I Shouldn’t Fight Back….

To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop fighting. e. e. cummings

That is probably the most perfect quote I have ever heard or seen! That’s all I have to say for this day. On that note I leave you with These Eyes by The Guess Who the song that breaks my heart the most….

Insecurities Suck LMAO….

Marriage brings up all the things I pushed to the back burner – the fears, the mistrust, the doubts, the insecurities. It’s like opening Pandora’s box. Jennifer Aniston

Ok I am in a very talkative mood so lets run with it. Before I start this let me be CLEAR. I AM NOT fishing for compliments! I am simply stating how I feel on a regular basis OK so don’t send me back a bunch of responses that say something to the effect of “No, you are great”, “You are beautiful” blah blah blah…I am just telling you straight out how I usually feel OK.

1. I usually feel pretty unattractive on a daily basis
2. Sitting in front of a band is intimidating and scares the crap out of me
3. I realize that my head is too full of shit
4. sometimes I speak out about things that upset me and I should just keep my mouth shut
5. I feel how I feel about certain political and social issues and I should just learn to keep my mouth shut because I piss ppl off like Jobydopr, he’ll never speak to me again
6. speaking your mind is not always a good thing
7. It pisses me off that I can’t speak my mind without mortally wounding someone like Jobydopr
8. I am insecure’
9. I hate my voice
10. I hurt ppl unintentionally because I have a really bad streak of being far too honest
11. I am a mean person in spirit, hence the reason I am trying to be Buddhist and failing
12. ppl have fucked me over so my mind set is if you’re gonna Fuck me, Fuck you back
13. I hate my voice, did I say that. I hate the way I sing. The only reason I sing is because I started when I was 3 and I can’t seem to stop
14. Did I mention that I hate the way I sing and I hate the sound of my own voice. The only reason I play music at all is because it was a great release emotionally from being abused as a kid
15. I hate the sound of my own voice and being a writer is such a relief cuz I don’t have to listen to my own voice, which I said I hate BTW.
16. Sometimes I wish I would have chosen a different path, like being an accountant or some shit. It sux being a musician. You are always different, no matter how much you try to meld, YOU never do.
17. I hate myself, that’s a big one. Yes I hate my life and I hate me. That’s the big one! I hate being a musicians, whyt couldn;t I have just been a fat woman knitting sweaters?????
18. Being a musician, a true musician sux ass
19. I hate the fact that I am never good enough
20. I hate me!

With that I leave you with about how I feel most of the time 

Thinking is the Enemy….

Don’t think. Thinking is the enemy of creativity. It’s self-conscious, and anything self-conscious is lousy. You can’t try to do things. You simply must do things. Ray Bradbury 

Good Morning! I wanted to share with you the thoughts behind creativity. One of the hardest things I face right now as a musician, vocalist first, rhythm guitar player second, is the fact that I am married to a lead guitar player. Now why would that be a difficulty. Weeeellllllll, it’s like this. He loves my vocals but absolutely hates my guitar playing. He gets frustrated with me because I refuse to listen to him…LOL 🙂 It’s not that I don’t want to, it’s just that when I am playing a song I tend to play it on the guitar more like I feel it rather than by the structured “rules” of guitar playing. I don’t mean to do it, I really don’t mean to break the “rules”,  it’s just that when I am singing and playing rhythm guitar my guitar tends to pattern the rhythm after what is happening with the vocals. He has said that my rhythm patterns are too much alike. I don’t think so, I know that there is a definitive difference between the way I played guitar 10 years ago. Hell, to me there is a vast difference between just 6 months ago. My rhythm guitar playing skills is probably the biggest challenge I face as a musician today. I want to give you an example. The song I have been talking about, Dac’w Nghariad, is incredibly difficult. First it’s sung in Welsh, secondly it’s such a pretty song that as a musician you just don’t want to trash it. In just a moment I am going to play the song for you so you can see what I am up against. At any rate, even after playing this song for about 6 months I am STILL intimidated by it on the vocals and on the guitar. I don’t pick the song like you will hear in the video, I simply play the rhythm, but it’s incredibly hard. There is SO much going on with the vocals, and not just in the fact that it is sung in Welsh. I don;t know if a person who is not a musician can understand what I am referring to so let me see if I can put this in perspective for the non-musician out there. It’s like trying to iron a dress and at the same time use your foot to rock a babies crib in time with a lullaby and have a phone ringing in the background that you desperately want to answer but if you put the iron down the dress will burn and if you stop rocking the cradle the baby will cry. It’s that crazy LOL. I don;t know if that makes sense to you, but here is the song and maybe just by hearing it you can understand the difficulty. You know who’s opinion I really want on this is Bumba. Anyway, with that I leave you with Dac’w Nghariad, which BTW means “there is my love” in Welsh…..

 

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