Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience. Victoria Holt
I can’t help but feel disappointed about our gig last night. Our bass player threw out his back and couldn’t make it so we had to run the entire night without bass. Things felt like a train wreck and I probably gave up too soon. We didn’t do the best we could, the drummer did, he was a really good sport about the whole thing. We were all hot and tired and I felt completely lost when I realized that the bass player wasn’t going to show. I got caught off guard and was basically just throwing songs out there to keep things going. I was disorganized and I really should have been prepared better for exactly what happened. In life, I think, we get this picture of how things are supposed to be and when they don’t meet our expectations it throws a curve ball at us and suddenly we realize we left our mitt at home. Well I left my mitt at home last night and apparently my brain as well. Next time I will know better. I know that I am being entirely too hard on myself, I do that a lot. You know what they say, we are our own worst critics. The sad thing about it is I didn’t woman up and make the situation great, I just sort of folded into myself in disappointment, that was by far my biggest mistake.
“A pier is a disappointed bridge.” ― Julian Barnes, Flaubert’s Parrot
I remember the feeling of being disappointed as a child. My mom was really good at letting me down, on a lot of things. There were small disappointments, like the many times I wanted to go roller skating but she was more interested in going partying with her friends than taking me to the skating rink. Then there were bigger disappointments. When I told her my brother was beating me she chose to ignore it. That was more than a disappointment, that was a pain I have never quite forgiven her for. Now as an adult I find that I have had to disappoint my best friend and my daughter, and I am upset about it. My best friend’s brother died last week and I had every intention of going to Pocatello to support him, however I couldn’t go because of financial constraints here at home. I can only hope that he can find it in his heart to forgive me. Also, my daughter is having a very hard time adjusting to her new situation and if I had gone to Pocatello I could have helped her with the problems she is having. So, once again, and all in the same week, I have let two of the most important people in my life down. I’m mad at myself and worried about both of them. I realize that disappointment is our reaction to expectations that we have of other’s and we shouldn’t have expectations because then we won’t set ourselves up for a fall. I think, as human beings, we just can’t help it. Everyone has a set of expectations and one can’t help but feel disappointed when those expectations aren’t met, we can’t help it, it’s in our nature. I only hope they can forgive me.
- I’m Always By Your Side (catseyesk.wordpress.com)
- Only disappointment (partialview.wordpress.com)