Category Archives: living life

Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

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Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. It’s nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I don’t want to talk.

Yesterday I was in a very strange place. I was with a group of people I absolutely love, but I just didn’t feel like being around them or anyone for that matter. I had made a loaf of zucchini bread that I had made for Jim, a friend of mine, and the only reason I went was to give it to him. Anyway…while I was standing there with J.D. talking and waiting to give the bread to Jim this young woman came up to me and without even knowing me or anything about me she says, “So, I hear your a rock star.” I didn’t even look at her, I just said “No, not really.”  and I continued my conversation with J.D. and basically ignored her. I don’t know why she irritates me or why her comment really irritated me, it just did. A couple of reasons come to mind:

  1. Whenever she talks in our meetings she is always taking everyone else’s inventory and pointing out what others are doing wrong.
  2. She has no right to take anyone’s inventory but her own . (No one should be taking anyone else’s inventory anyway.)
  3. I am only a musician and playing live in front of a crowd of people is just what I do for my livelihood. I am not a “rock star”, nor have I EVER considered myself to be one and the term just annoys the piss out of me. I can’t explain why.
  4. She doesn’t even know me and instead of introducing herself to me like a “normal” person, these are the first words out of her mouth to me. It struck me as derogatory in the manner in which she said it and, as I have said, slightly annoying.

The fact of the matter is that I can be a real bitch, especially if you don’t know me and I am very blunt, which can rub people the wrong way. However; on the other side of the coin I am genuine and a very loving person. It just takes a little to get to know me and certainly walking up to me and making a derogatory comment is not the best way to start out on the “right” foot with me. I called my friend Kym this morning to find out for sure if it was just me having a bad day or if this young woman is just an obnoxious and irritating person. She let me in on the fact that apparently this girl rubs everyone the wrong way. So, any guilt I may have felt about choosing to ignore her and her asinine comment is gone, unfortunately I doubt if this girl and I will ever be friends anytime soon because once you start out with me on the wrong foot the odds of getting on the right foot are probably nil.

 

No time

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No time

Dost thou love life, then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of. * Benjamin Franklin

This last week I have had no time at all to spend with my wonderful friends here at WP, I have had no time for music, no time for my artwork, no time for writing in my journal, no time at all. The reason for this lack of time is because I have been working the Idaho State Fair. It is but one brief week out of my life and I am loving it, making very good money, meeting some interesting people along the way and having a lot of fun. I miss not having the time to work on some very important other things in my life, but once this week is over it’s back to business as usual. With some of the money I made I bought myself a couple of beautiful new sun dresses. The thing I am missing the most is time with my husband. I haven’t had time to cook dinner or eat dinner with him, which is time that has always been ear marked as time set aside each day that we spend together. I know, just a couple of weeks ago I was saying that I was glad he was back to work, that we needed some time away from each other because we were together 24/7. Now I am at the other end of the spectrum of absolutely zero time together. You know what they say, be careful what you wish for and all that. It’s a good week, but I will be really glad when this week is over and I can get back to normal, whatever “normal” is. 

 

Happy Birthday 2 Me!

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Happy Birthday 2 Me!

Yeah, I know I drink a lot, I know I do because I’m a writer and that’s what I do, I drink. I’m not like those people out there, I can control myself! I can, if – that – if I wanted to, I could, if I wanted. I can! I can!~Gwen Cummings, “28 Days

I had almost, not quite, but almost forgotten that it was my 60 days. 2 months, sobriety birthday yresterday. I almost forgot because I have been too busy being sober. I know that may sound crazy, but it’s really not. What is crazy is the amount of years, months, days, minutes and seconds I wasted of my life drinking into a dark hole. I can’t believe how busy my life has become since I put the bottle away for good. My music has taken a precedence in my life, I’m accomplishing more than I ever could have believed was possible. One night of my life a week is dedicated to “sober” night. It’s an open jam that I host on Tuesday nights at a coffee house and we get a huge turn out from my friends in AA and it gets bigger and better every week. We are getting more bookings than ever and now, by the grace of my sobriety we are booked to play at “John Doe’s” for a two hour acoustic gig in mid September. After that we have the Indian Creek Festival. I also have the distinct honor of representing my family and our Welsh heritage at the Scottish festival, where all the Celtic nations are represented. My grandparents would be so incredibly proud. I owe all of this to my persistence in remaining sober, the love and support of my beautiful husband and my wonderful family. Thank goodness I am a stubborn person. The very quality that makes me an obstinate person is also the same quality that saved my life. For that I am grateful! 

