Category Archives: negativity

Can’t See the Forest for the Trees…

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Can’t See the Forest for the Trees…

To see the forest for the trees (idiomatic) To discern an overall pattern from a mass of detail; to see the big picture, or the broader, more general situation. As demonstrated by the example sentence above, it is used in negative constructions, often starting with can’t or couldn’t.

There is nothing so disappointing as realizing that someone in your life has given up, given up on themselves and everyone around them. What’s even worse is when they give up before you even really get started. It’s hard to sit idly by and watch someone you care about spew negativity out of their mouth. They spew infectious negative thoughts that affect everyone around them. I have absolutely no tolerance for people that give up so easily, people that embrace their negativity and spew it out like an infectious disease to everyone around them. What is it they say? “Misery loves company.” I for one refuse to be a part of that type of hyperbolic miasma. My thought is go away and stay away until you hear a big “POP”. That would be the sound of your head coming out of your ass.

With that I give you The Rolling Stones….

How You Treat Others

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How You Treat Others

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. Winston Churchill 

How you treat others and speak to them is a direct reflection of yourself. If you look down on others and treat them with disdain what is this saying about you as a person? On the other side of the coin, if you treat each and every person with courtesy and respect what does that say? Recently I have had the experience of running into both ends of the spectrum. I have had one person that was so rude and short with me that I will never speak with that person ever again. This person treated me as if I was no better than a little bug under their shoe. On the other hand I have met some very sweet people that have been warm and inviting and in the end formed some new friendships. In the middle of the spectrum I have a friend who is incredibly self-involved and only seems to be focusing on their own current negative situation. They are so busy having a pity party that they are completely oblivious to the people around them and the difficulties of their friend’s situations. If you are hurting, this person is hurting 10 x’s worse. You know this person. Rather than focusing their energy on fixing the situation they blow their horn vociferously to anyone who will listen about their terrible situation and how no one is helping them. Part of the problem with this, beyond the obvious, is when a person does this their friends will draw away from them like pulling back from a hot stove. Truly, it is ok to tell people your situation, but always try to have a positive outlook and a plan on how you can fix it. No one is going to fix it for you. If you sit and cry to people all day, everyday, about your situation you are 1. wasting energy that could serve a better purpose and 2. Pushing people away from you as surely as if you were a hot, flaming coal of self-pity. No matter how bad your situation is it serves you better as a person to always keep in mind that your situation could be worse and you are not the only one hurting in this world. We all need to vent and let our friends and family know what’s going on with us, but it’s ultimately important to take the high road and if one avenue doesn’t work, explore other avenues. Eventually you will find the road that works, and never give up. No matter what, keep in mind that the things you spew out of your mouth can end up coming back to bite you and push people away. With that I leave you with the Beatles, have a peaceful day 🙂

How I Feel….

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How I Feel….

I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. Maya Angelou 

My spirits are incredibly high. I have had some very good karmic payback over the last couple of weeks. The new band is going so well, and Mike and I have waited for a band like this to come along for so long. We have both been in bands together through the years but never quite this good. EZ Street is picking up gigs faster than any of us could have anticipated and for the band this is absolutely a testament to the chemistry we have as a band. We all have our financial worries, many of us have no full time jobs and these gigs are going to make the difference in whether we have gas or not, so this is a great thing for us all. If only we were independently wealthy. Fortunately I got my new position freelance writing for The Travel Council Magazine which will take some of the pressure off of Mike, not all of it, but some. These gigs are really going to help us out financially. I am happy and content, busy but happy. It didn’t even phase me this week when I was trying to get a promoter to help us get some of these bigger events and he was short with me and very rude. He treated me like crap and if he were to approach me tomorrow and say he wants to help us out I would basically tell him to get bent! The sad thing of it is is that I know this band is that good and he just screwed up and closed any door with us that he might have hoped to have in the future. To make matters worse the guy works with my producer in another local band. It’s sad that people have to pull that holier than thou, my poo doesn’t stink attitude. C’est la vie my friend, you just burned that bridge by your very attitude. It’s ok because I know that I am a strong enough person and have enough where-with-all that I can do it myself, I was just trying to take some of the pressure off of myself, but I will just keep on keeping on. 🙂

