Daily Archives: April 30, 2013

I Really Have To Stop…..

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We gain strength, and courage, and confidence by each experience in which we really stop to look fear in the face… we must do that which we think we cannot. Eleanor Roosevelt

I really have to stop being such a bitch. I don’t know how to stop being such a shithead. I told my husband to go F himself and I really didn’t want to I just can’t seem to stop myself. When everything is messed up I have a tendancy to pick on ppl that r close to me. I suck ass………..

 

I’m Really Not Ok…

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The darkest places in hell are reserved for those who maintain their neutrality in times of moral crisis. Dante Alighieri

I am in a crisis and I don’t think I realize it yet. I know I’m falling apart, I see little bits and pieces of me lying around and don’t quite know how to pick them up and put them back into place. Here a piece, there a piece, everywhere a piece piece. I talk to people everyday and act like everything is ok but it’s not. I am in pain and there aren’t enough showers to wash everything away. There is a huge part of me that wants to be left alone…………..and yet, and yet…I’m a suffocating flower, suffocating under Mom’s thumb, Michael’s thumb. Everyone wants a piece of me, when do I get a piece of myself????

Ding Dong…….

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Ding Dong…….

Stone walls confine a tinker; cold iron binds a witch; but a musician’s music can never be fettered, for it lives first in her heart and mind. Charles de Lint

Yes my friends, it has finally happened! I have lost my mind. I’m not entirely sure where it went, but if you see a gray mound of jelly wandering around could you give it back please. It doesn’t have any ID. It doesn’t know exactly where it’s supposed to be, it’s only lost gray matter wandering aimlessly. If you happen to find my mind please ring the doorbell and run, as fast as you can, because as soon as my mind comes back I have no idea what’s going to happen. Ever since Gracie died I have not been myself, you know that saying you never know what you have until it’s gone. Well, believe me it stands true. I have only been functioning on about 1 piston since she left. I can’t focus on much, although I try. I miss her so much and just knowing she is gone makes life that much less brighter…Sorry, I don’t mean to ruminate. I just feel so much more alone than I did a week ago.

With that I leave you with Dokken…..