 

 

The Open Jam

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The Open Jam

“When things go wrong, you’ll find they usually go on getting worse for some time; but when things once start going right they often go on getting better and better.” C.S. Lewis

We had our usual Tuesday night jam last night and it was by far the best since we have started doing this. We are fortunate to have a family that opened a great little eclectic coffee shop called “The Bird Stop” in our town and he is so supportive of the local music scene and local musicians. We had a great turn out of people that just came to listen and many who came to play. All of the musicians are “floating”, in other words they are bands that are almost formed, just missing a player or two. I had a couple of girls get up on stage with me, girls that were afraid and had never been on stage before and both did a great job. Kym got up and played “Unchain My Heart” on the harp and Rachel got up and sang “Dreams” with me. It takes a lot to get up on stage if your not used to it, hell it takes a lot even if you are used to it. The crowd was warm and receptive and they all know this is a jam, so things go wrong and the music isn’t perfectly tight, nevertheless, they show their appreciation with their hearts and love. What more could a musician ask for?

Do What You Say You’re Going To Do!

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Do What You Say You’re Going To Do!

 If what you say is based on what people want to hear, rather than what you intend to actually do, sooner or later you’ll find yourself in the difficult position of having to break your word.

Why do people tell others that they are going to do something and then not do it? And then….then they wait until the last moment to tell them that they are backing out. This is something I will never understand. If I have a gig to do and I know that I can’t do it I let people know at least a week in advance or at the soonest possible moment, it doesn’t matter whether the gig is paying or not, the importance lies in the fact that I have people relying on me and if I chose not to be there and don’t let them know until the last possible moment it puts them in a bind to find someone to replace me. It’s not fair to the people relying on me to be there and do my part because every person is a link in the chain of whether something is going to work or not and when I let them down I am breaking the chain of whether a gig is going to be successful or not. With music there aren’t 100 other singers that can just step in and take my place, or bass players, or guitar player, etc…You get the picture. If you can’t do something then don’t say you will…It’s that damn simple, there are no feeble excuses as to why you suddenly changed your mind after making a commitment. Here’s the thing, if you do things like this chances are the people that were relying on you in the first place are going to lose all trust in you and there probably won’t be an offer for a “next” time. You just blew any potential there might have been of something good. Say what you mean and mean what you say!

My Week in Pictures

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My Week in Pictures

What an amazing week this has been! As some of you may know this is the week we celebrated our wedding anniversary. Yesterday we all got together at Memorial Park and had a sausage dog roast with all the kitchen sink fixings. We got a couple of really great cards! 

Michael is so very sweet and loving, He got me this card and these beautiful roses for our anniversary:

We were fortunate enough to have a great bunch of people join us for our celebration:

I got some really great and unexpected gifts! I got this new/used camera that took all these wonderful pictures, and I got my old guitar back, the story of the Cosmic Boomerang Guitar explains it all.

All in all it has been a wonderful week to say the least!

Tis the Day!

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Tis the Day!

“Knowing you will be with me in all my tomorrows, makes my today so wonderful.”

Today is the day! It is our 8 year wedding anniversary and all the preparations are made. I spent the day yesterday slicing and dicing, cooking and cleaning. I so want everything to be perfect, just for today. We are having a sausage dog roast at the park near our house and spending it with the people near and dear to us, many of whom we just met in the recent months of our journey to sobriety. I love these people because of the unconditional love and joy they share in their own sobriety that helps me and mine stay sober day by day. That, in and of itself, makes today a very special day. Among other things Michael has achieved 15 months of sobriety and Thursday I will have achieved 2 months of sobriety! So, there is a lot to be celebrated and enjoyed! Yesterday Michael brought me roses of my favorite color for roses, yellow. He always manages to find these roses that are unique, they have reddish pink tips and are so beautiful and smell simply delicious. What a wonderful day this is going to be, what a gift to be sober and with the person I love most in this world!

