Yeah, I know I drink a lot, I know I do because I’m a writer and that’s what I do, I drink. I’m not like those people out there, I can control myself! I can, if – that – if I wanted to, I could, if I wanted. I can! I can!~Gwen Cummings, “28 Days“
I had almost, not quite, but almost forgotten that it was my 60 days. 2 months, sobriety birthday yresterday. I almost forgot because I have been too busy being sober. I know that may sound crazy, but it’s really not. What is crazy is the amount of years, months, days, minutes and seconds I wasted of my life drinking into a dark hole. I can’t believe how busy my life has become since I put the bottle away for good. My music has taken a precedence in my life, I’m accomplishing more than I ever could have believed was possible. One night of my life a week is dedicated to “sober” night. It’s an open jam that I host on Tuesday nights at a coffee house and we get a huge turn out from my friends in AA and it gets bigger and better every week. We are getting more bookings than ever and now, by the grace of my sobriety we are booked to play at “John Doe’s” for a two hour acoustic gig in mid September. After that we have the Indian Creek Festival. I also have the distinct honor of representing my family and our Welsh heritage at the Scottish festival, where all the Celtic nations are represented. My grandparents would be so incredibly proud. I owe all of this to my persistence in remaining sober, the love and support of my beautiful husband and my wonderful family. Thank goodness I am a stubborn person. The very quality that makes me an obstinate person is also the same quality that saved my life. For that I am grateful!
Make the best use of what is in your power and take the rest as it happens. Epictetus
I found that the biggest part of my enjoyment and serenity yesterday cam from my sheer and open lack of expectations for what the day may bring. We played a gig last night with a drummer and bass player that we had never played with before and it went really great! It was as if we had always played together. The people who came to see us had a great time, as did I. Who could ask for more?!
- until the next breath ~ (missrosen.wordpress.com)
“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.”~Buddha
I have so many things that could upset me today, so many things that I could try and control today, so many things that could upset the balance of my universe. I refuse. I refuse to allow outside disturbances to put me on a path that does not lead to peace. Peace of mind and peace of heart. Pure peace and that alone shall stand. Yesterday my sunflowers needed to be cut down, they had been attacked by earwigs and were sickly looking. Yet, even though they looked sick, upon closer inspection I could see that they still bore the fruits of their labors. They were loaded with sunflower seeds. So, in apology for their early demise, I cut them down and offered the sunflower heads to the birdies and the squirrels. After all they might as well give their fruits back to nature. Much like life, some thing or some one may look sickly on the outside, however; if you look deep enough you can find the seeds of good offering themselves up for sharing and giving back in a spirit of peace and good will.
My Sunflower Heads
The final wisdom of life requires not the annulment of incongruity but the achievement of serenity within and above it. Reinhold Niebuhr
This is my drawing of my place of serenity. On Sunday when I met with my sponge (sponsor) Jules for the first time this is where I went when I was having such a hard day the night before. Saturday was filled with triggers and hurt and I needed a place to go to work through my thoughts and get back in balance with nature and myself. Meeting with Jules was such a blessing, everything just melted away from me. I call her a sponge because I am her spongee and I plan on sucking everything I can out of her, and she is full of all kinds of great wisdom for sobriety. I have so much to be grateful for and in the last month I have begun to see the things and people that were there before me, just waiting for me to open up my eyes and see. They were always there with open arms, all I had to do was be willing to walk into the embrace. It’s amazing how alcohol clouds your vision, blurs your mind and makes you numb. In the beginning isn’t that what all alcoholics seek, blindness and a numbing and dulling of the senses? We don’t want to see, we don’t want to feel. You just don’t realize until you quit, and I mean really quit, how much you have missed.