Tag Archives: relationships

How You Treat Others

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How You Treat Others

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. Winston Churchill 

How you treat others and speak to them is a direct reflection of yourself. If you look down on others and treat them with disdain what is this saying about you as a person? On the other side of the coin, if you treat each and every person with courtesy and respect what does that say? Recently I have had the experience of running into both ends of the spectrum. I have had one person that was so rude and short with me that I will never speak with that person ever again. This person treated me as if I was no better than a little bug under their shoe. On the other hand I have met some very sweet people that have been warm and inviting and in the end formed some new friendships. In the middle of the spectrum I have a friend who is incredibly self-involved and only seems to be focusing on their own current negative situation. They are so busy having a pity party that they are completely oblivious to the people around them and the difficulties of their friend’s situations. If you are hurting, this person is hurting 10 x’s worse. You know this person. Rather than focusing their energy on fixing the situation they blow their horn vociferously to anyone who will listen about their terrible situation and how no one is helping them. Part of the problem with this, beyond the obvious, is when a person does this their friends will draw away from them like pulling back from a hot stove. Truly, it is ok to tell people your situation, but always try to have a positive outlook and a plan on how you can fix it. No one is going to fix it for you. If you sit and cry to people all day, everyday, about your situation you are 1. wasting energy that could serve a better purpose and 2. Pushing people away from you as surely as if you were a hot, flaming coal of self-pity. No matter how bad your situation is it serves you better as a person to always keep in mind that your situation could be worse and you are not the only one hurting in this world. We all need to vent and let our friends and family know what’s going on with us, but it’s ultimately important to take the high road and if one avenue doesn’t work, explore other avenues. Eventually you will find the road that works, and never give up. No matter what, keep in mind that the things you spew out of your mouth can end up coming back to bite you and push people away. With that I leave you with the Beatles, have a peaceful day :)

Negativism, Rage, Anger and the Internet

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Negativism, Rage, Anger and the Internet

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think we are all guilty of it. At some point or another we have gotten on our FaceBook, or our blog, I know that I have, and just spewed out all the anger or rage or disgust we are feeling at someone or thing we have felt treated us unjustly. I have done it in moments of rage, hurt and anger. Did it solve anything, absolutely not. Did it make things any better, well, I might have felt better for like 2.5 seconds. At the end of the day I came to realize that spewing that kind of anger may or may not reach my intended target. What I did realize is that the many friends and family and people I didn’t even know saw that anger and rage just as surely as if I was standing on the busiest intersection in the world butt naked. Do I want people seeing this anger and hot rage. No! Sure, I may be angry, but spewing out a diatribe of profanity and rage serves no purpose other than to alienate people you know and people you don’t even know yet. It completely turns people off. My advice to anyone feeling this kind of rage and anger at someone is to confront the person that hurt you face to face, not FaceBook to FaceBook. Take it from someone who knows, it will only come back to hurt you in some unexpected way just as surely as a boomerang comes back to the hand that threw it. Be peaceful my friends, if you’re angry don’t keep it bottled up, confront the source, don’t spew it out there for the world to see. Once it’s out there you can’t take it back, nor can you take back the indelible impression you will leave with all those people that you probably didn’t even know were seeing it. Just my Buddhist thought for the day and on that note I will leave you with No Doubt….

 

 

Expectations…

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Expectations…

Aquarius Horoscope for week of October 18, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
“Dear Rob: I really enjoy reading your horoscopes. You feel like a friend I’ve never met. When I try to picture what you’re like, I keep getting a vision of you as being fat, short, and bald with a strawberry blond moustache. Am I right? – Curious Aquarius.” Dear Curious: It’s great that you’ve decided to do a reality check. This is an excellent time for all you Aquarians to see if what you imagine to be true is a match for the world as it actually is. To answer your question, I am in fact tall and thin, don’t wear a moustache, and have an abundance of long silver hair. Evil is boring. The universe is friendly. Life is on your side. Joy is your birthright.

Cynicism is idiotic. Fear is a bad habit. Despair is lazy. In fact, all of creation wants you to succeed.
Act as if the universe is a prodigious miracle created for your amusement and illumination. Assume that secret helpers are working behind the scenes to assist you in turning into the gorgeous masterpiece you were born to be. Retrain your senses and intellect so you’re able to perceive the fact that life always gives you exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.