On that note I leave you with one of my favorite all time happy-happy, joy-joy songs by Jimmy Cliff, enjoy 🙂

Negativism, Rage, Anger and the Internet

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Negativism, Rage, Anger and the Internet

For every minute you remain angry, you give up sixty seconds of peace of mind. Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think we are all guilty of it. At some point or another we have gotten on our FaceBook, or our blog, I know that I have, and just spewed out all the anger or rage or disgust we are feeling at someone or thing we have felt treated us unjustly. I have done it in moments of rage, hurt and anger. Did it solve anything, absolutely not. Did it make things any better, well, I might have felt better for like 2.5 seconds. At the end of the day I came to realize that spewing that kind of anger may or may not reach my intended target. What I did realize is that the many friends and family and people I didn’t even know saw that anger and rage just as surely as if I was standing on the busiest intersection in the world butt naked. Do I want people seeing this anger and hot rage. No! Sure, I may be angry, but spewing out a diatribe of profanity and rage serves no purpose other than to alienate people you know and people you don’t even know yet. It completely turns people off. My advice to anyone feeling this kind of rage and anger at someone is to confront the person that hurt you face to face, not FaceBook to FaceBook. Take it from someone who knows, it will only come back to hurt you in some unexpected way just as surely as a boomerang comes back to the hand that threw it. Be peaceful my friends, if you’re angry don’t keep it bottled up, confront the source, don’t spew it out there for the world to see. Once it’s out there you can’t take it back, nor can you take back the indelible impression you will leave with all those people that you probably didn’t even know were seeing it. Just my Buddhist thought for the day and on that note I will leave you with No Doubt….

 

 

Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

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Starting Off on the Wrong Foot

I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. It’s nothing personal, but people need to realize that sometimes I don’t want to talk.

Yesterday I was in a very strange place. I was with a group of people I absolutely love, but I just didn’t feel like being around them or anyone for that matter. I had made a loaf of zucchini bread that I had made for Jim, a friend of mine, and the only reason I went was to give it to him. Anyway…while I was standing there with J.D. talking and waiting to give the bread to Jim this young woman came up to me and without even knowing me or anything about me she says, “So, I hear your a rock star.” I didn’t even look at her, I just said “No, not really.”  and I continued my conversation with J.D. and basically ignored her. I don’t know why she irritates me or why her comment really irritated me, it just did. A couple of reasons come to mind:

  1. Whenever she talks in our meetings she is always taking everyone else’s inventory and pointing out what others are doing wrong.
  2. She has no right to take anyone’s inventory but her own . (No one should be taking anyone else’s inventory anyway.)
  3. I am only a musician and playing live in front of a crowd of people is just what I do for my livelihood. I am not a “rock star”, nor have I EVER considered myself to be one and the term just annoys the piss out of me. I can’t explain why.
  4. She doesn’t even know me and instead of introducing herself to me like a “normal” person, these are the first words out of her mouth to me. It struck me as derogatory in the manner in which she said it and, as I have said, slightly annoying.

The fact of the matter is that I can be a real bitch, especially if you don’t know me and I am very blunt, which can rub people the wrong way. However; on the other side of the coin I am genuine and a very loving person. It just takes a little to get to know me and certainly walking up to me and making a derogatory comment is not the best way to start out on the “right” foot with me. I called my friend Kym this morning to find out for sure if it was just me having a bad day or if this young woman is just an obnoxious and irritating person. She let me in on the fact that apparently this girl rubs everyone the wrong way. So, any guilt I may have felt about choosing to ignore her and her asinine comment is gone, unfortunately I doubt if this girl and I will ever be friends anytime soon because once you start out with me on the wrong foot the odds of getting on the right foot are probably nil.

