It’s been a LONG ride and a slow journey. I know I used to come on here everyday and talk about inconsequential stuff but things have taken a turn and I’m exhausted. Thank you to everyone that has been supportive over the last couple of years, I adore you all.
You don’t have to be a slave to live in a prison. Right now I am living in a world full of imprisonment. My husband needs and expects me to drive him everywhere and I highly suspect that if he had his driver’s license he wouldn’t even be with me. My mother is so F’d up on meds she can hardly drive so I am expected to do it. I can’t do or be who I want to be because I am torn down by my mother and my husband and now my daughter is having issues. Frankly I wish I could just be alone without everyone expecting something from me. I don’t get to be my own person, EVER! I am so sick of people expecting shit out of me it’s no wonder I want to just be free to be me, but I don’t know who that is anymore! I would seriously like to tell everyone to fuck off and leave me alone~!!!@!!!!
- Harriet Tubman (telcomcorp.wordpress.com)
You would not even begin to believe what I did yesterday. I got the front of my house finished and we had a Mother’s Day BBQ resplendant with good company, good food, and good fun! Michael cooked the burgers and I did the chicken and we hung out with my daughter Kira and her other 1/2 Isaiah, VJ and her other 1/2 Dave, My Mom and Mike, my BF Donna and of course my Rose Bud. It was a beautiful day and we had so much fun. After the BBQ was over I went and spent some quality time with my BFF Donna and I made her go swimming in the pond with me. It was GREAT!!!!!!! Life, my friends is very good right now!!!!!!!!!! :)
Did you know that for every moment, every emotion you feel there is a song….Jaz
I don’t feel in touch with anything. Everything feels unnatural to me. The lights seem brighter, the darkness more black/ I feel more tired. I held your bear and I listened to it, but it sounds more like the batteries are dead, like you. It doesn’t have the same life or vivacity that it once did. Part of me is gone, gone forever just like Joey, Emmy, Yukee and Heday. You weren’t supposed to leave me. Dan is having a hard time, he is lost and doesn’t know what to do. I wish I could make you come back.
I really have to stop being such a bitch. I don’t know how to stop being such a shithead. I told my husband to go F himself and I really didn’t want to I just can’t seem to stop myself. When everything is messed up I have a tendancy to pick on ppl that r close to me. I suck ass………..
I wish I could be all sunshine and flowers for you but life just doesn’t work that way. I adore you all and I am trying my best to be smiley, but at the end of the day I am crying.
I am in a crisis and I don’t think I realize it yet. I know I’m falling apart, I see little bits and pieces of me lying around and don’t quite know how to pick them up and put them back into place. Here a piece, there a piece, everywhere a piece piece. I talk to people everyday and act like everything is ok but it’s not. I am in pain and there aren’t enough showers to wash everything away. There is a huge part of me that wants to be left alone…………..and yet, and yet…I’m a suffocating flower, suffocating under Mom’s thumb, Michael’s thumb. Everyone wants a piece of me, when do I get a piece of myself????
Yes my friends, it has finally happened! I have lost my mind. I’m not entirely sure where it went, but if you see a gray mound of jelly wandering around could you give it back please. It doesn’t have any ID. It doesn’t know exactly where it’s supposed to be, it’s only lost gray matter wandering aimlessly. If you happen to find my mind please ring the doorbell and run, as fast as you can, because as soon as my mind comes back I have no idea what’s going to happen. Ever since Gracie died I have not been myself, you know that saying you never know what you have until it’s gone. Well, believe me it stands true. I have only been functioning on about 1 piston since she left. I can’t focus on much, although I try. I miss her so much and just knowing she is gone makes life that much less brighter…Sorry, I don’t mean to ruminate. I just feel so much more alone than I did a week ago.
With that I leave you with Dokken…..
