Bye Bye Bad Friendships!

Bye Bye Bad Friendships!

Friends are like roses…you have to look out for the pricks!~ Anonymous. 

Even before I finally became sober I was slowly eliminating “bad” friends out of my life. It was a long process, sometimes they just didn’t want to let go, but in order for me to maintain my sobriety I had to let them go. The first ones to go were the ones that enabled my drinking the most with their own drinking habits, these were actually the easiest. The ones that were closest to me were the hardest to let go of because they are the ones that hurt me the worse. One “friend”, the one I thought that loved me most betrayed me in such a way that I will never be able to forgive them. This person had gotten sober and found “god” but they didn’t eliminate some of their worse traits and I inadvertently found out that this person was never really a true friend in the first place because they went after something very close to my heart and tried to take it for their own when I was going through a very rough patch in my life. This same person has been trying to get back into my life, but what they don’t realize is that once they betrayed me in that way there is no hope whatever that they will ever get back into my life ever again.

Then there is this “friend” that had helped me out through a very rough patch in my life. I thought that they were being a “friend”. It wasn’t until after I was quite a ways into my sobriety that it came to me that they weren’t really a friend at all. This person had kept enabling me in my drinking, even though I had been telling them for months that I wanted to quit, that I needed to quit, that my life depended on my quitting. I finally realized how caustic this person really was and is. I finally told them to stay away from me, not to call me, and I explained to them that every time I saw them it took me right back to that bad place I was in just a few short months ago and I needed them to stay away from me because the memories were far too painful. I told this person that if I saw them I would turn and walk the other way because just simply by their presence it reminded me of the pit of hell I was in and it was hurtful to my sobriety. 

Fortunately now I have a whole new group of friends that are loving and sober and working on the same goals that I am. They are supportive and have been with me since the first day I met them on our paths to sobriety. With friends like that who needs the trash of old enabling friendships sticking around with its stench and flies buzzing incessantly around.


7 responses »

  1. You have obviously overcome a lot and are surely proud of your strength. I’ve had my disappointments in life, and I’ll never forget one friend who wrote years later and stated, “Dear Lisa. I am sorry that I’ve not always been pretty.” Then she went on to say that she hoped I was happy and that she thinks about me almost every day.

    We do find out who our true friends are when we face hard times, and some step forward with wisdom and compassion that we’d never have guessed would become so dear to us.

    Slowly we grow, and in time we learn to leave it all in the past, complete with forgiveness. Without forgiveness, there is still a little ball of dysfunction buried deep inside of us. We are all better than that, and we can reach that point of letting it go. Our egos make us regress and hold on to those wounds.

    I am proud of you, your story, and I am still so happy to know new music because of your blog!!!!

    Thanks, Lisa/z

  2. wow, I think this is the first time I ever heard anybody come down against old friends for new friends, but it all makes sense 🙂 Glad you are cleaning house, and keep chugging forward Jaz.

  3. very good Jaz the write but especially having the strength to break away from old influences. It is unfortunate that “friends” sometimes hinder our journey to better ourselves, usually because they can feel superior to you when you are down and they are enabling. I am so happy for you and your wonderful progress you are doing a great thing for your self and all those that love you but mostly for yourself.

  4. I started eliminating bad friends when I came out of the closet in April 1993. Louise Hay, in her book “You Can Heal Your Life,” helped me realize what a drag on my own life those bad friends were. Kind of made it difficult for me to accept myself because I spent so much time trying to accept them.

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