I firmly like to believe that what I imagine to be true is, but more often than not I find I am let down by my own expectations of who I expect people to be and what expectations I have for situations. I have found, especially when it comes to music, that if I don’t expect too much out of the musicians and different venue owners I have to work with then I am less prone to heartbreaks because I was let down. This isn’t to say that I don’t set the bar as high for everyone else as I do for myself, it is only to say that people are fickle and I am grateful for  whatever little gems of light they have to give me. That is my only expectation, give me a tiny pin point of light and I will show you a sunbeam!

On that note here is our cover of “Come on People Now/Smile on Your Brother” by the Youngbloods. This was recorded by my husband and I about 3 or 4 years ago. Hope you enjoy!

 

Affection, Aquarius Horoscope For the Week

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Affection, Aquarius Horoscope For the Week

Aquarius Horoscope for week of September 6, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
There’s a certain lesson in love that you have been studying and studying and studying — and yet have never quite mastered. Several different teachers have tried with only partial success to provide you with insights that would allow you to graduate to the next level of romantic understanding. That’s the bad news, Aquarius. The good news is that all this could change in the coming months. I foresee a breakthrough in your relationship with intimacy. I predict benevolent jolts and healing shocks that will allow you to learn at least some of the open-hearted truths that have eluded you all this time. 

I am so guilty of this relationship infraction! I know that many women complain about lack of intimacy in their relationships with their spouses or better 1/2’s. I, on the other hand, hate being smothered. I love my space and I am guilty of not being the most affectionate person in the world. Don’t get the wrong impression, my husband and I touch each other and laugh and hug and kiss, but man I hate being suffocated. My husband fits me just perfect because he gives me hugs and kisses and loves. No, we don’t spoon at night and if we do it’s brief. I have one friend that has finally pushed me to the limits of our friendship. Every time he sees me he is always trying to hug me and I finally got to the point where I don’t even want to see him anymore because he’s always trying to put his hands on me and it makes my skin crawl. He thinks I am mad at him, and I guess in a way I am because I have told him to stop trying to hug up on me and he didn’t understand that he is an over whelming bear of a person that is overly affectionate. I really didn’t intend upon hurting his feeling, but “Hello!”, boundaries! I just hope my husband doesn’t feel that I am not affectionate enough….hmmmmm? 

Mothers and Daughters

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Mothers and Daughters

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. 

Ok, so my therapist wants me to write a letter to my mom about all the resentments I have toward her. Damn man! Why? I am where I am in my thinking about my mother and I don’t understand why she wants me to dredge up past resentments that I have let go of. That is not the Buddhist way and I don’t like rolling that way. I think that a majority of women have resentments toward their mothers and no matter how good or evil their mothers are or were they are set up to fail no matter what they do. We daughters put a high level of expectation upon our mothers because that is the matriarch we look up to. It’s really not fair to them, if you think about. We take our mothers and place them upon this pedestal that I think not even the best of mothers can reach the pinnacle of and when they don’t reach our level of expectation we get angry and resentful. That’s not fair to them. They are human and fallible just like everyone, but I think we daughters look to our mothers as some sort of superhuman with no kryptonite and that’s our own fault. Sure, my mom was a self-involved creature and I know for a fact she never wanted children, but her moral beliefs would not allow her to “get rid” of us. She was more interested in partying and being free than being strapped to 3 children. Oh well, I can do nothing to change who she was then, I can’t change all the ways she let me down then, what I am capable of changing is the kaleidoscope I view our relationship through. I can chose to see all the colors as dark and bleak, or I can choose to see the color values that stand out the most, the positive colors and I can choose to forgive her and myself for not seeing all the pretty rainbow of colors sooner.

Mysteries of Intimacy

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Mysteries of Intimacy

Aquarius Horoscope for week of July 19, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
I brazenly predict, my dear Aquarius, that in the next ten months you will fall in love with love more deeply than you have in over a decade. You will figure out a way to exorcise the demons that have haunted your relationship with romance, and you will enjoy some highly entertaining amorous interludes. The mysteries of intimacy will reveal new secrets to you, and you will have good reasons to redefine the meaning of “fun.” Is there any way these prophecies of mine could possibly fail to materialize? Yes, but only if you take yourself too seriously and insist on remaining attached to the old days and old ways. 

Well that’s a cool prediction by Rob. Does this mean that I am going to tap into some level of my relationship with Michael that I previously didn’t know existed. Sounds exciting doesn’t it? We have been together a decade and August 12 is our 8 year wedding anniversary. Maybe Eros is trying to tell me something?

