Epiphany

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I always liked those moments of epiphany, when you have the next destination. Brad Pitt

OMG, sudden flash of light! I just realized the biggest part of my problem. I have been comparing myself to everyone else and forgot just to be ME. Yes, scraping my house and getting to the core of the problems with my house is causing an Occam’s Razor, the answer is usually the obvious. I have been staring at myself for so long and comparing myself to everyone else for so long, thinking they were better, without realizing they were just different. I am who I am and I need to stop basing my life on comparisons with other people. That will never get me any where. I finally realized that it’s like standing on a treadmill expecting to go somewhere, when in reality you are stagnating. Holy Crap! Why did it take me so long to figure that out. I think I can sleep now before I have to go play….WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee:)

11 responses »

  1. Pingback: Most Influential Blogger Award | Ajaytao 2010

  2. Hey Jaz, self-betterment is a noble goal, but you’re right, using others as yardstick to chart your progress in this regard is to falsify the results. The key word is SELF. In the music world, particularly, this demon rears its head. In the last year, I’ve taken the role of lead singer in a cult Danish Metal band, reformed on the back of a high quality re-release of their celebrated debut album. The original singer-who was phenomenal on that album-declined to participate in the reformation(but gave it his blessing) And I stepped into his shoes, once more thrown into a situation(it’s happened before!) where I felt I was measured against the achievements of someone else.- but life has taught me that, if I was going to be any use in this gig, I was going to have to do it on my terms, and I set out to do the very best I could. I’m not like the original singer. I’m different. But by letting go of that ‘yardstick’, I was able to record a new album that I feel is the best thing I’ve ever done. I actually don’t care if it’s better or worse than anybody else. It’s me, at the very best I can be. And that should be good enough for anybody. Just from reading your posts, you’ve come a long way in the last year or so, and I guess you’re in a better place now than you were and that’s worth celebrating.

    • Kev, I actually feel like I’m in a worse place than I was last year. I don’t know how to explain this but the more I get in the publoc eye, the more I am shutting down personally. I am regressing more and more by the day. do you know the song “Shimmer” by Fuel? That’s how I feel

      • Oh Jaz, I’m so sorry to hear that. Yes, I do know the song…I suppose the key is not to ‘break at the bend’, but be more like bamboo. Consider these words:

        “….watch the bamboo trees bend under pressure from the wind and watch them return gracefully to their upright or original position after the wind had died down.

        When I think about the bamboo tree’s ability to bounce back or return to its original position, the word resilience comes to mind. When used in reference to a person this word means the ability to readily recover from shock, depression, or any other situation that stretches the limits of a person’s emotions….”

        Sometimes being out in the public eye feels like stripping yourself raw, and it hurts. But beneath that hurt, I’m sure you’re getting stronger – you just need to tap into it. You take care.

      • Thank you Kev. I’m sure you don’t want to get into a debate here, and I’m sure there is some sort of knowledge you want to impart with to me. I just know that I am in a very strange place with music and my career. Sometimes I wish I never would have chosen music, or it wouldn’t have chose me cuz it’s a cruel bastard. Thank you for sharing, right now I am not bamboo, right now I am the crumbling dirt under it🙂

      • Yes, it IS a cruel bastard. -and it never stops teaching us that lesson. I did a show near where I live a few weeks back, with a drummer friend who’d visited from the UK, and a local Spanish guitarist friend. He brought along a guy to do the gear for us. To cut a long story short, the ‘roadie’ ended up getting 30 euros, and me and my drummer mate got 30 between us. The roadie got more than I did! I play with a band that has had a worldwide number one, I have played in huge venues the world over, and still it’s possible to get treated like a piece of crap. It hurt a lot, and I won’t be leaving the house for that kind of thing again, so lesson learned, but it knocked me back on my heels for a while. Anyway, you don’t wanna hear my ramblings! Just know you’ve got a mate over this side of the pond!

      • I just wish I knew why it has to hurt so fn bad. It breaks my heart over and over again. Can I be the frog in your pond?

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