Bubble Bath Time!

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Bubble Bath Time!

We start to realize that there are anodynes in life that help us through the day. I don’t care if it’s a walk in the park, a look out the window, a goodbubble bath – whatever. Even a meal you like, or a friend you want to call. That helps us solve all this stuff in our head.Al Pacino (April 25, 1940 – )

I feel a bubble bath coming on, that’s right. I love bubble baths. When I was a kid I would crawl into a bubble bath and all my child’s worries and cares would sink into the water and disappear just like the bubbles in my bath, slowly dissipating. In that few moments, floating in the bath with the bubbles I am free, care-free and unconcerned about anything. It is my meditation and my release. As an adult I rarely take the time for a leisurely bubble bath anymore, but today, today is a bubble bath day. My favorite bubble bath aroma is cucumber melon and I am going to soak in the aromas and light the candles and just gel for about 20 minutes. Please don’t knock at my door or call on my phone, I am in Do Not Disturb mode. Leave a message at the beep!

Do Not Enter!!!

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Do Not Enter!!!

If I’d observed all the rules, I’d never have got anywhere. Marilyn Monroe

I have been religiously going for my bike rides everyday, 7.5 miles. I ride 7 days on and take one day off. Yesterday I had to miss my ride because I went with my mother to the doctor. Well, to my disappointed surprise, my bike trail was blocked this morning at both ends. The trail I take constitutes about 2/3’s of my ride. It used to be that I would not allow a “path closed” sign to deter me from anything. I pretty much did whatever I wanted without regards to the consequences. Ah, but for sobriety I would probably still be riding that dangerous path. “So, what did you do?” I’m glad you asked. I went a different route. I doubled up on the other part of my green belt ride, the part that was, of course, not blocked. I got finished early because it is not as long a route as the other way, but for a day or two that is ok. However, since achieving sobriety I rely on a set schedule and I don’t like disruptions. It throws me. My day is filled from the moment I rise until the moment my head hits the pillow. It’s all good though, the path will open again shortly and things will go back to norm, for now I will adjust. 

Letting Yourself Down

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Letting Yourself Down

Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. 

I can’t help but feel disappointed about our gig last night. Our bass player threw out his back and couldn’t make it so we had to run the entire night without bass. Things felt like a train wreck and I probably gave up too soon. We didn’t do the best we could, the drummer did, he was a really good sport about the whole thing. We were all hot and tired and I felt completely lost when I realized that the bass player wasn’t going to show. I got caught off guard and was basically just throwing songs out there to keep things going. I was disorganized and I really should have been prepared better for exactly what happened. In life, I think, we get this picture of how things are supposed to be and when they don’t meet our expectations it throws a curve ball at us and suddenly we realize we left our mitt at home. Well I left my mitt at home last night and apparently my brain as well. Next time I will know better. I know that I am being entirely too hard on myself, I do that a lot. You know what they say, we are our own worst critics. The sad thing about it is I didn’t woman up and make the situation great, I just sort of folded into myself in disappointment, that was by far my biggest mistake. 

Marital Space

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Marital Space

“The night is mine, my own time, to do with it as I will, as long as I am quiet. As long as I don’t move. As long as I lie still. The difference between lie and lay. Lay is always passive.” ― Margaret AtwoodThe Handmaid’s Tale

We all need space, space of our own, time of our own. It is fruitful for us to all have a little alone time. My husband has been laid off a little over a month now and I am ever so grateful that he finally returned to work today. Whenever he is home my whole schedule gets disrupted and I get 80% less done than I would were he not laid off. I am not really sure why that is but him being home everyday is a constant disruption to my rehearsal time, my house cleaning and a plethora of things. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband very much and he’s my BFF, but spending time together ever day and night. day in and night out gets very wearing after about a week. So, now I am back to my regularly scheduled program, YAY~

Sorry about the crazy Pantera video, but I like it LOL!