Spite

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Spite

When we judge or criticize another person, it says nothing about that person; it merely says something about our own need to be critical.

It has been a very intense week of rehearsals and we still have 4 more days of heavy rehearsals. Maybe I am exhausted, maybe I’m being oversensitive, I don’t know, but my daughter informed me today that when I picked her up after graduation her dad, my ex-husband, was bashing me. He was saying a bunch of negative stuff about me in front of his alcoholic wife and my daughter. Kira informed me that he was just trying to make his current wife feel better about herself. He was saying to whoever would listen that I didn’t look like the same person he had married in a negative way. Well of course I don’t, when he married me I was 24. I left him when I was 28 and now I am 42. Of course I’ve aged! What did he expect to happen, that I would dump myself in a bottle of vinegar and preserve myself. What is it about people that makes therm feel the need to negatively criticize people to make them selves or someone else feel better. I hate to inform him of this but his criticizing me in front of his wife is not going to raise her self esteem enough to get her out of the bottle. That is not how recovery works. In fact, from experience, I can tell you that a person in recovery such as myself needs positive input. I don’t know what purpose he was hoping to achieve but I have a feeling it is going to backfire on him. I may be older but I know that I am still a very attractive woman and what he has to say really shouldn’t affect me, right? In some strange way it does. I don’t really understand it, maybe I am just tired today.

Memorial Day Family and Friend Dedication

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Memorial Day Family and Friend Dedication

“We must always remember, and never, ever forget and leave those we love behind.” Marion Ward

This is a youtube video I just produced of a cover we did of “Nights in White Satin” by the Moody Blues. The pictures are all from the last year and include pictures from a birth, my great nephew Hunter Miller, my nephews wedding, Jacob to Amanda Miller, Mike’s birthday/ Saint Patrick’s Day, Easter, and Kira’s graduation. Michael and I went into the studio and recorded this around 2008 and we still play it. It’s a beautiful song and I wanted to share with my family and friends what a beautiful year this has been. This is a great way to remember Memorial Day 2012. To all my fellow bloggers, friends and family “THANK YOU” for the beautiful memories you have given me, the wonderful thoughts you have shared on your blogs and on Facebook…I love you all and hope everyone has a safe and happy Memorial Day weekend….and as always, Peace Jaz

It’s Been A Long Time, Too Long!

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It’s Been A Long Time, Too Long!

An old friend will help you move. A good friend will help you move a dead body. — Jim Hayes

My best friend and my daughter’s Godfather, Brian or( Boo as I call him), is finally coming up to see me after the longest time and I am totally euphoric about it. If only he knew everything I have been through in the last few years since the last time I saw him and really spent some best friend time with him. If only he knew how many times I have nearly crumbled and fallen through the cracks into a black hole of despair. If he only knew how many times I needed his support, I know he would have been here in a heartbeat. We’ve seen each other through everything, divorces, marriages, children’s births and deaths. Now here we are, some 20+ years later, still the best of friends. If you have ever seen “My Best Friend’s Wedding” with Julia Roberts then you know exactly what kind of relationship we have.  Fair warning! We are going to be out and about Saturday night and things always get crazy with us so you might want to clear a path. 

Lay it on the Line!

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Lay it on the Line!

One of the best ways of keeping your temper in an argument, as most of us know only too well, is not to listen to anything the other person has to say. – Alice Miller

I love this quote, but it’s more satirical than realistic. In an argument it is important to listen to the other’s point of view so that you can fully understand where they are coming from. It’s hard to keep your head and your cool when you are arguing about something that affects you personally.  My husband and I don’t argue very often, because we are best friends, but when we do I know I have a bad habit of shutting him out and not really hearing what he is saying. Even if he is right somehow my brain just shuts him down. I think it’s a natural response to feeling like I’m being attacked. On the other hand I want him to understand where I am coming from also. Arguments can’t be one-sided. Both parties need to get their feelings out there on the table for the other party to examine closely so that a mutual agreement can be reached. That’s the hard part, reaching down into your emotional pocket and fishing out the root of the problem, however, if you don’t get to the root it will grow into an uncontrollable weed. Next thing you know it is taking over your backyard and you don’t understand why.

