Unplanned Pregnancy

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Unplanned Pregnancy

Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now. 

I have been avoiding writing this blog since the bomb got dropped. My daughter came home from a camping trip with her boyfriend’s family and informed me she was pregnant. I feel disappointed, but then that goes to my expectations that she was getting out of high school early and would have great plans for her future. Instead she moves in with me, meets this boy on Facebook and within a month of being with him she is pregnant. At first she wanted to abort, now the great plan is to carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption. I will support her decision, I may not like any of it, but I will support her. When my ex-husband and I separated we made the decision that Kira should stay with him because I was going to school, working and touring as a musician and my life was not conducive to raising a child. He, on the other hand, had a steady 9-5 job and had a stable home. This was all great, the bad thing about it was the time Kira and I spent apart, and then when he remarried the woman he brought into my daughter’s life did everything in her power to keep Kira and I further apart than ever, and she was a raging alcoholic to boot, worse than me I think.
Joe was over protective and Kira had no practical worldly experience at all. So, once Kira graduated and got her wings the first thing she did, within a few weeks of graduating, was to move in with me, meet a boy and get pregnant. She doesn’t see how much she has changed her life by stepping too quickly up to the plate of life and hitting a wild fly ball. She is staying with her boyfriend, but neither of them have any stability what-so-ever, no jobs, no car, no future and no plan. I am really in a quandary here. My mother and I have discussed it and Kira has a home here, but her boyfriend does not. I have made that perfectly clear. He needs to get his poop together and I am not going to support them both and neither is my mother. His dad got sick of them and booted them out, big loss there, his dad is living at a campground in an RV. The point is, they are running out of places to go and my daughter refuses to let this boy go and take care of her own self. The fact is I don’t really understand it, I don’t understand why she is doing this to herself. But, the fact remains that I love her, but I will not, under any circumstances get sucked into supporting her and her boyfriend, period! Maybe I am wrong, but that is how I feel.

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24 responses »

  1. Jaz, I couldn’t presume to advise you on all this. But I do believe that by starting with that quote from Mr. Rogers- a man whose work I honestly and deeply admire- you do have a strong sense of what love means and do know that acceptance is a powerful thing. You can only be strong, open, and ready for what comes.

    I’m sending strong thoughts your way- and your daughter’s.

    Tom

  2. Gosh Jaz… such a hard one. I am sorry you are faced with having to make these calls … You obviously love your daughter unconditionally, and want to offer her support and a safe haven, but also don’t want to enable her to make bad choices. I will keep you and your family in my heart as you navigate this challenge… Peace and Love to you ~ R

  3. It is uncanny how Life throws curves at us whenever we think we are getting things all figured out. But things do work out, even when we can’t initially see the way sometimes. Thinking of you and your family and sending you strength Jaz, with hugs and prayers. ~ Lily

  4. This is such a difficult situation. I got pregnant at an early age (15), and although I didn’t see it at the time, it was the tough love of my parents as well as the pregnancy itself that turned things around for me eventually. Now that I’m a mother and a grandmother, I better appreciate what it took for my parents to help out while still making me help myself. (I know I’m new here so if I’ve overstepped a bit, I apologize.)

    Wishing you and your family all the best.

  5. You are not wrong. You don’t support alcoholism, you enable it. Be strong. Sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind.

  6. This is such a tough one to respond to Jaz and yet I want to if only to let you know you have my support. Not that I can do much except to say; your emotions will go through a few loops before they reach a balance…. I can only suggest that you let it happen, Jaz… and know that it is normal to feel everything from disappointment to anger to fear to just about anything…. Lots ‘o Love Girl, and all the best to Kira and all who will be involved…. xoxoxo

  7. Even as I am going through a somewhat similar experience, I am reluctant to say anything other than what has already been said. Do your best. Be your best. Take care of yourself, then others to the extent you are able and no more than that. It’s a rough and rocky road ahead, no doubt. Blessings to you. :>

  8. I remember when our daughter was 14, she told me that she was pregnant and I had to relay that info to my wife.. I was always more easy going than the wife..

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