If You Could Feel What I feel Then You Would Know What I Feel

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If You Could Feel What I feel Then You Would Know What I Feel

I learned to be with myself rather than avoiding myself with limiting habits; I started to be aware of my feelings more, rather than numb them. Judith Wright

When you stop using mind altering substances, such as alcohol in my case, you are forced out of your little numb closet into the world of feelings. Suddenly you realize you are alive and you can feel. Those feelings can become overwhelming because when you begin to feel again every emotion begins to take on the proportions of a bright painting in the vivid neon colors that are so intense they hurt your eyes and you are powerless to turn away from the painting even though it burns your vision. Yesterday was just such a day for me. I went through my day just as surely as if I were a  zombie plodding along going down some strange path and going through the motions without knowing why I was doing that or where I was going. I wasn’t numb, in fact I was far from it, I was in a deep pensive funk that I couldn’t seem to shake and I burst into tears at one point for absolutely no reason.  I guess instead of taking the day off from my normally busy schedule I should have kept busy but I had no way of knowing that my mind was going to be in such a turmoil of mixed emotions. Sometimes being too busy can be a very good thing. 

I’d Like a Cup of Relaxation Please With a Side of Over Easy Day

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I’d Like a Cup of Relaxation Please With a Side of Over Easy Day

Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.  ~Ovid

I am taking a day off from riding bike. This week I have logged 45 miles and lost about a pound. I can live with it. It has been a productive week and happy for the most part. I really have no complaints. I am adding more songs to my set list today and have the goal of producing another video for YouTube today, doing some artwork, rehearsing,  reading a few chapters of “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” and doing some housework. Believe it or not this is my idea of relaxing…LOL. I have a day of peace and relaxation planned, nothing more, nothing less!

It’s Too Late

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It’s Too Late

There are two lasting bequests we can give our children.  One is roots.  The other is wings.  ~Hodding Carter, Jr.

My daughter has informed me that she’s leaving to Alaska on Saturday. She’s leaving and spreading her wings. I tried to explain to her that she’s leaving what feels like a cage here to a cage there. She’s running scared because she’s pregnant. I tried to tell her that changing scenery is not going to alter circumstance. Of course she won’t listen to me, I’m only her mother. She’s running away from me and herself to grandparents that she doesn’t know and they don’t know her. They are the ones that sent her the plane tickets, not just for her but for her boyfriend that is leading her around by the nose. Don’t even get me started on the boy’s mother. She’s just happy that a girl, my foolish daughter, is getting her lazy, good-for-nothing son out of her hair. Why did it have to be my daughter that finally got this lazy boy off his lazy ass and out of his mother’s home? My daughter sent me a message on Facebook that she wanted to see me before she left and I told her “no”. I will not apologize for refusing to see my daughter off to a foolish expedition without a plan or any foresight. I know me too well, anything I say to her is surely going to sound like judgment and it will come across harsh. So, I chose not to see her. I choose not to see her because as surely as the Earth rotates on it’s axis I know that if I try to speak to or look at my foolish child right now I am putting my sobriety at risk. I am not sorry to say that I am being selfish about my sobriety. I wish her the best, but deep down I already know how this is going to turn out and she will have to find out for herself. There are so many things wrong with this picture, her boyfriend’s mother is so happily throwing her child to the wind in her over-exuberance to have her son out of her house and on his own when he doesn’t have a pot to piss in or the knowledge of how to get a pot, and dragging along my pregnant daughter with him. His mother uses this fallacious argument that “I have raised my kid!”  I could say to my daughter, “If it were me”, but it isn’t me and at this point she is going to make her mistakes and I’m only afraid that this is one that she is going to pay for dearly.  I’m sorry for her because I think she’s going to realize her mistake but it’s going to be too late and her pride won’t let her tell me so.

 

It’s Not Fair!

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It’s Not Fair!