“You’ve got to follow your passion. You’ve got to figure out what it is you love–who you really are. And have the courage to do that. I believe that the only courage anybody ever needs is the courage to follow your own dream.” Oprah Winfrey
Well, it is back to Business as usual. I am playing tonight at The Crescent Brewery with a new Lead/fill guitar player that I hired, Bill. I hope everything works out and we have a really good turnout. Things have been so busy this month that I have only had time to add in one new song, “I Don’t Want to Know” by Fleetwood Mac. This month I promised myself that I would try to add in som more Celtic/Welsh tunes and some other stuff. I have gone back to work as a professional house painter and have been working with Joe Rubens and hios crew. So far it is going well. I like the crew and am having fun with them. Other than that life is pretty good my friends! With that I leave you with Fleetwood Mac…
- Stevie Nicks Talks Post – ‘Rumours’ Breakup With Oprah (947thewave.cbslocal.com)
Today is Gracie’s funeral and even as I sit writing this the tears are pouring from my eyes. It is so hard to say good-bye. In this life I have very few friends that I am really close to, I have a lot of aquaintainces, but maybe a handful of people that are so close to me they know me better than I know myself. Gracie was just like that, she would call me on my BS when she knew I was wrong and she always supported me, as a friend and with my music and art. She would never leave my house or hers, or anywhere for that matter without getting a hug from me, she demanded it and for her I would gladly give it. The fact of the matter is I don’t want to say good-bye, I don’t want her to be gone. I want to hear her funny laughter, I want to hear her voice, I want to look into her eyes. I know that she is not feeling any pain anymore, In know her body is finally at rest that was, in the end ravaged by diabetes and numerous strokes. For that I am grateful, I would never want for her to continue suffering and in Grace’s own way she left this Earth when she knew it was her time. Grace will forever hold a special place in my heart and in my soul. She may be gone but she will never, ever be forgotten.
Aquarius Horoscope for week of April 25, 2013
“I prefer by far warmth and softness to mere brilliancy and coldness,” wrote Anais Nin one of her early diaries. “Some people remind me of sharp dazzling diamonds. Valuable but lifeless and loveless. Others, of the simplest field flowers, with hearts full of dew and with all the tints of celestial beauty reflected in their modest petals.” I suspect that even if you normally love cold brilliancy, Aquarius, you will need an abundance of warmth and softness in the coming days. To attract the best possible embodiments of this influence, get clear about your favorite forms of it. Be picky! Don’t accept sloppy sentimentality.
Plant orchids on a strip-mined hill. Sip holy water blessed by a smart teenage girl. Bear in mind that you are the Chosen One, and so is everyone else.
Yesterday was an absolutely wonderful day. My daughter showed up extra early to help me work on the house so after B-fast we got right to it. We spent the day listening to music and laughing and talking. She did great with the scraping and caulking while I cut in the trim around the picture window and facia. After we went grocery shopping and she stayed for dinner. Here are the results of our labor….
I am happy and can’t wait for the whole thing to be done, and then it’s on to the interior. With that I leave you with the Beatles…
- GE GE22566 Max 1000 Siliconized Acrylic Window and Door Caulk, 10.1 oz Cartridge, White (Case of 12) (bernadettea1enriquetaa1579a.wordpress.com)
- How to Paint a House – Prime, Caulk and Paint (planitdiy.com)
- Letting the Beatles Serenade Me (onthehomefrontandbeyond.wordpress.com)
- Weatherproofing Your Way to a Warmer Winter (allstate.com)
A little while, and my longing shall gather dust and foam for another body.
A little while, a moment of rest upon the wind, and another woman shall bear me.
Farewell to you and the youth I have spent with you.
It was but yesterday we met in a dream.
You have sung to me in my aloneness, and I of your longings have built a tower in the sky.
But now our sleep has fled and our dream is over, and it is no longer dawn.
The noontide is upon us and our half waking has turned to fuller day, and we must part.
If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more, we shall speak again together and you shall sing to me a deeper song.
And if our hands should meet in another dream, we shall build another tower in the sky.
