Daily Archives: March 22, 2012

Empty (Cease to Exist) by Jaz

Empty (Cease to Exist) by Jaz

Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.


Yesterday, while watching the movie “Helen” starring Ashley Judd I wrote the lyrics to a song. The movie deals with deep depression and suicide, not alcoholism,  but it helped me get my thoughts down on paper about how I have felt dealing with my alcoholism. I am sober now but I know that I will always be an alcoholic. It has been most difficult for me to express why I have drank in the past and to such great extents. This is my first true expression of the depths of my lost soul to alcohol.

Empty (Cease to Exist) by Jaz

I’m poison fruit

If  you only knew how far I’ve fallen

Maybe you’d understand

The depths of despair in my wall and

I feel so alone

Even in the most crowded of places

Storms in my heart

But I just can’t see all the faces


Between pain and nothing

There is only this

An empty space in my heart

And I cease to exist


Drinking all night

Trying to erase all the pieces

Drinking all day

Never want to remember who I was

Oh, I feel shattered

Scattered into a thousand raindrops

Falling so far

I always wonder will it ever stop


Wanting to fade

At the bottom of amber is this

All empty space in my mind

And I cease to exist


Facades of Untruth

Facades of Untruth

“Let us say what we feel, and feel what we say let speech harmonize with life.”-Lucius Annaeus Seneca 

I have always believed in speaking my mind, regardless. I prefer to tell the ones I care about exactly what is on my mind and I know my bluntness can get a little trying at times. Yes, I am a blunt person. Yes, I have hurt people’s feelings. Yes, sometimes I should hold my tongue. However, at the end of the day, I have found that by telling people exactly what I think, I have found much more clarity in my relationships. I have also found that those that can’t take the truth of what I feel have a tendency to walk away and never come back. Those that have walked away were not meant to be a part of my life so it is far better that they know who I am up front and walk away if they can’t handle the truth. Too often we humans hide behind masks, facades of untruth. Where is the happiness in a relationship that is based on falsehood?