 

Do What You Say You’re Going To Do!

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Do What You Say You’re Going To Do!

 If what you say is based on what people want to hear, rather than what you intend to actually do, sooner or later you’ll find yourself in the difficult position of having to break your word.

Why do people tell others that they are going to do something and then not do it? And then….then they wait until the last moment to tell them that they are backing out. This is something I will never understand. If I have a gig to do and I know that I can’t do it I let people know at least a week in advance or at the soonest possible moment, it doesn’t matter whether the gig is paying or not, the importance lies in the fact that I have people relying on me and if I chose not to be there and don’t let them know until the last possible moment it puts them in a bind to find someone to replace me. It’s not fair to the people relying on me to be there and do my part because every person is a link in the chain of whether something is going to work or not and when I let them down I am breaking the chain of whether a gig is going to be successful or not. With music there aren’t 100 other singers that can just step in and take my place, or bass players, or guitar player, etc…You get the picture. If you can’t do something then don’t say you will…It’s that damn simple, there are no feeble excuses as to why you suddenly changed your mind after making a commitment. Here’s the thing, if you do things like this chances are the people that were relying on you in the first place are going to lose all trust in you and there probably won’t be an offer for a “next” time. You just blew any potential there might have been of something good. Say what you mean and mean what you say!

Letting Yourself Down

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Letting Yourself Down

Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. 

I can’t help but feel disappointed about our gig last night. Our bass player threw out his back and couldn’t make it so we had to run the entire night without bass. Things felt like a train wreck and I probably gave up too soon. We didn’t do the best we could, the drummer did, he was a really good sport about the whole thing. We were all hot and tired and I felt completely lost when I realized that the bass player wasn’t going to show. I got caught off guard and was basically just throwing songs out there to keep things going. I was disorganized and I really should have been prepared better for exactly what happened. In life, I think, we get this picture of how things are supposed to be and when they don’t meet our expectations it throws a curve ball at us and suddenly we realize we left our mitt at home. Well I left my mitt at home last night and apparently my brain as well. Next time I will know better. I know that I am being entirely too hard on myself, I do that a lot. You know what they say, we are our own worst critics. The sad thing about it is I didn’t woman up and make the situation great, I just sort of folded into myself in disappointment, that was by far my biggest mistake. 

If You Could Feel What I feel Then You Would Know What I Feel

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If You Could Feel What I feel Then You Would Know What I Feel

I learned to be with myself rather than avoiding myself with limiting habits; I started to be aware of my feelings more, rather than numb them. Judith Wright

When you stop using mind altering substances, such as alcohol in my case, you are forced out of your little numb closet into the world of feelings. Suddenly you realize you are alive and you can feel. Those feelings can become overwhelming because when you begin to feel again every emotion begins to take on the proportions of a bright painting in the vivid neon colors that are so intense they hurt your eyes and you are powerless to turn away from the painting even though it burns your vision. Yesterday was just such a day for me. I went through my day just as surely as if I were a  zombie plodding along going down some strange path and going through the motions without knowing why I was doing that or where I was going. I wasn’t numb, in fact I was far from it, I was in a deep pensive funk that I couldn’t seem to shake and I burst into tears at one point for absolutely no reason.  I guess instead of taking the day off from my normally busy schedule I should have kept busy but I had no way of knowing that my mind was going to be in such a turmoil of mixed emotions. Sometimes being too busy can be a very good thing. 

It’s Not Fair!

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It’s Not Fair!

