Mothers and Daughters

Mothers and Daughters

If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. 

Ok, so my therapist wants me to write a letter to my mom about all the resentments I have toward her. Damn man! Why? I am where I am in my thinking about my mother and I don’t understand why she wants me to dredge up past resentments that I have let go of. That is not the Buddhist way and I don’t like rolling that way. I think that a majority of women have resentments toward their mothers and no matter how good or evil their mothers are or were they are set up to fail no matter what they do. We daughters put a high level of expectation upon our mothers because that is the matriarch we look up to. It’s really not fair to them, if you think about. We take our mothers and place them upon this pedestal that I think not even the best of mothers can reach the pinnacle of and when they don’t reach our level of expectation we get angry and resentful. That’s not fair to them. They are human and fallible just like everyone, but I think we daughters look to our mothers as some sort of superhuman with no kryptonite and that’s our own fault. Sure, my mom was a self-involved creature and I know for a fact she never wanted children, but her moral beliefs would not allow her to “get rid” of us. She was more interested in partying and being free than being strapped to 3 children. Oh well, I can do nothing to change who she was then, I can’t change all the ways she let me down then, what I am capable of changing is the kaleidoscope I view our relationship through. I can chose to see all the colors as dark and bleak, or I can choose to see the color values that stand out the most, the positive colors and I can choose to forgive her and myself for not seeing all the pretty rainbow of colors sooner.

15 responses »

  1. Okay, I agree with you on this one, most traditional therapy is in-congruent with Buddhist or any other spiritual principle, there was probably a point in your spiritual development when writing a letter to your mom would have helped, but I’m betting you’re way past that point, you seem to have a much healthier perspective on your mom (all moms) and are taking a higher road in dealing with your feels and how to proceed forward with your feelings.

  2. Jaz, I am almost afraid to write what I feel because I don’t want you to track me down and b-slap the crap out of me but here goes. Are you certain “those” feelings are truly let go of if they inspire such emotion in you? I’m just asking. I think wallowing in the past has no useful purpose (Buddhist too, you may recall) and you’re better off working on the now. Possibly you should write a letter to your therapist and explain your resentments about her to her. Just a thought. Oh, I am so excited for you about your coming birthday!

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