Butterflies in the stomach is a phenomenon characterized by the physical sensation of a “fluttery” feeling in the stomach. This sensation can be a physical sensation related to the body’s fight or flight response or it can be an ineffable experience related to the psychology of nervousness and excitement. Wikipedia
After 20+ years of performing live you would think I wouldn’t get the butterflies anymore. Not so, although they aren’t as severe as the very first time I performed live. This will hand you a laugh. We were playing our first gig as a band and it was my first live performance in front of people in a public venue. I got the butterflies so bad and I was so nervous I was shaking. I was shaking so hard my ass cheeks were shaking and they wouldn’t stop! I felt bad for my drummer, I don’t know if he noticed or not, I hope not, but how embarassing is that! That is the only time that happened, but I still get the butterflies in my stomach. It is always during the first 2 or 3 songs performing at a new venue. They remind me that no matter how far I have come in my career, no matter how confident I am in my music, I still get nervous.
Truly, it is in the darkness that one finds the light, so when we are in sorrow, then this light is nearest of all to us. Meister Eckhart
I have been in a really dark place and I can’t seem to find the ladder to guide me out of this cruel hole I’ve dug myself into. My heart is breaking and my mind is floating in an abyss of lime green Jello. How did I get here? I think I need a change. I think Bill Cosby could bring me a bowl of chocolate instant pudding and I would feel better. Doesn’t chocolate pudding make everyone feel better? It’s cold and dark down here, won’t someone throw me a rope?
Aquarius Horoscope for week of May 31, 2012
Should you get down on your knees and beg for love and recognition? No! Should you give yourself away without seeking much in return? Don’t do that, either. Should you try to please everyone in an attempt to be popular? Definitely not. Should you dilute your truth so as not to cause a ruckus? I hope not. So then what am I suggesting you should do? Ask the following question about every possibility that comes before you: “Will this help me to master myself, deepen my commitment to what I want most, and gain more freedom?”
Ok, Rob you can stop reading my mind any time now! Todd posted a blog this morning that hit the nail on the head, so I am sharing it with you. He must have been reading my mind too.
Most people will readily admit that they are afraid of failure.
But what about fear of success? Is it possible that you are afraid of success and it’s limiting what you want to do in life?
Do you often wonder why you are not as successful as you know you could be – or should be?
Do you blame it on circumstances? Time? Money? Or do you ever, gulp, blame it on yourself?
The truth is a lot of people are afraid of a lot of things. And there is lots of good advice out there to help you overcome many types of fears. But when it comes to success, most people who are afraid of it are not even aware of it.
So, how can you tell? How do you know if you’re one of those people who are afraid of success so you are unwittingly the one responsible for holding yourself back? CNN Money has a quiz you can take which includes the following questions:
- Do you feel guilty about your own happiness if a friend tells you s/he is depressed?
- Do you find yourself not telling others about your good luck so they won’t feel envious?
- Do you have trouble saying no to people?
- When you start a project do you suddenly find a bunch of others things you suddenly have to take care of?
- Do you believe that people who look out for themselves are selfish?
- Do you avoid asking for help because you’re afraid of bothering someone?
Did you answer “yes” to some of those questions? If you did, it’s entirely possible you’re afraid of success. But does it really matter? Is your fear really limiting you?
People who are afraid of achieving success can experience the following:
- A noted lack of effort in achieving goals, personal, school, or financial
- Self-destructive behavior
- Inability to make decisions and choices
- Lack of motivation
- Belittling your achievements
- Feeling guilty when you do succeed
- Making the “wrong” choices to ensure you will not be happy and successful
- General negativity
Clearly the answer is if you fear success then your life is less than it could be.
But what can you do? What can you do to overcome success-fear so you can get on with creating the life you want to live?” Get more here: Is Fear of Success Limiting Your Productivity?.
We can always choose to perceive things differently. You can focus on what’s wrong in your life, or you can focus on what’s right.
I must admit that my focus has been out of skew. I allowed myself to fall in a well of self pity and that was wrong. There have been quite a few changes that hit so fast I wasn’t ready for them. I promised myself that I was going to get on track, and I will. I will not allow my hurting to drag me down anymore than I have. Thank you to those that have read my blogs and shown care and concern, it’s very sweet and has made me feel better!
“Sometimes I feel like there’s a hole inside of me, an emptiness that at times seems to burn. I think if you lifted my heart to your ear, you could probably hear the ocean. The moon tonight, there’s a circle around it. Sign of trouble not far behind. I have this dream of being whole. Of not going to sleep each night, wanting. But still sometimes, when the wind is warm or the crickets sing… I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for. I just want someone to love me. I want to be seen. I don’t know. Maybe I had my happiness. I don’t want to believe it but, there is no man, Gilly. Only that moon.” ( from Practical Magic)
This is one of my all time favorite quotes of all time and it fits my life in many ways. It coincides with my earlier blog on fear https://catseyesk.wordpress.com/2012/02/02/living-in-fear/
Charles Dickens – “Oh, haggard mind, groping darkly through the past incapable of detaching itself from the miserable present dragging its heavy chain of care through imaginary feasts and revels, and scenes of awful pomp seeking but a moment’s rest among the long-forgotten haunts of childhood, and the resorts of yesterday and dimly finding fear and horror everywhere”
I have lived my life in constant fear without ever really knowing it. I am just beginning to learn how much my life has been shrouded in fear. It has caused me to be unable move forward in a lot of things, relationships, my music, a lot more than I care to count. Whenever I feel frightened of something or insecure my first reaction, my knee-jerk reaction is to close up and run. When you come from a distended family that is not affectionate and abusive you do this as a mode of protection. It’s a way of protecting yourself and shielding yourself from things that may hurt you, it’s the same reaction we have when something is flying at us, we curl up and turn away from it so it causes the least damage. I went to a concert last night and while walking there I noticed how bruised the sky looked, the sun had gone down for the most part and the clouds were shades of purple, blue and gray. It looked much like a healing bruise. If the sky can heal why can’t I?
“Light is meaningful only in relation to darkness, and truth presupposes error. It is these mingled opposites which people our life, which make it pungent, intoxicating. We only exist in terms of this conflict, in the zone where black and white clash.” Louis Aragon
Whether we know it or not we all have dual natures, a darkness that meets the light. Most people are afraid to explore the darker side of their duality, the darker side of their nature. The fear of what they may find if they looked really deep into that dark pit keeps them rooted in ignorance of the truth within them. It takes a strong person to face their darkest fears, and those darkest of fears are the things which they desire that are not considered “normal” by societies moral standards. They fear the carnal desires that may live deep in their psyches, down in the trenches, pushed down and controlled. What of the serial killer? Is this the person who has examined his duality and acted on those desires?…It begs the question. However, if you truly want to know who you are you must explore those deep dark caverns to know with absolute certainty what and who you are in even your darkest fear and desire.