 

Love and Support

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Love and Support

Aquarius Horoscope for week of April 12, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
We all know that spiders are talented little creatures. Spiders’ silk is as strong as steel, and their precisely geometric webs are engineering marvels. But even though they have admirable qualities I admire, I don’t expect to have an intimate connection with a spider any time soon. A similar situation is at work in the human realm. I know certain people who are amazing creators and leaders but don’t have the personal integrity or relationship skills that would make them trustworthy enough to seek out as close allies. Their beauty is best appreciated from afar. Consider the possibility that the ideas I’m articulating here would be good for you to meditate on right now, Aquarius. 
All of creation loves you very much. Even now, people you know and people you don’t know are collaborating to make sure you have all you need to make your next smart move. But are you willing to start loving life back with an equal intensity? The adoration it offers you has not exactly been unrequited, but there is room for you to be more demonstrative.

SACRED ADVERTISEMENT 
Whatever you choose to focus your attention on, you will get more of it. If you often think of everything you lack and how sad you are that you don’t have it, you will tend to receive prolific evidence of how true that is. As you obsess on all the ways your life is different from what you wish it would be, you will become an expert in rousing feelings of frustration and you will attract experiences that assist you in rousing frustration.

If, on the other hand, you dwell on the good things you have already had the privilege to experience, you will expand your appreciation for their blessings, which in turn will amplify their beneficent impact on your life. You will also magnetize yourself to receive further good things, making it more likely that they will be attracted into your sphere. At the very least, you will get in the habit of enjoying yourself no matter what the outward circumstances are. 

Wow! Rob went on and on today in my horoscope! He just reminded me of how supportive my family and friends have been in my choice of sobriety. They have given me all the love and support that I could possibly ask for and it is helping me make smarter and better decisions, thank Buddha for my friends and family! I honestly don’t believe I could be this strong without them and I love them so much more for it. If you or someone you know is struggling with this same problem please remember that your support and love can make all the difference to them and whether they chose to live or throw their life away fruitlessly. 

Blessings of New Beginnings

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Blessings of New Beginnings

“I have always been delighted at the prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start, with perhaps a bit of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning.” ~John Boyton Priestley

I have been given the chance at a fresh start with my daughter. When she last spoke to me and the last time she was here I was having battles with my rage and my drinking. As of yesterday she has come to live with me, a beautiful gift I never expected and was sure I didn’t deserve. This is a great opportunity for me to start a fresh relationship with my daughter and I plan to grab it for all it’s worth. I’m going to make a fresh start with her and do all that I can to show her that I have changed. That I have become stronger. That I am not the spiteful, mean spirited woman I once was. Oh, for the chance at new beginnings is a blessing that one should never cease to grab hold of and treat it with the care and love it deserves!

I’m Always By Your Side

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I’m Always By Your Side

“If I can see pain in your eyes then share with me your tears. If I can see joy in your eyes then share with me your smile.” ― Santosh Kalwar

My best friend just lost his older brother and I feel so much for him. I wanted to go down to Pocatello just to be there and support him but circumstances at home prevailed. I just hope he knows that I am always here for him. That’s what best friends do, support each other through the tears and pain and laugh with them in the times of joy. Boo and I have shared some of the happiest times together and some of the saddest. We have had so many nights just sitting and talking through the years. I cherish and value his friendship and I understand his pain. Boo, just know I am thinking about you!

Honesty Sux Huh?!

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Honesty Sux Huh?!

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes being completely honest is entirely too hard for other people to take. I believe they want lies, it’s easier to soak in because that is what they are used to. When you are blatantly honest they don’t know what to think or feel. If you don’t like the truth then stay out of my playground. I will never cease to tell you the truth regardless of what you may think you want to hear. I am not here to coddle you or change your diapers. Poop is ugly, no matter how you look at it! Many times people expect you to eat shit politely with a knife and fork, screw that!

Facing the Changes

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Facing the Changes

All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another. Anatole France

Things have changed so rapidly in my life, it seems, in just a few short weeks. There are so many new and exciting challenges I must face, yet these same challenges frighten me. Every part of my world has just been turned upside down. The challenges are coming in my relationships with the people I love the most, my chosen career, and school is always a challenge. I am trying to be a strong person and face these changes with courage, yet there are times when I feel quite overwhelmed and would just like to curl up in bed, pull the covers over my head and say “To hell with it!”  But, I am a fighter, always have been and always will be. I am not one to just take shit and eat it politely with a knife and a fork. So, I say to life “bring it”, watch how this sister rolls and be prepared for the biggest battle you have ever lost because I will walk away from this and whether I win or lose I will be proud of myself for making the effort.

