Tag Archives: Emotion

If You Could Feel What I feel Then You Would Know What I Feel

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If You Could Feel What I feel Then You Would Know What I Feel

I learned to be with myself rather than avoiding myself with limiting habits; I started to be aware of my feelings more, rather than numb them. Judith Wright

When you stop using mind altering substances, such as alcohol in my case, you are forced out of your little numb closet into the world of feelings. Suddenly you realize you are alive and you can feel. Those feelings can become overwhelming because when you begin to feel again every emotion begins to take on the proportions of a bright painting in the vivid neon colors that are so intense they hurt your eyes and you are powerless to turn away from the painting even though it burns your vision. Yesterday was just such a day for me. I went through my day just as surely as if I were a  zombie plodding along going down some strange path and going through the motions without knowing why I was doing that or where I was going. I wasn’t numb, in fact I was far from it, I was in a deep pensive funk that I couldn’t seem to shake and I burst into tears at one point for absolutely no reason.  I guess instead of taking the day off from my normally busy schedule I should have kept busy but I had no way of knowing that my mind was going to be in such a turmoil of mixed emotions. Sometimes being too busy can be a very good thing. 

Choices and the Voice of Reason

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Choices and the Voice of Reason

“We must never forget that it is through our actions, words, and thoughts that we have a choice.” –Sogyal Rinpoche

Sometimes I forget this most simple truth in life. Somewhere along the line I forgot that I had a choice to change things, to make things infinitely better rather than worse. It was by my own hand that I nearly cut my own throat, it was by my own words and actions that I nearly made an error in judgement, a judgement that could have cost me dearly. I must always remember that it is no one else’s fault that I have done the things that I have done in my past. There in lies the key to salvation of my moral ground, the past is the past. I must live for today, live in this moment and by my actions, words and thoughts I want to be able to look at myself in the mirror and say, “Yes, I am following the right path. Yes, I am using right thinking. Yes, I am being true to myself.” I have no desire to live a life suffering in mortification of the things I have done or may have been considering. For today I enter the water and wash myself clean. Today my decisions will remain clear and rational and not based on some flighty emotions or desires that may lead me on a path to destructive behavior.Today I will be true to myself!

 
Don’t look back, a new day is breakin 
It’s been too long since I felt this way 
I don’t mind where I get taken 
The road is callin, today is the day I can see, it took so long just to realize 
I’m much too strong not to compromise 
Now I see what I am is holding me down 
I’ll turn it around I finally see the dawn arrivin 
I see beyond the road I’m drivin 

It’s a bright horizon and I’m awaken 
I see myself in a brand new way 
The sun is shinin, the clouds are breakin 
Cause I can’t lose now, there’s no game to play 

I can tell there’s no more time left to criticize 
[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/b/boston-lyrics/don_t-look-back-lyrics.html |]
I’ve seen what I could not recognize 
Everything in my life was leading me on, 
But I can be strong 

I finally see the dawn arrivin 
I see beyond the road I’m drivin 

Don’t look back, a new day is breakin 
It’s been so long since I felt this way 
I don’t mind where I get taken 
The road is callin, today is the day 

I can see, it took so long just to realize 
I’m much too strong not to compromise 
Now I see what I am is holding me down 
I’ll turn it around 

I finally see the dawn arrivin 
I see beyond the road I’m drivin