Insecurities Suck LMAO….

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Marriage brings up all the things I pushed to the back burner – the fears, the mistrust, the doubts, the insecurities. It’s like opening Pandora’s box. Jennifer Aniston

Ok I am in a very talkative mood so lets run with it. Before I start this let me be CLEAR. I AM NOT fishing for compliments! I am simply stating how I feel on a regular basis OK so don’t send me back a bunch of responses that say something to the effect of “No, you are great”, “You are beautiful” blah blah blah…I am just telling you straight out how I usually feel OK.

  1. I usually feel pretty unattractive on a daily basis
  2. Sitting in front of a band is intimidating and scares the crap out of me
  3. I realize that my head is too full of shit
  4. sometimes I speak out about things that upset me and I should just keep my mouth shut
  5. I feel how I feel about certain political and social issues and I should just learn to keep my mouth shut because I piss ppl off like Jobydopr, he’ll never speak to me again
  6. speaking your mind is not always a good thing
  7. It pisses me off that I can’t speak my mind without mortally wounding someone like Jobydopr
  8. I am insecure’
  9. I hate my voice
  10. I hurt ppl unintentionally because I have a really bad streak of being far too honest
  11. I am a mean person in spirit, hence the reason I am trying to be Buddhist and failing
  12. ppl have fucked me over so my mind set is if you’re gonna Fuck me, Fuck you back
  13. I hate my voice, did I say that. I hate the way I sing. The only reason I sing is because I started when I was 3 and I can’t seem to stop
  14. Did I mention that I hate the way I sing and I hate the sound of my own voice. The only reason I play music at all is because it was a great release emotionally from being abused as a kid
  15. I hate the sound of my own voice and being a writer is such a relief cuz I don’t have to listen to my own voice, which I said I hate BTW.
  16. Sometimes I wish I would have chosen a different path, like being an accountant or some shit. It sux being a musician. You are always different, no matter how much you try to meld, YOU never do.
  17. I hate myself, that’s a big one. Yes I hate my life and I hate me. That’s the big one! I hate being a musicians, whyt couldn;t I have just been a fat woman knitting sweaters?????
  18. Being a musician, a true musician sux ass
  19. I hate the fact that I am never good enough
  20. I hate me!

With that I leave you with about how I feel most of the time 

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20 responses »

  1. Yes well…
    I knit sweaters. And I sing, And I play the piano.
    But never in front of others.
    one thing you should always keep in mind – no matter how you feel about your voice and your life tonight – tomorrow the sun will shine again.
    You have the courage to get up in front of people and do what you like best.
    so yeah, being a different, arty, emotional musician may suck sometimes – but I doubt it sucks all the time!!

  2. Sounds Like A Sunday Afternoon To Me, Ms. Jaz.
    Not My Thinking These Things About You, But Because I Think A Lot Of Them Myself.
    The Most Important Being #20.
    “I HATE ME!” I’ve Hated Me Since I Was 5yo, When I First Attempted Suicide. Everyone Said It Was Just Me Seeking Attention. But I Was Getting Plenty Of Attention Anyway For Fighting In School (which started for me in… …oh yeah, 1985, when I was… oh yeah, 5yo).
    My Life Has Been An Endless Stream Of Self-Hatred.
    So I Can At Least Empathize With You, Ms. Jaz.
    Life Is Hard.
    Living Life With A Personal Hatred Of Oneself Is So Much Harder.

    Love Ya, Dear.
    -B.

  3. Oh crap, Jaz…..!
    Do you mean to say that you are just like everyone else…! Crap, crap, crap my lovely…!
    Except; you actually ‘do stuff’…. Yeah, you put yourself ‘out there’ in front of people and ‘do stuff’…
    Crap; most of the world would love to have the courage you have…!
    (I love you)….

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