and you will enjoy some highly entertaining amorous interludes. The mysteries of intimacy will reveal new secrets to you, and you will have good reasons to redefine the meaning of “fun.” Is there any way these prophecies of mine could possibly fail to materialize? Yes, but only if you take yourself too seriously and insist on remaining attached to the old days and old ways. 

Well that’s a cool prediction by Rob. Does this mean that I am going to tap into some level of my relationship with Michael that I previously didn’t know existed. Sounds exciting doesn’t it? We have been together a decade and August 12 is our 8 year wedding anniversary. Maybe Eros is trying to tell me something?

A Common Bond

Standard
A Common Bond

“Our Similarities bring us to a common ground; Our Differences allow us to be fascinated by each other.” Tom Robbins

You might be in the right place when….You have an addiction and everyone there does too. You are in a room chalk full of complete strangers, yet the love and support is there for you to take and to give. You have a chance to untimely change your life through the kindness of others that share a similar bond with you. You have a place to go almost every night to receive love and support, you can listen to the trials and tribulations of others so similar to your own, and  every single person here shares the exact same problem as you do. Their road map to getting to these hollowed rooms may have been different, but the perils and dangers are the same. Each road that each person traveled may have been different, but inevitably led to a choice of two paths, life or death. I only recently began going to meetings, but I know something now that I didn’t know then. In my past failures in my trials with sobriety I failed because I neglected to set up a solid support system of people like myself, struggle like myself and are needing support to make it through another 24 like myself. Thank Buddha I finally figured it out. I think I’m home.

Bringing on the Heartbreak

Standard
Bringing on the Heartbreak

“Earthquakes just happen. Tornadoes just happen. Your tongue does not just happen to fall into some other girls mouth!” 
― Gemma HallidayDeadly Cool

Kira and I have been insanely busy getting ready for our gig on Wednesday, she has been stressed out because of the rehearsal time involved. Now, to add to her stress, she just found a bunch of nude pics of a girl that lives 2 doors down from her boyfriend. If that’s not bad enough, this girl and Kira’s boyfriend have been exchanging sexual text messages. She came home crying and I held her. I don’t know how to tell her that 18 year old boys do really stupid things. I didn’t know how to tell her that 18 year old boys think with their little head. I didn’t know how to take away her hurt. It made me cry, like the first time she got her inoculations, or the first time she scraped her knee. But this, this is far worse because her pain is inside and I don’t have a band-aid for that and it hurts me inside that I can’t help her. All I can do is give her words and support her. I told her to dump the ass clown immediately, problem is, she’s in love with him. We know, as adults, how quickly and easily we forgive when we love someone really deep. All I can do now, as a mother, is support her and try to keep her busy so she doesn’t sit and dwell on the fact that this boy, that I liked so well, is not worthy of her love.

Honesty

Standard
Honesty

“If you do not tell the truth about yourself you cannot tell it about other people.” ― Virginia Woolf

Ok, I will be the first to admit that I have been in a deeply pensive, philosophical mood the last few days. I get that way. Sometimes I blurt out exactly what I am feeling and forget that, at times, my honesty can be so blaring and blatantly painful to those who are caught unawares in the heat of my expression. I will not apologize for being honest about my feelings, but I will say that I only hope you understand that I need to express what I am feeling when I am feeling it. It is not intended as a weapon to wound you. The last thing I would ever chose to do is harm another by my words and certainly never with my fists. I just need to express myself or I will disintegrate and possibly explode. That’s not to say that I feel any particular way all the time. They are just vague but strong feelings that cross over my heart like a cloud blocks out the sun, but, as in life, the cloud passes. Please don’t take it too much to heart, this too shall pass! Never, ever forget that you are my best friend, you are the heart of my hearts and the love of my life!

I am not a BIG ONJ fan, but if the shoe fits

One Good Turn Deserves Another!

Standard
One Good Turn Deserves Another!

“One of the most beautiful gifts in the world is the gift of encouragement. When someone encourages you, that person helps you over a threshold you might otherwise never have crossed on your own.” 
― John O’DonohueEternal Echoes: Celtic Reflections on Our Yearning to Belong

Ok , so I woke up this morning and opened my wordpress as  I always do every morning to see what my fellow bloggers are up to and what interesting things they are writing and doing in their lives. I like to do this everyday and I only comment when I think I have something to add. So, to my surprise, I opened up wordpress this a.m. and what should I find? allaboutlemon had nominated me for “Most Beautiful and Versatile Blogger Award.” I have no idea what I did to deserve such an auspicious award, but I do thank her.   Well, Dolly my love, one good turn deserves another. So, just for you I am creating the “Most Beautiful Karma Award”. And you my dear are the first recipient! So here is your reward and award, much love, Jaz!

And of course I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t also give you your own song Dolly, so here it is! Enjoy!!!