Sarah: That’s not fair! 
Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is? ~ From The Labyrinth

I am going to whine so beware….LOL! Now that I have quit consuming my calories in mind bending beverages I am putting on weight. I have started riding bike, 7.5 miles a day everyday, to keep my weight and shape, but it’s not fair! I don’t eat anything out of the ordinary or glutton myself, but my families gene pool sux! My mother weighs in at 275 lbs and my grandmother weighed very close to that when she passed. I have always watched my weight and been super sensitive about my appearance. It’s good that I have put on weight, in November I was very sick and shot down to 125 lbs, but hell’s bells do I have to starve myself to keep from weighing over 150 lbs. My good weight is 140, that’s when I look the best. I stand 5’9″ and that is the perfect weight for my bone structure. However, the only way I get to maintain that is if I eat like a freakin’ bird.Well, I have been on the bike riding routine for less than a week, so I’ll just keep on keeping on, but dam, I still say it’s not fair. Ok I am over it now!

Luminous Caduceus

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Luminous Caduceus

Aquarius Horoscope for week of August 2, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
In old China, people used to cool themselves by sipping hot drinks. After taking a bath, they buffed the excess water from their skin by using a wet towel. When greeting a friend, they shook their own hand instead of the friend’s. To erect a new house, they built the roof first. You’re currently in a phase of your astrological cycle when this kind of behavior makes sense. In fact, I suspect you’re most likely to have a successful week if you’re ready to reverse your usual way of doing things on a regular basis. 
How’s your fight for freedom going? Are you making progress in liberating yourself from your unconscious obsessions, bad habits, and conditioned responses?

What’s true about the word “God” may apply as well to “soul“: Much of the meaning has been sucked out of it. It’s a flabby ghost that has lost its life force. Say “soul” and you’re liable to numb your listeners’ attention. At best you may inspire them to picture a vague floating blob that feels more like an abstract concept than a real presence. That’s a shame, because the eminence that’s lazily referred to as “soul” is as crucial to you waking up tomorrow as your heart. 

“If you need to visualize the soul,” wrote Tom Robbins, “think of it as a cross between a wolf howl, a photon, and a dribble of dark molasses. But what it really is, as near as I can tell, is a packet of information. It’s a program, a piece of hyperspatial software designed explicitly to interface with the Mystery. Not a mystery, mind you, the Mystery. The one that can never be solved.” 

As part of the Beauty and Truth Lab’s ongoing crusade to wrestle the English language into a more formidable servant of the ecstatic impulse, we’re pleased to present some alternate designations for “soul.” See if any of the following concoctions feel right coming out of your mouth: 1. undulating superconductor; 2. nectar plasma; 3. golden lather; 4. smoldering crucible; 5. luminous caduceus. 

If none of these work for you—or even if they do—create your own terms. 

P.S. Here’s Robbins’ conclusion: “By waxing soulful you will have granted yourself the possibility of ecstatic participation in what the ancients considered a divinely animated universe.” 

OK Rob Brezney, a very strange astrology for the week. If I read this right I am supposed to reverse my way of doing things, unthink the way I normally think. I am supposed to liberate myself from my habits, obsessions and conditioned responses. I am supposed to find a new definition for the soul, I liked #5 Luminous (brightly lit) caduceus (healing staff carried by Hermes). To me that is an epiphany of internal healing.

It Is What It Is!

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It Is What It Is!

Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens. 

I found that the biggest part of my enjoyment and serenity yesterday cam from my sheer and open lack of expectations for what the day may bring. We played a gig last night with a drummer and bass player that we had never played with before and it went really great! It was as if we had always played together. The people who came to see us had a great time, as did I. Who could ask for more?!

