Category Archives: evil

Defeated????

Standard
Defeated????

Defeat is not the worst of failures. Not to have tried is the true failure. George Edward Woodberry

I have not been writing so much since last week because I really hate writing when I am down. However, it’s a week later and I am lower than before. I know that some of you caught my blogs about being attacked on CL, which I deleted BTW because I wrote in anger, and I hate it when I do that. I may have been able to delete the blogs but I can’t as easily delete the hurt and pain I am still feeling. I am also still utterly beyond understanding why some anonymous person would take to attack me on a public venue. I know what you are going to say. People are mean, people are jealous, people do things like this to make themselves feel bigger, etc. You can tell me that all day long, you can also tell me not to let it get to me. It still hurts. They attacked me right where it hurts, my music. On top of everything else we are still struggling with bass player issues. Every time I think I’ve got it figured out and we have everything on line, I am wrong. So, the band may never get going like we should, and a bass player is the only thing holding us back.  So, unfortunately, I am sad and my heart is still breaking. Am I defeated, I don’t know. I know I sure as hell feel like giving up. Sorry my post is so sad, but that’s all I have for right now. Thank you for listening.


Absolute Truth!

Standard
Absolute Truth!

Words are but symbols for the relations of things to one another and to us; nowhere do they touch upon absolute truthFriedrich Nietzsche

I finally saw the flaw in my humanity. I am weak, just like every other being. I saw my weakness as a frailty in my nature. Fortunately I saw through the glass for the weakness that glass is. Unfortunately the glass was broken.

I am Too Blind to See

Standard
I am Too Blind to See

They call this war a cloud over the land. But they made the weather and then they stand in the rain and say ‘Shit, it’s raining!’

Ok, WTF. I went to the store last night and here comes that damn murder of crows. What is the deal?! Just when I think I finally am at peace things just get tossed. I feel like someone is trying to pull me into a twisted knot like a pretzel. I just wrote, not so long ago, about the “Omen of Crows”. I don’t seem to be able to escape those black bastards. I really wish they would stop following me. They seemed to be travelling the same direction I was travelling as if to tell me, “Stop! Don’t go that way!” Maybe I put to much cadence in nature but I can’t help myself because I believe nature has it’s own way of resolving issues, selective evolution and all that crap. I love Buddha, very much, but he really has to stop sending me messages. Nature has it’s own way of speaking to us and if we listen very carefully we can hear every subtle message it sends, although at times too painful to hear, so we choose to ignore what is blatantly in front of us. Maybe I am being so blind that I just refuse to hear or see what is right in front of me biting me right on the nose.

Choices and the Voice of Reason

Standard
Choices and the Voice of Reason

“We must never forget that it is through our actions, words, and thoughts that we have a choice.” –Sogyal Rinpoche

Sometimes I forget this most simple truth in life. Somewhere along the line I forgot that I had a choice to change things, to make things infinitely better rather than worse. It was by my own hand that I nearly cut my own throat, it was by my own words and actions that I nearly made an error in judgement, a judgement that could have cost me dearly. I must always remember that it is no one else’s fault that I have done the things that I have done in my past. There in lies the key to salvation of my moral ground, the past is the past. I must live for today, live in this moment and by my actions, words and thoughts I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, “Yes, I am following the right path. Yes, I am using right thinking. Yes, I am being true to myself.” I have no desire to live a life suffering in mortification of the things I have done or may have been considering. For today I enter the water and wash myself clean. Today my decisions will remain clear and rational and not based on some flighty emotions or desires that may lead me on a path to destructive behavior.Today I will be true to myself!

 
Don’t look back, a new day is breakin 
It’s been too long since I felt this way 
I don’t mind where I get taken 
The road is callin, today is the day I can see, it took so long just to realize 
I’m much too strong not to compromise 
Now I see what I am is holding me down 
I’ll turn it around I finally see the dawn arrivin 
I see beyond the road I’m drivin 

It’s a bright horizon and I’m awaken 
I see myself in a brand new way 
The sun is shinin, the clouds are breakin 
Cause I can’t lose now, there’s no game to play 

I can tell there’s no more time left to criticize 
[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/boston-lyrics/don_t-look-back-lyrics.html |]
I’ve seen what I could not recognize 
Everything in my life was leading me on, 
But I can be strong 

I finally see the dawn arrivin 
I see beyond the road I’m drivin 

Don’t look back, a new day is breakin 
It’s been so long since I felt this way 
I don’t mind where I get taken 
The road is callin, today is the day 

I can see, it took so long just to realize 
I’m much too strong not to compromise 
Now I see what I am is holding me down 
I’ll turn it around 

I finally see the dawn arrivin 
I see beyond the road I’m drivin