Empty (Cease to Exist) by Jaz

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Empty (Cease to Exist) by Jaz

Scientists announced that they have located the gene for alcoholism. Scientists say they found it at a party, talking way too loudly.

CONAN O’BRIEN

Yesterday, while watching the movie “Helen” starring Ashley Judd I wrote the lyrics to a song. The movie deals with deep depression and suicide, not alcoholism,  but it helped me get my thoughts down on paper about how I have felt dealing with my alcoholism. I am sober now but I know that I will always be an alcoholic. It has been most difficult for me to express why I have drank in the past and to such great extents. This is my first true expression of the depths of my lost soul to alcohol.

Empty (Cease to Exist) by Jaz

I’m poison fruit

If  you only knew how far I’ve fallen

Maybe you’d understand

The depths of despair in my wall and

I feel so alone

Even in the most crowded of places

Storms in my heart

But I just can’t see all the faces

 

Between pain and nothing

There is only this

An empty space in my heart

And I cease to exist

 

Drinking all night

Trying to erase all the pieces

Drinking all day

Never want to remember who I was

Oh, I feel shattered

Scattered into a thousand raindrops

Falling so far

I always wonder will it ever stop

 

Wanting to fade

At the bottom of amber is this

All empty space in my mind

And I cease to exist

 

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11 responses »

  1. Pingback: A New Day and A New Way « catseyesk

  2. Quite insightful publish. Never thought that it was this simple after all. I had spent a excellent deal of my time looking for someone to explain this subject clearly and you’re the only one that ever did that. Kudos to you! Keep it up

  3. I consider myself a recovering alcoholic although AA doesn’t agree with me. I went about five years alcohol-free, but now I drink, responsibly. I limit myself to no more than two drinks in any 24-hour period. I know what happens if I were to have that third, and I’m capable of counting to two. I’ve been successful for 27 years this way.

    • Wow Russel, you are so much stronger than me. AA doesn’t agree with me either other than for the obvious reason that I am Buddhist, but people on their high horses make me feel nauseated…congrats Peace Jaz

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