Ok, I am full blown sick now! I made it through the gig last night, barley. My voice started to go in set 3. But, I made it. Now I have been in and out of bed 3 times today and have been sucking down Alka Seltzer Cold Plus, yickkie! I have big plans today for a pizza, some hot coffee, a hot shower and then retiring to bed with a good movie after a nice hot shower. Tomorrow my week is going to be slam danced between my writing schedule, with 4 new accounts on my desk, Mom’s 2 doctor’s appointments, 2 rehearsals and a gig on Saturday at Fisher’s Bar in Homedale…..watch me go now! With that I leave you with Etta James….
If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Mary Engelbrei
Ok, so my therapist wants me to write a letter to my mom about all the resentments I have toward her. Damn man! Why? I am where I am in my thinking about my mother and I don’t understand why she wants me to dredge up past resentments that I have let go of. That is not the Buddhist way and I don’t like rolling that way. I think that a majority of women have resentments toward their mothers and no matter how good or evil their mothers are or were they are set up to fail no matter what they do. We daughters put a high level of expectation upon our mothers because that is the matriarch we look up to. It’s really not fair to them, if you think about. We take our mothers and place them upon this pedestal that I think not even the best of mothers can reach the pinnacle of and when they don’t reach our level of expectation we get angry and resentful. That’s not fair to them. They are human and fallible just like everyone, but I think we daughters look to our mothers as some sort of superhuman with no kryptonite and that’s our own fault. Sure, my mom was a self-involved creature and I know for a fact she never wanted children, but her moral beliefs would not allow her to “get rid” of us. She was more interested in partying and being free than being strapped to 3 children. Oh well, I can do nothing to change who she was then, I can’t change all the ways she let me down then, what I am capable of changing is the kaleidoscope I view our relationship through. I can chose to see all the colors as dark and bleak, or I can choose to see the color values that stand out the most, the positive colors and I can choose to forgive her and myself for not seeing all the pretty rainbow of colors sooner.
My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. Mark Twain
I realize that I was a very spirited child from the get go, even before I was born. You love to tell friends how I was supposed to be born in December but refused to come out of the womb until February. The fact of the matter is I must have liked it in there. It takes a special kind of strength to deal with my eccentricities, my hippy Bohemian ways, my artistic temper tantrums, my drunken revelries and all that has gone along with being my mom. You have always supported my artistic temperament and before you got sick I have cherished the memories of all my gigs that you have gone to and supported me in just by your presence alone. I’m sure you must be my #1 fan. I am fortunate to have a mother that has always supported me in whatever “new” endeavor I have chosen to take on….I love you Mom…Happy Mother’s Day! Your Daughter, Jaz
My garden does not whet the appetite; it satisfies it. It does not provoke thirst through heedless indulgence, but slakes it by proffering its natural remedy. Amid such pleasures as these have I grown old. Epicurus
I know, I know. I planted a few days too early. I just couldn’t stand it. I just had to get out, dig up the soil and get the seeds in the ground, the itch was killing me. It’s done now. Everything is planted except for the plants I grew indoors, there’s no turning back now. It’s all good, we are expecting frost the next couple of mornings, but I am way ahead of the game. I cut plastic to fit each of my garden spots and if the seeds should happen to fail I have more of each to replant. I couldn’t help myself. Haven’t you ever had that itch and you just had to scratch it. Thankfully I had some help and I now have a garden spot in my back yard perfect for my peppers, eggplant, okra and radishes. I’m so excited about my garden this year. I am going to spend the summer planning recipes for canning. I also have the intention this year of teaching myself how to make homemade Louisiana Gumbo. A garden isn’t just about the work and the garden itself, it’s all about the plans you have lain for your produce after the work is done in the ground. Then the real creative part comes into play as to what you are going to do with your abundance of love and care. That’s the real exciting part, the end result of all your hard work and TLC.
In my garden there is a large place for sentiment. My garden of flowers is also my garden of thoughts and dreams. The thoughts grow as freely as the flowers, and the dreams are as beautiful. ~Abram L. Urban
I planted my seeds for some plants indoors and they are coming up beautifully. I am really loving watching them pop their green heads out of the dark brown richness of the soil. I am so anxious for May 15th to come so that I can mover them outdoors. The joy of getting your hands into the warm soil and running it through your fingers, seeing the dirt on your hands and under your fingernails and then watching the fruits of your labors grow is a happiness that is indescribable!
A Garden brings a joy and awareness of life and new growth and is representative of positive forces in nature working to produce positive effects.