I finished making the poster for Gracie’s Funeral and Celebration of her life. It is for everyone who wants to to sign and then I am going to have it framed to give to Dan, her husband. The poem at the right hand corner is posted above. I was asked to put topgether two songs for the funeral for her by me so I decided on “Landslide” and “Nights in White Satin”. I am going to miss her so very much….
Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shallbegin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance. Kahlil Gibran
I don’t even know where to start this blog today. One of my dearest friends and my daughter’s God-Mother passed on Wednesday night from most likely a stroke. I got the news yesterday afternoon and I am still in shock I think. I have gone through the tears, the rage, the pain and the sadness. Gracie was sucha beautiful person and had the most giving spirit. In the 24 years I have known her she was an unfailing friend and even when we got mad at each other we always worked it out and maintained our friendship. Gracie was the kind of person who could make you laugh, make you so mad that you just could spit nails, she loved to give and was always giving me special gifts. The very last thing she gave me was a singing bear. I have to go through today to scan pictures of her for the wake, my friend Brenda is coming by to help me with it. Here are the last pictures of her from last Christmas and I believe I told everyone then that she was not doing well. All I can tell you is that my heart is broken and I hurt…I will leave you with Terry Jacks….
“The trouble with our age is that it is all signpost and no destination,” said writer Louis Kronenberger. I’m concerned that you may have fallen under the sway of this kind of myopia, Aquarius. A steady stream of useful tips and clues has been appearing, but you’re missing some of them. Your long-range goals aren’t sufficiently clear, so you don’t always recognize the significance of new revelations. Here’s the cure: In your imagination, create a vivid picture of your next big destination.
The Maasai people of Kenya don’t have running water, toilets, or electricity, and their per capita income is $300 a year. They use cattle dung as plaster in building their homes because the scent helps repel lions, which dislike it, from venturing too close. And yet they are as happy with their lives as Forbes’ magazine’s “400 richest Americans” are with theirs — even though the latter may live in 10,000-square-foot palaces withstained glass windows, French patio doors, limestone kitchen counter tops, spas, wine cellars, and Olympic-sized swimming pools.
This assertion comes from “Beyond Money: Toward an Economy of Well-Being,” a report done by psychologists Ed Diener and Martin E. P. Seligman. On a scale of 1 to 7, where 1 is “extremely dissatisfied,” 4 is “neutral,” and 7 means “extremely satisfied,” the Maasai, the Inuit of northern Greenland, and the wealthiest Americans all scored 5.8.
I can not believe I did it, but I did and I am so proud of my self! I was waiting and waiting for Aron to send me the Welsh translation of the song I wrote called “No Feeling” and he never sent me the full translation. Soooooooooo, I found a web site that translates for you. It is done, including pronunciations, which took me 2 hours by itself. It does no good to write the words down if you can’t sing them properly. Well, it’s done! It is now called “Dim Taymlad”. The only thing I haven’t done is sat down and actually played/sang it in Welsh, which I will do tomorrow. I am so happy, and I am even more pleased that I did it myself. The real test comes when I sing it in public, hopefully someone won’t come and tell me I have been singing about a cow in the barn that needs milked LOL:) It was a great day my friends…..WEEEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee :)
With that I leave you with Jimmy Cliff….
My wonderful friend at Hope The Happy Hugger gave me a brilliant idea! Her topic today was Lists. I made a list of my 5 goals for the near future and on this list was to finish my “Dream Scape”. I have been working on this collage for a little over a year now. How it works is that when I have a dream that sticks with me after I wake up I write it down in my journal and if the images are somehow strange or disturbing I find magazine and newspaper clipping or draw images of the dream and add them to my “Dream Scape” collage. Some of my dreams include numbers or words so I write the words in an anagram so as not to betray anyon that I may dream about. I had stopped doing it for a bit, but I have found that it’s time for me to move on to another piece of work. So, my friends, it is my goal to finish up the “Dream Scape” in the next month because I have other ideas swirling around in this busy mind of mine. Here is the pic of the “Dream Scape” as it sits today. I will post more as I add more images to the collage….