Crazy Dayz

Standard
Crazy Dayz

Always gotta keep busy or the voices start telling me to do wild things. Steve Brown

This has been a very busy and creative week for me and Kira. We completed 10 of the light switch covers, I finished a new sketch and finished writing a new song with Michael. Unbelievable, even to myself, I managed to finish planting my entire garden and managed to read 3 books. Yes, I finished that damn civil war book, read a biography of Harriett Tubman and read another autobiography about the true story of a slave girl that finally managed to escape from her oppressors. I have now started reading another book about the war in the west during the civil war era. I don’t know what’s gotten into me but this last week has been one of my most productive in months and I’m loving every minute of it.

Here is the sketch called “Masquerade” drawn from a photo I saw on a blog:

 

 And here are some pics of the light switch covers we painted:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Needless to say it has been a busy, busy week and here’s how Kira looked after all was done and said:

Lay it on the Line!

Standard
Lay it on the Line!

One of the best ways of keeping your temper in an argument, as most of us know only too well, is not to listen to anything the other person has to say. – Alice Miller

I love this quote, but it’s more satirical than realistic. In an argument it is important to listen to the other’s point of view so that you can fully understand where they are coming from. It’s hard to keep your head and your cool when you are arguing about something that affects you personally.  My husband and I don’t argue very often, because we are best friends, but when we do I know I have a bad habit of shutting him out and not really hearing what he is saying. Even if he is right somehow my brain just shuts him down. I think it’s a natural response to feeling like I’m being attacked. On the other hand I want him to understand where I am coming from also. Arguments can’t be one-sided. Both parties need to get their feelings out there on the table for the other party to examine closely so that a mutual agreement can be reached. That’s the hard part, reaching down into your emotional pocket and fishing out the root of the problem, however, if you don’t get to the root it will grow into an uncontrollable weed. Next thing you know it is taking over your backyard and you don’t understand why.

 

Love and Support

Standard
Love and Support

Aquarius Horoscope for week of April 12, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
We all know that spiders are talented little creatures. Spiders’ silk is as strong as steel, and their precisely geometric webs are engineering marvels. But even though they have admirable qualities I admire, I don’t expect to have an intimate connection with a spider any time soon. A similar situation is at work in the human realm. I know certain people who are amazing creators and leaders but don’t have the personal integrity or relationship skills that would make them trustworthy enough to seek out as close allies. Their beauty is best appreciated from afar. Consider the possibility that the ideas I’m articulating here would be good for you to meditate on right now, Aquarius. 
All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don’t know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative.

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT 
Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don’t have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are. 

Wow! Rob went on and on today in my horoscope! He just reminded me of how supportive my family and friends have been in my choice of sobriety. They have given me all the love and support that I could possibly ask for and it is helping me make smarter and better decisions, thank Buddha for my friends and family! I honestly don’t believe I could be this strong without them and I love them so much more for it. If you or someone you know is struggling with this same problem please remember that your support and love can make all the difference to them and whether they chose to live or throw their life away fruitlessly. 

Rising of the Crane

Standard
Rising of the Crane

“I will write peace
on your wings
and you will fly
all over the world.”
(Sadako Sasaki)

Please take the time to click this link and read The story of the Peace Crane It’s a beautifully sad tale about a little girl, Sadako Sasaki, that I found very touching.

This is my first drawing in the longest time. I have finally gotten back into the swing of doing some art work again and the first charcoal drawing I did was of this Asian Crane. I found the illustration of “The Farmer and the Cranes” in a book I have of Aesop’s Fables. Cranes are symbols of longevity and a rise to a higher status. This is a good starting point for me to begin doing art work again. It’s symbolic of my rise from a very deep, dark place into the light of a love so rich and filled with truth. A rise from ignorance to understanding of my own nature and the nature of those closest to me. A rise from stagnancy to motion. It is a very reinforcing image for me and I will carry it with me like the Crane carries beauty and peace on its wings, rising ever higher in the skies of love and serenity.

Do You Remember, My Love?

Standard
Do You Remember, My Love?

Memory is a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are, the things you never want to lose.  ~From the television show The Wonder Years

Do you remember the first time we met, my love? You stepped out of your red and silver truck and walked into my world and my life. It’s as if I knew from the moment I saw you that I would be with you, always. Do you remember the first time we touched, my love? It was passion unbridled. It was an intense expression of longing and need. It was music, pure and untainted. Do you remember what our joining did, my love? It saved me from a brutal mentally abusive situation to a man who took me for granted. A man that was trying to destroy me, and probably would have if you hadn’t saved me. Do you remember, my love? I do and always will. Thank you for being the most vital part of my life and my love.

This is our version of Landslide, it means the world to me and was one of the first songs we produced.

click here for a link to Landslide by Jaz and EZ Street http://www.myspace.com/music/player?sid=2550123&ac=now

Getting down

Honesty Sux Huh?!

Standard
Honesty Sux Huh?!

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes being completely honest is entirely too hard for other people to take. I believe they want lies, it’s easier to soak in because that is what they are used to. When you are blatantly honest they don’t know what to think or feel. If you don’t like the truth then stay out of my playground. I will never cease to tell you the truth regardless of what you may think you want to hear. I am not here to coddle you or change your diapers. Poop is ugly, no matter how you look at it! Many times people expect you to eat shit politely with a knife and fork, screw that!