A Different Person

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A Different Person

“Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.” –C.S. Lewis

Everyone says I have changed so much in the last month and a half. Mike says I am a ray of sunshine. The funny thing is I know that I have changed inside, deep down inside. I am still crossing the monkey bars and learning how to cross while holding onto a banana and not fall. I am like a child learning all about myself for the first time, the exception being that I am an adult with a vast array of experiences, and some not very positive at all. The fact of the matter is that I am still grumpy, and at times, downright cranky. That’s just part of who I am. The banana I hold onto is the goal that once I cross the monkey bars I can eat my prize, that golden, yellow, delicious banana with its rich fruit wrapped so tenderly in a protective peal. I find that I am tired a lot more than I used to be and I don’t always feel like a ray of sunshine. There are days I just feel down and depressed, there are days that I just don’t give a shit. The fact is is that I am human and I still feel things, just differently because now there is no numbing, mind bending substance to take it away. I have to face my emotions head on and that isn’t easy after such a long and devoted career of inebriating myself from feeling anything. In this new life full of changes and becoming a different person the knives are very real, the pain they inflict deep and I don’t have the Novocaine to stop it like I used to. Yes, I have been given a whole new set of tools to deal with my hurts and ills, but they are still there and more real than ever, and that is hard! In the beginning of sobriety we are more than happy to grasp the banana knowing that one day we will be able to partake of it’s wonderful fruit, but no one tells you you have to swing across these precarious monkey bars of emotions and feelings to the other side before you can really enjoy the fruit, and if you drop the banana you get to start all over again. The thing that no one tells you about is the flood of emotions that may seem like they are going to overtake you. This flood of emotions happens because we no longer have a mind altering substance to blind us to the tidal wave that is rushing our direction.  

Honor Yourself

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Honor Yourself

Better keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.  ~George Bernard Shaw

After the car wreck of your life has finally come to a stop and you have begun to pick up the twisted fragments of metal, the broken shards of glass, healed the cuts and wounds, filed the insurance claim and received a new car it’s time to look at the cause of the car wreck in the first place. Were we not the drivers that caused the wreck? Were we not the ones who lost control? After the exterior mess is cleaned up there is still the internal wreck to clean up, and believe me I need a big broom and dust pan. Even after you think the mess is cleaned up, swept away and thrown in the trash, inevitably you still find shards of glass, pieces of plastic and fragments of metal you have missed. The best thing I have found is walking into a place where you find happy, sober people doing happy, sober things. They have all been in the same car wreck as you, it may not have happened for the same reasons, it may not have been exactly the same wreck and some walk away in better shape than others. The point is that we must honor our self by cleaning up every last piece of the car wreck and surround ourselves with cushions like a bumper car so that that accident doesn’t happen again, for next time we may not walk away unscathed, if at all.  Surrounding ourselves with sober, happy people is that cushion of which I speak. If you continue to surround yourselves with people who are constantly getting into car wrecks you are not going to honor yourself and your insurance rates will climb higher and higher with each new collision. Finally, the insurance company is going to get sick of you and the wrecks and drop you entirely.  It isn’t enough to simply clean up the mess, we must change and learn to honor ourselves and those around us.

Gifts For the Birdies and the Squirrels

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Gifts For the Birdies and the Squirrels

“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.”~Buddha

I have so many things that could upset me today, so many things that I could try and control today, so many things that could upset the balance of my universe. I refuse. I refuse to allow outside disturbances to put me on a path that does not lead to peace. Peace of mind and peace of heart. Pure peace and that alone shall stand. Yesterday my sunflowers needed to be cut down, they had been attacked by earwigs and were sickly looking. Yet, even though they looked sick, upon closer inspection I could see that they still bore the fruits of their labors. They were loaded with sunflower seeds. So, in apology for their early demise, I cut them down and offered the sunflower heads to the birdies and the squirrels. After all they might as well give their fruits back to nature. Much like life, some thing or some one may look sickly on the outside, however; if you look deep enough you can find the seeds of good offering themselves up for sharing and giving back in a spirit of peace and good will. 

My Sunflower Heads

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Body and Mind

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Body and Mind

Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.” – Reinhold Niebuhr 

Ok, so here’s the deal. Now that I have changed my mind’s perspective it is time to go after the body. Since I am no longer drinking my calories and I am eating normally instead of going days without eating, choosing to drink instead, I am starting to put on some weight. So, now that I have the mind in line it’s time to start taking care of the positive effects of what is happening to my body. My family has this terrible problem with obesity and my body image has always been of huge concern to me. My mother is pushing 275#’s and my grandmother weighed just about that when she passed. Excuse my vanity Buddha, but I like looking good and I don’t like little pockets of fat sticking out all over my body. I made a command decision yesterday that I would take a 1-2 hour bike ride every morning. So this is it…day 1 of the beginning of a new path for me…the path of caring for the positive effects happening to my mind as well as my body. Wish me luck!