Sarah: That’s not fair! 
Jareth: You say that so often, I wonder what your basis for comparison is? ~ From The Labyrinth

I am going to whine so beware….LOL! Now that I have quit consuming my calories in mind bending beverages I am putting on weight. I have started riding bike, 7.5 miles a day everyday, to keep my weight and shape, but it’s not fair! I don’t eat anything out of the ordinary or glutton myself, but my families gene pool sux! My mother weighs in at 275 lbs and my grandmother weighed very close to that when she passed. I have always watched my weight and been super sensitive about my appearance. It’s good that I have put on weight, in November I was very sick and shot down to 125 lbs, but hell’s bells do I have to starve myself to keep from weighing over 150 lbs. My good weight is 140, that’s when I look the best. I stand 5’9″ and that is the perfect weight for my bone structure. However, the only way I get to maintain that is if I eat like a freakin’ bird.Well, I have been on the bike riding routine for less than a week, so I’ll just keep on keeping on, but dam, I still say it’s not fair. Ok I am over it now!

It Is What It Is!

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It Is What It Is!

Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens. 

I found that the biggest part of my enjoyment and serenity yesterday cam from my sheer and open lack of expectations for what the day may bring. We played a gig last night with a drummer and bass player that we had never played with before and it went really great! It was as if we had always played together. The people who came to see us had a great time, as did I. Who could ask for more?!

Inside Out

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Inside Out

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist. George Carlin

I will be the first to admit that I am a cynic. I have lived my life distrusting of other peoples motives, because aren’t all humans urged by the need for some personal gain of their own. In reality I have always questioned people’s sincerity and motives, whether they stemmed from the true spirit of giving of themselves to another purely for unselfish motives or if their input was driven by self-serving motives. My circle of friends is small, my circle of acquaintances large. I keep the ones who I know have no ulterior motives close and everyone else I keep at arms length as acquaintances or even further away than that. The more I get to know a person determines the distance of their relationship with me directly in proportion to their motives. Being cynical isn’t hard, in fact it is quite easy, in truth it is being optimistic about the human race that is hard. It is my genuine hope that I will one day learn to not be such a cynical, distrusting person, but it is a very hard thing to do when you find that a majority of the people you meet on a daily basis are only becoming acquainted with you because they “think” you have something to offer them rather than in the genuine spirit of friendship. They extend a hand to you as a “friend” with motives untrue and fettered by wants and desires.

 

 

I Just Have to Get This Off My Chest

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I Just Have to Get This Off My Chest

Criticism is an indirect form of self-boasting. Emmet Fox

I really have to get this off my chest because it has been bothering me. However, I need to do this in the most Buddhist fashion I can and that isn’t going to be easy because frankly I am really irked at this person. I have been going to meetings recently to help me maintain my sobriety. There are great, loving people there and as of yet I have not met anyone negative, that is until Saturday. The meeting was a good one and one person even received his award for 14 years of sobriety. We closed the meeting and without my knowing it this person who had received the award made a point of saying to me, “I remember you when you were living on Chicago Street, you were trying to get sober then, too.” Now I have to point out here that I haven’t lived on Chicago street for over 8 years, so it just goes to show how long my battle has been. This person who pointed this out to me isn’t a regular at our meetings, in fact I have never seen him there before. I think he simply showed up at our meeting because it was his day to receive his award and there were no other meetings on that day.  I didn’t recognize him and put it together who he was until after we had already left. He was the head of a group I used to attend about 9 years ago and I haven’t seen him again until Saturday. The fact is I didn’t like him then, and I surely don’t like him now, Buddha forgive me, but I abhor him and his critical, judgmental self. What right has he to judge me! I am so incredibly happy for him that he has managed to maintain 14 years of sobriety, Good for him. We can’t all be like him, in recovery, self-righteous and supercilious. Some of us have to fall and scrape our knees many many times before we get it. Was it really necessary for Mr. High-and-Mighty, Mr. I am so much better than you, Mr. Look at my award, to point out another person’s failure who is struggling with their sobriety. In a way I hope I never see the MF again, but at the same time I feel the strong need to point out to him that what he did was incredibly negative, incredibly out of line and incredibly the opposite of what we try to learn in our meeting about love and support. So, on that note, now that I have gotten that off my chest….Peace be with him, bastard that he is!