The Child’s Gift

Standard
The Child’s Gift

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed. Robert C. Gallagher

I just had the most interesting conversation with my daughter! It just dawned on me that, yes, she indeed is a young woman. She is no longer the child that I held in my arms. She stands taller than me for goodness sake! I am proud of her, she just graduated early and is finding her path in life. My sincerest hope is that she follows her artistic path or “autistic path” as I affectionately call it. Being artistic is such a pain in the ass and she knows it too. We talked about how being an artist can cause you a lot of pain. The painting at the top of my blog is one of hers. She never ceases to amaze me with her abilities. I am a very lucky woman to have brought such a beautiful treasure into this world. And yes that is her picture on the blog entry, how lucky am I!

It’s Time to Focus!

Standard
It’s Time to Focus!

We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what’s wrong in your life, or you can focus on what’s right.
Marianne Williamson

I must admit that my focus has been out of skew. I allowed myself to fall in a well of self pity and that was wrong. There have been quite a few changes that hit so fast I wasn’t ready for them. I promised myself that I was going to get on track, and I will. I will not allow my hurting to drag me down anymore than I have. Thank you to those that have read my blogs and shown care and concern, it’s very sweet and has made me feel better!

“Eloise to Abelard” by Alexander Pope a Timeless Love Poem

Gallery

Expressions of Love

Standard
Expressions of Love

Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit. – Kahlil Gibran

It is not enough just to feel that you have love or are loved. Without that expression of love being shown, whether it be in words, displays of affection or just simply saying those “three little words” that everyone longs to hear, without that, life can seem like a barren oak in winter. It seems like every valentine’s day all couples go through this dilemma of how best to express their love to one another. We search down the seasonal isle of red plastic wrapped hearts of chocolates, stuffed bears proclaiming your love for all to see, and the beautifully wrapped roses and flowers in a collage of colors sure to please the heart of anyone. Yet, sometimes the gift that is most precious and the hardest to give is as simple as a gentle touch, a warm gesture or just saying “I love you.” 

Kahlil Gibran on Love 

When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden. 

For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth. 

Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast. 

All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart. 

But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love. 

When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. 

Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.

Living in Fear

Standard
Living in Fear

 Charles Dickens – “Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the past incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present dragging its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes of awful pomp seeking but a moment’s rest among the long-forgotten haunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday and dimly finding fear and horror everywhere” 

I have lived my life in constant fear without ever really knowing it. I am just beginning to learn how much my life has been shrouded in fear. It has caused me to be unable move forward in a lot of things, relationships, my music, a lot more than I care to count. Whenever I feel frightened of something or insecure my first reaction, my knee-jerk reaction is to close up and run. When you come from a distended family that is not affectionate and abusive you do this as a mode of protection. It’s a way of protecting yourself and shielding yourself from things that may hurt you, it’s the same reaction we have when something is flying at us, we curl up and turn away from it so it causes the least damage. I went to a concert last night and while walking there I noticed how bruised the sky looked, the sun had gone down for the most part and the clouds were shades of purple, blue and gray. It looked much like a healing bruise. If the sky can heal why can’t I?

My Soulmate

Standard
My Soulmate

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. ~Richard Bach

Never in my wildest expectations did I ever think I would meet you or find you. It was serendipity. It was one posting that brought you into my life, one strange set of circumstances that drew us together. In the time I have gotten to know you I have never felt more close or more drawn to anyone like you before, because there is no one like you! You are unique and you fit me like a glove. I have told you this many times before and I hope you only realize that you mean the world to me. You are my soul-mate through and through! 

Sailing Through the Changes

Standard
Sailing Through the Changes

“The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing, is nothing, and becomes nothing. He may avoid suffering and sorrow, but he simply cannot learn and feel and change and grow and love and live.” Leo Buscaglia

 

  • The winds of change are blowing in my life, they always are. This time though the winds seem stronger, more powerful. They seem to be blowing me toward a new beginning. I want to embrace the change, rather than fight it. I want to make a sail for my boat and allow the winds to help me get to where I need to be, a place that’s warm and inviting, safe and protected, that shelters from the darkest storms that may come. In this place I know is peace and happiness….joy and fulfillment….trust and love. I feel that in this place I will find deep understanding of myself and my nature. I will embrace and be embraced in a love so deep that the strongest winds could not blow it away. 

 

 

Thoughts on Music

Standard
Thoughts on Music

“I was born with music inside me. Music was one of my parts. Like my ribs, my kidneys, my liver, my heart. Like my blood. It was a force already within me when I arrived on the scene. It was a necessity for me-like food or water.” Ray Charles

Music is the first love of my life. I have been a musician from the day I left my mother’s womb and it will follow me to the grave. If a person wanted to find a way to my heart it would be through the entrancing rhythm of music flowing sweetly. There can never be enough music.

Song of the day Love Song cover by Adele http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5f1D9kHogq0