Category Archives: death

The Return of the Cosmic Boomerang Guitar!

Standard
The Return of the Cosmic Boomerang Guitar!

A boomerang is a thrown tool, typically constructed as a flat aerofoil, that is designed to spin about an axis perpendicular to the direction of its flight. A returning boomerang is designed to circle back to the thrower. Wikipedia

You are never going to believe this! I can hardly believe it myself. In order to share this story with you I have to take you back in time…

In 2002 a friend of mine, Victor, was diagnosed with cancer. This was the year that I had my CD release part of “Sublime Evolution”. A bunch of us musicians decided to hold a benefit at his place of business, The Rockin’ Rooster, where we all got together for jam sessions on Sunday afternoons. I had nothing to give so I decided to donate my guitar up for auction. The same guitar that is in this photo on the album and the one I used in recording “Sublime Evolution”

The guitar went up for auction and was sold for $100. I thought that was the end of that. It wasn’t…. My husband has been filling in with this new band, “Down River”, and the bass player, Dave, has had a guitar he wanted my husband to look at for me because it had my name on it. I really didn’t think too much about it. I told Michael yesterday to go ahead and bring it home and let me look it. Here it is!

Sure enough it is my old guitar, back from it’s 1o year journey to who knows where. Now, if you look at the picture above you will see that it only has 1 Z, which is how I spell my name. I added the extra Z before the auction so that it wouldn’t have my name on it. Yes I am the one who put the image of the dancing guy on the guitar in the first place. Unfortunately Victor didn’t survive the awful battle with cancer but I have decided to buy back my old guitar from Dave. It holds a lot of very fond memories for me and I only wish it could talk to tell me where it has been! On that note here is “Journey” off of my album “Sublime Evolution” from 2002 recorded in the studio with this very guitar! Truly, what are the odds?

Last Dance of Summer

Standard
Last Dance of Summer

But I like to know that someone is stronger than I am. I want to be able to know that if I get tired, somebody is there to hold up the fort. I like knowing that I can’t pick a refrigerator alone. God did not make me strong enough to do that. Donna Summer

When I was reading the other day that Donna Summer had passed I was touched with a deep feeling of nostalgia and sadness. Nostalgia because my memories of Donna Summer are touched by some of my happiest childhood memories. I think it was around 1981 or 1982. We had moved to this great new house in the upper end of town and my mother had become best friends with Gloria, the woman who lived across the street from us. She had several children, including a girl my age named Lori. My mom and Gloria had a ritual of going out on a Friday or Saturday night every weekend. I would always end up over at Lori’s house. We would do what all little girls do, dream. We would take out her mom’s Donna Summer records and dream of the day when we would be old enough to actually go to a disco. Her mother had this great collection of disco clothes. The tight spandex type of pants that were oh so shiny. She had the spangled tops and some very cool disco dresses. We would raid her closet and change into disco outfits and put Donna Summer on and dance the night away, just singing and dancing until we dropped and then we would dream dreams of being Donna Summer. I remember thinking to myself back then that I thought that she was one of the most beautiful black women I had ever seen, in fact one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. It was with a deep sadness that I read that she had passed because another chapter of my childhood had closed. Peace be with you Donna, wherever you are, and thank you for some of the best memories of my childhood.

Time!

Standard
Time!

Tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain. You are young and life is long and there is time to kill today

And then one day you find ten years have got behind you. No one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun. Pink Floyd

I have been doing some reminiscing the past week and have come to realize a few things. Why is it that men age so much more gracefully than women? Just past 42 and I see the lines in my face of time, the scars in my face of the past and I still see a pretty face, just a different one. I find that I use more makeup now than I ever have in my life except when going out for a special night. Trying my best to disguise the lines, trying to cover the scars. I have also been reminiscing about the time I used to spend reading. When I was a little girl one of my favorite things to do was to curl up with a book and read for hours and hours. I would take whatever book I was currently reading into the bath with me and read. Many of my books had curled pages from the steam of the bath. I used to read anywhere from 2-3 books a week, now I find that I can barely get in 1-2 books a year. I think a lot of this is due to the fact that I am reading on a Kindle now instead of holding the real book in my hands. Somehow, holding a book in your hands, feeling the pages turn beneath your fingers, all of the things about reading from a book are so personal. Now, with my Kindle, it feels cold and impersonal and I almost wish I had my real books back. Kind of like I wish I had my other face back. Ah, but for the movement of time. We  all wish we could have more and yet I have realized there isn’t anymore. What I am allotted is what I have and I need to take full advantage of it. Yes, my face is going to change. Yes, my body is going to falter, but hell that’s life. I’m just having trouble adjusting to my “new” older face,  just as I am having trouble adjusting to a book without pages. Guess I’ll just have to deal with it and learn to adjust. Sure wish I had that mirror that the evil step-mother had…..Just kidding!