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. Kahlil Gibran
I had a lot of fun this year decorating eggs for Easter! From top to bottom and left to right. My own design, Dragonfly, peacock feather, Om Mani Padme Hum, Lotus flower, my design, my design, flowers, dolphin, pink sunflower, heart, cattails and peace. I tried to pick designs that had significance in my life. Easter was wonderful this year. We had family and friends over, including my daughter’s new boyfriend Isaiah. He’s very cute and and a very nice person. Thank Buddha my daughter has good taste! Dinner was wonderful, except for the biscuits that I pulled an internet recipe for. Afterwards we had my homemade German chocolate cake and French vanilla ice cream. It is one of the best Easters that I can remember. I love cooking and sharing my culinary skills with family and friends. Holidays, whether you are Christian or Buddhist, are a time to give and share. They should be representative of selflessness and love…I hope all had a beautiful day…As Always…Peace Jaz
It is good to be alone in a garden at dawn or dark so that all its shy presences may haunt you and possess you in a reverie of suspended thought. ~James Douglas,Down Shoe Lane
Today, with the rising of the sun, my thoughts are on my garden, on warm sunny days, on the back breaking enjoyment of growing my own produce. I can hardly wait for spring to really be here. I am looking forward to planning out my garden layout, buying the seeds and plants and getting down to the nitty gritty job of breaking the earth, feeling the dirt on my hands and finger tips and just breathing the air. The enjoyment of raising a garden of your own has such a feeling of satisfaction and accomplishment. I love to watch the seeds grow as they push through the earth with their new green shoots reaching for the kiss from the sun. Oh the joy of a garden!
Life without love is like a tree without blossom and fruit. – Kahlil Gibran
It is not enough just to feel that you have love or are loved. Without that expression of love being shown, whether it be in words, displays of affection or just simply saying those “three little words” that everyone longs to hear, without that, life can seem like a barren oak in winter. It seems like every valentine’s day all couples go through this dilemma of how best to express their love to one another. We search down the seasonal isle of red plastic wrapped hearts of chocolates, stuffed bears proclaiming your love for all to see, and the beautifully wrapped roses and flowers in a collage of colors sure to please the heart of anyone. Yet, sometimes the gift that is most precious and the hardest to give is as simple as a gentle touch, a warm gesture or just saying “I love you.”
Kahlil Gibran on Love
When love beckons to you, follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
as the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you so shall he crucify you. Even as he is for your growth so is he for your pruning.
Even as he ascends to your height and caresses your tenderest branches that quiver in the sun,
So shall he descend to your roots and shake them in their clinging to the earth.
Like sheaves of corn he gathers you unto himself.
He threshes you to make you naked.
He sifts you to free you from your husks.
He grinds you to whiteness.
He kneads you until you are pliant;
And then he assigns you to his sacred fire, that you may become sacred bread for God’s sacred feast.
All these things shall love do unto you that you may know the secrets of your heart, and in that knowledge become a fragment of Life’s heart.
But if in your fear you would seek only love’s peace and love’s pleasure,
Then it is better for you that you cover your nakedness and pass out of love’s threshing-floor,
Into the seasonless world where you shall laugh, but not all of your laughter, and weep, but not all of your tears.
Love gives naught but itself and takes naught but from itself.
Love possesses not nor would it be possessed;
For love is sufficient unto love.
When you love you should not say, “God is in my heart,” but rather, “I am in the heart of God.”
And think not you can direct the course of love, for love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
But if you love and must needs have desires, let these be your desires:
To melt and be like a running brook that sings its melody to the night.
To know the pain of too much tenderness.
To be wounded by your own understanding of love;
And to bleed willingly and joyfully.
To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving;
To rest at the noon hour and meditate love’s ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude;
And then to sleep with a prayer for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips.
- When the World Goes Silent (catseyesk.wordpress.com)
- Marriage ~ A Poem by Kahlil Gibran (blessedlywoman.wordpress.com)
- Pleasure (berdonirena.wordpress.com)
- Letting Go of Fear to Let Love In (laura-jeanne.com)
- Kahlil Gibran (crystalmoons.wordpress.com)
- Heart-in-Wonder: 2 Roses (fineartworkshop.org)
- Kahlil Gibran, on children (ns2gs.wordpress.com)
Collectors prefer wild orchids, says William Langley, writing in the UK’s Telegraph.Orchids grown in nurseries, which comprise 99.5 percent of the total, are tarnished with “the stigma of perfection.” Their colors are generic and their petal patterns are boringly regular. Far more appealing are the exotic varieties untouched by human intervention, with their “downy, smooth petals and moistened lips pouting in the direction of tautly curved shafts and heavily veined pouches.” Whatever your sphere or specialty is, Aquarius, I suggest you model yourself after the wild orchid collectors in the coming days. Shun the stigma of perfection.
I don’t really believe in astrology per say but found this interesting. Maybe the cosmic forces are trying to tell me something?
“I hope your dreams take you… to the corners of your smiles, to the highest of your hopes, to the windows of your opportunities, and to the most special places your heart has ever known.” ~ Unknown
I have no great pearls of wisdom for you my darling daughter on your 18th birthday in less than two days. I can tell you this,that when you were born into this world you brought joy and beauty with you. Your laughter is the sweetest, your natural gifts are amazing and you are one of the most beautiful creatures nature ever created. I feel lucky to be your mother, I feel graced for having been the one fortunate enough to give you life, and I feel pride at the beautiful young woman I see before me….Pearls of wisdom…I have none, just a loving wish from me to you that each new day will blossom more beautiful than the last and that you will have happiness and find that great path in life leading you to your greatest expectations.
happy Birthday Kira…………………Love your mom