With that I leave you with Yngwie Malmsteen….
- Edgar Allan Poe Museum (dondresdenphotography.wordpress.com)
- Edgar Allan Poe and how his Works & Poems Influenced my writing and My Life (shanesbookblog.com)
- The Passive Aggressive Raven (neatorama.com)
- The Mystery of Edgar Allan Poe [Biography A&E] (learnalltheway.wordpress.com)
- Edgar Allan Poe (fashionmayann.wordpress.com)
Go with the flow!-Ancient Hippy Saying
The wind is really blowing today so I will be spending my day indoors. I feel like I can accomplish a lot today! I am going to spend my day working on music today and making a lasagna, YUM!!!!!!!!!! My friend in Wales, Aron Elias, is sending me the translation of a song I wrote into Welsh from English and i am looking forward to hear what it sounds like in Welsh. I am also going to spend today translating Llongau Caernarfon back in to Welsh. So those are my plans for the day. I hope this day finds you happy and well :) With that I leave you with Simon and Garfunkel…
- Hippies and other Groovy Pontifications (politicsandabsurdity.wordpress.com)
- +Groovy Stuff Teak Wood Sierra Seat – 24 Inches – Tf-648-24 (groovystuffteakwoodsierram6sale.wordpress.com)
- !Molly ‘N Me Groovy Peace Sleeping Bag (mollymegroovypeacesleepingc3sale.wordpress.com)
As you may know I am in the process of repainting my poor old house. I am doing it alone so I have to do it in small chunks, which means scraping and prepping first, then going back and painting the body. The very last thing I will do is the trim. Here is the right front 1/3 of the house. The colors on the trim on the window sill are the test colors. We have decided to go with the green on the left. Here are the before and after pics….
“Dost thou love life? Then do not squander time, for that’s the stuff life is made of.” ― Benjamin Franklin
The weather was not cooperating yesterday, so the only thing I accomplished was to secure a PT/FT job with a local house painter. It was completely unnessesary for me to get a job, but I wanted to have a little something extra to achieve some personal goals over the next few months. The writing has been slow the last two weeks and the only other thing on my plate really is working on the acoustic project. I found a Fleetwood Mac song that I am going to do called “I Don’t Want To Know” and I have asked a friend of mine to translate a song I wrote into Welsh for me. The only other thing is I am translating Llongau Caernarfon back from English to Welsh. It’s beautiful outside so I am taking mom to get her haircut and then I think we are going to go to lunch. After that it’s back into the painter’s whites I go, I roll, I roll, it’s painting the house I roll….LOL :) With that I leave you with FM…..
- To carpe diem or not to carpe diem…that is the question. (michellelarking.wordpress.com)
- Carpe Diem (endingapathy.wordpress.com)
- Carpe Diem (chiyodreams.wordpress.com)
Well the first 1/3 of the front has been scraped, caulked and puttied. I am just getting ready to cut in the trim, etc…. I’m just waiting for it to warm up outside. Then after I get done with all the cutting in my baby will get it’s first 2 coats of fresh paint that it has seen in probably 20 years. The hardest part of a job like this is all the prep work. The painting goes fast. I have chosen a hunter green for the trim color and can’t wait to see how she looks when she’s all done! :)
Boy am I ever slow………………But, I thought I would share some of the pictures from the Easter Sunday we spent at Mike’s nephew, Paul’s house. I never get a break from cooking dinner so this was a nice treat….
I Love This Song….My Addition to Dolly’s Music Passion Game and of course you have to love the Muppets! :)
Well, after speaking with Brother Bob, my bass player from Cymry, I have decided to keep the acoustic project going. Just because things went wrong for EZ Street there is no reason that I shouldn’t keep my solo project going. After he talked me through it he said for me not to give up on myself, and I won’t. Thank you Brother Bob!