Bucket List Aspirations

Standard
Bucket List Aspirations

Most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them. – Henry David Thoreau

I have been meaning to write down my bucket list  for years and I figure there is no better time than the present. I have no intentions of dying anytime soon, however it would be very cool if I at least had a list of the things I want to accomplish before I die. The thing is, if I don’t get it written down I may never even attempt some of the things that I have mentally been promising myself I would do. I don’t know what the next life is going to bring, but I sure know that for this life, before I exhale my last breath, I want to know, in my mind’s eye, that I have accomplished something in this one. and what better day to start it than on April Fool’s Day…=). I guess if I don’t accomplish everything I can always say I was only kidding! So here goes:

1. To go to New Orleans for Mardi Gras for my Birthday

2. To visit the home of my family, Cowbridge, Glamorganshire, Wales

3. To see “The Phantom of the Opera” live at least once

4. To learn how to can vegetables in a pressure cooker (this is a good year to do this because I am going to have a large garden)

5. To read all the plays by Shakespeare at least once ( working on it)

6. To go to Key West Florida while I am still in good enough shape to enjoy it

7. To go to Tibet

8. To quit smoking ( big time! This could end my bucket list =))

9. Own my own restaurant

10. Write one book

I think 10 on my list is a good starting point. I’ll leave it at that for now.

I’m Always By Your Side

Standard
I’m Always By Your Side

“If I can see pain in your eyes then share with me your tears. If I can see joy in your eyes then share with me your smile.” ― Santosh Kalwar

My best friend just lost his older brother and I feel so much for him. I wanted to go down to Pocatello just to be there and support him but circumstances at home prevailed. I just hope he knows that I am always here for him. That’s what best friends do, support each other through the tears and pain and laugh with them in the times of joy. Boo and I have shared some of the happiest times together and some of the saddest. We have had so many nights just sitting and talking through the years. I cherish and value his friendship and I understand his pain. Boo, just know I am thinking about you!

Honesty Sux Huh?!

Standard
Honesty Sux Huh?!

“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe

Sometimes being completely honest is entirely too hard for other people to take. I believe they want lies, it’s easier to soak in because that is what they are used to. When you are blatantly honest they don’t know what to think or feel. If you don’t like the truth then stay out of my playground. I will never cease to tell you the truth regardless of what you may think you want to hear. I am not here to coddle you or change your diapers. Poop is ugly, no matter how you look at it! Many times people expect you to eat shit politely with a knife and fork, screw that!

I am Too Blind to See

Standard
I am Too Blind to See

They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say ‘Shit, it’s raining!’

Ok, WTF. I went to the store last night and here comes that damn murder of crows. What is the deal?! Just when I think I finally am at peace things just get tossed. I feel like someone is trying to pull me into a twisted knot like a pretzel. I just wrote, not so long ago, about the “Omen of Crows”. I don’t seem to be able to escape those black bastards. I really wish they would stop following me. They seemed to be travelling the same direction I was travelling as if to tell me, “Stop! Don’t go that way!” Maybe I put to much cadence in nature but I can’t help myself because I believe nature has it’s own way of resolving issues, selective evolution and all that crap. I love Buddha, very much, but he really has to stop sending me messages. Nature has it’s own way of speaking to us and if we listen very carefully we can hear every subtle message it sends, although at times too painful to hear, so we choose to ignore what is blatantly in front of us. Maybe I am being so blind that I just refuse to hear or see what is right in front of me biting me right on the nose.

Omen of the Crows

Standard
Omen of the Crows

A building gets torched. All that is left is ashes. I used to think that was true about everything: families. Friends. Feelings. But now I know that, sometimes, if love proves real, two people who are meant to be together — nothing can keep them apart.- Sarah from “The Crow

Last night I saw two huge trees just absolutely full of crows. I am not a superstitious person by nature but I couldn’t help getting a shiver down my spine and I couldn’t stop staring at them. I wondered, with foreboding, what ominous bit of news they may bring with them on their raven tipped pinions.  I have been having difficulty with a relationship for quite some time and I couldn’t help but wonder if this murder of crows was portending some truth that is only obvious to them. They say that when a person dies the crow carries the soul to the realm of the dead. I tend to believe that this can be looked at in different facets. In our lifetimes we have many deaths, many rebirths, and maybe the crows were simply trying to show me that it was the end, or death,  of one unhappy part of my life and the beginning of a new one. I like to believe that this is a good omen, of something bad passing away, of the crows carrying the soul of this bad thing away from me.   

It’s My Life

Standard
It’s My Life

 The fence around a cemetery is foolish, for those inside can’t get out and those outside don’t want to get in.   Brisbane, Arthur

I am having claustrophobia today! It’s going to be my 42nd Birthday on Sunday and I’m sitting here postulating death! What a maudlin person am I to sit contemplating 50 when I haven’t yet begun to live. I realize of course I am just being foolish and on that note I think I will go out and have some fun!  

Flight of the Thief

Standard
Flight of the Thief

Dave Edison – “I’m desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.”

I have been trying to figure out why I have felt so down for the last couple of days and then it dawned on me that I always get sad around this time of year. It was a few days before my birthday 23 years ago that my brother passed away. I always get a little sad and I still miss him. One would think that after all this time I would forget or the pain would somehow be less, but I don’t and it isn’t. My brother, for all his unhappiness and sorrow, for all the reasons he chose to leave this life that I will never fully understand, for all his anger and raging at the night, for all of this he was still one of the most intelligent and brightest beings I have ever had the honor to know in this life. I hope one day in our next life or the next I am honored by his presence once again. Even though he chose to leave this life he taught me so much about the value of love and how deeply it can wound. He taught me to value the love I have of those close to me and to cherish every moment of everyday as if it were your last. He taught me the value of life, even in his chosen path of death, it was a lesson I valued and took to heart. I love you Michael Todd and yes, my darling brother, you are still in my thoughts and you still come to me in my dreams.

DO NOT GO GENTLE INTO
THAT GOOD NIGHT-Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rage at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.