Unbiased Corroboration is All I Ask….LOL

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Unbiased Corroboration is All I Ask….LOL

Aquarius Horoscope for week of July 26, 2012

Verticle Oracle cardAquarius (January 20-February 19)
My daughter Zoe has been writing some fine poetry these last few years. I regard it as professional-grade stuff that has been born of natural talent and developed through discipline and hard work. You might ask, quite reasonably, whether my evaluation of her literary output is skewed by fatherly pride. I’ve considered that possibility. But recently, my opinion got unbiased corroboration when her school awarded her with the “All-College Honor” for her poetry manuscript. I predict you will soon have a comparable experience. Your views or theories will be confirmed by an independent and objective source. 

After rejecting proposals from many directors, Bob Dylan finally authorized Oscar-nominated Todd Haynes to make a film about his life, I’m Not There. Five different actors and one actress portrayed Dylan, including Richard Gere, Cate Blanchett, Marcus Carl Franklin, Heath Ledger, Ben Whishaw, and Christian Bale. “I set out to explode the idea that anybody can be depicted in a single self,” Haynes told The Sunday Times.

Ok Rob, I am sure there is some deeply intrinsic yet cosmic purpose behind this weeks astrology. I didn’t understand the last one until I found a $5 bill on the ground either, but hey, who am I? Maybe this is your way of telling me that I am going to get unasked for kudos on my music, maybe someone will suddenly appreciate my artwork…Who knows, but whatever it is, I Like It!

Inside Out

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Inside Out

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin

I will be the first to admit that I am a cynic. I have lived my life distrusting of other peoples motives, because aren’t all humans urged by the need for some personal gain of their own. In reality I have always questioned people’s sincerity and motives, whether they stemmed from the true spirit of giving of themselves to another purely for unselfish motives or if their input was driven by self-serving motives. My circle of friends is small, my circle of acquaintances large. I keep the ones who I know have no ulterior motives close and everyone else I keep at arms length as acquaintances or even further away than that. The more I get to know a person determines the distance of their relationship with me directly in proportion to their motives. Being cynical isn’t hard, in fact it is quite easy, in truth it is being optimistic about the human race that is hard. It is my genuine hope that I will one day learn to not be such a cynical, distrusting person, but it is a very hard thing to do when you find that a majority of the people you meet on a daily basis are only becoming acquainted with you because they “think” you have something to offer them rather than in the genuine spirit of friendship. They extend a hand to you as a “friend” with motives untrue and fettered by wants and desires.

 

 

Character Defects

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Character Defects

The final forming of a person’s character lies in their own hands. Anne Frank

Last nights topic, character defects. I’ll be the first to admit I am a walking character defect. I’m a control freak and I am, to a certain extent, OCD. I have been told that I need to ask a HP to remove my defects of character. No, not a Hewlett Packard! HP is my higher power. Well, being the person that I am, I have to say this. No one, and no thing is going to remove defects of character for you. You are responsible for you and your behavior and the only person that can change that is you. Yes, it is great to have an HP, whether it is your concept of God, a green haired troll doll, or a far away star. However, I do feel that we, only we, can change certain defects in our characters. That is something that comes from within us, not outside of us. Who’s fault is it that I fell down the rabbit hole of drinking, no ones. I am solely responsible for that chaotic miasma of self-indulgence and self-pity. For that I take full responsibility, in this way I have no one to blame if I fall down the rabbit hole again and end up having drunken conversations with a disappearing cat, a rabbit on the run and a stoned caterpillar!

Fun Pics of the Week!

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Fun Pics of the Week!

I have had a busy week but I found time to get out and take some pics. I am in the process of trying to take all of our songs that have been produced in the studio and produce YouTube videos. Here are some of the pics I took this week that might appear in a video I am working on today. Enjoy! Peace, Jaz

Time

Forgotten Dolly

Sunday Ham Dinner

Night Guide

Friends at our Jam on Tuesday

 

Arrow

Self Portrait, Saturday July 21