Omen of the Crows

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Omen of the Crows

A building gets torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that was true about everything: families. Friends. Feelings. But now I know that, sometimes, if love proves real, two people who are meant to be together — nothing can keep them apart.- Sarah from “The Crow

Last night I saw two huge trees just absolutely full of crows. I am not a superstitious person by nature but I couldn’t help getting a shiver down my spine and I couldn’t stop staring at them. I wondered, with foreboding, what ominous bit of news they may bring with them on their raven tipped pinions.  I have been having difficulty with a relationship for quite some time and I couldn’t help but wonder if this murder of crows was portending some truth that is only obvious to them. They say that when a person dies the crow carries the soul to the realm of the dead. I tend to believe that this can be looked at in different facets. In our lifetimes we have many deaths, many rebirths, and maybe the crows were simply trying to show me that it was the end, or death,  of one unhappy part of my life and the beginning of a new one. I like to believe that this is a good omen, of something bad passing away, of the crows carrying the soul of this bad thing away from me.   

“Eloise to Abelard” by Alexander Pope a Timeless Love Poem

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Living in Fear

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Living in Fear

 Charles Dickens – “Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the past incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present dragging its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes of awful pomp seeking but a moment’s rest among the long-forgotten haunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday and dimly finding fear and horror everywhere” 

I have lived my life in constant fear without ever really knowing it. I am just beginning to learn how much my life has been shrouded in fear. It has caused me to be unable move forward in a lot of things, relationships, my music, a lot more than I care to count. Whenever I feel frightened of something or insecure my first reaction, my knee-jerk reaction is to close up and run. When you come from a distended family that is not affectionate and abusive you do this as a mode of protection. It’s a way of protecting yourself and shielding yourself from things that may hurt you, it’s the same reaction we have when something is flying at us, we curl up and turn away from it so it causes the least damage. I went to a concert last night and while walking there I noticed how bruised the sky looked, the sun had gone down for the most part and the clouds were shades of purple, blue and gray. It looked much like a healing bruise. If the sky can heal why can’t I?

Happy Birthday Kira Shanel

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Happy Birthday Kira Shanel

“I hope your dreams take you… to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.” ~ Unknown

I have no great pearls of wisdom for you my darling daughter on your 18th birthday in less than two days. I can tell you this,that when you were born into this world you brought joy and beauty with you. Your laughter is the sweetest, your natural gifts are amazing and you are one of the most beautiful creatures nature ever created. I feel lucky to be your mother, I feel graced for having been the one fortunate enough to give you life, and I feel pride at the beautiful young woman I see before me….Pearls of wisdom…I have none,  just a loving wish from me to you that each new day will blossom more beautiful than the last and that you will have happiness and find that great path in life leading you to your greatest expectations.

happy Birthday Kira…………………Love your mom

My Soulmate

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My Soulmate

A soulmate is someone who has locks that fit our keys, and keys to fit our locks. When we feel safe enough to open the locks, our truest selves step out and we can be completely and honestly who we are; we can be loved for who we are and not for who we’re pretending to be. Each unveils the best part of the other. No matter what else goes wrong around us, with that one person we’re safe in our own paradise. ~Richard Bach

Never in my wildest expectations did I ever think I would meet you or find you. It was serendipity. It was one posting that brought you into my life, one strange set of circumstances that drew us together. In the time I have gotten to know you I have never felt more close or more drawn to anyone like you before, because there is no one like you! You are unique and you fit me like a glove. I have told you this many times before and I hope you only realize that you mean the world to me. You are my soul-mate through and through! 

Losing the Obvious

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Losing the Obvious

“It’s not what you look at that matters, it’s what you see.” -Henry David Thoreau

  • Sometimes we can be standing in front of a person and they never see us, truly see us for who we really are. We are negative creatures by nature and tend to see things on a pessimistic level or don’t see them at all. You can look and look at something and it can be staring you right in the face and you’ll never see it for the forest through the trees. It is just our nature. We can have the best thing standing right within arms length but we never reach out and take hold of it. The thing that is so desirable becomes like a ghost shadow that we just see right through without realizing it has substance, it has needs and wants to be seen. The sad thing of it is is this;  if we don’t grab hold of it while we can then one day it is just gone, simply disappeared, and chances are we won’t miss it until it has completely vanished and we didn’t even know when or why.