Happy New Year to all of my wonderful, beautiful friends here at WordPress!!! I love each of you. Everyday, the very best part of my day is to get up with my coffee and read your blogs. Each and everyday that you have posted you have let me into your hearts and homes for a brief moment in time and it has been such a joy. I don’t have enough room to mention every single one of you, but you know how you are, I have liked your words and thoughts and have even shared some of my thoughts with each of you. There have been happy times and, yes, there have been tears. There have been times that I have been driven to anger and times I have been driven to laughter, and through it all you have all been there at my side, and shared with me when I was wrong. For that I love each and everyone of you! Have a beautiful 2013 and I hope to share more with you as the next year rolls by. I will try to post a vlog later for you if I have time!
On that note I leave you with The Greatest Jazz Singer in my book, Miss Billie Holliday…
Here is our Xmas card to everyone. I wanted to thank all my friends at WordPress that have been following my blog, every like, every response, and every bit of feedback I have gotten from everyone over the last year has meant the world to me! Your warm responses have only helped me to grow as a person, to learn more about my own nature and helped me to be able to pay forward my kind thoughts and wishes to you all. Rosie and I hope that each and every one of you finds yourself happy, healthy and surrounded by loved ones, not just for the holidays, but for always! Much Love to you all, Jaz and Rosie
I am not a big poetry fan, however, Kahlil Gibran is one of my favorites, so much so that I read his poem “On Love” as part of my wedding vows. On that note I wanted to share his poem “On Giving” with you for Christmas.
On Giving Kahlil Gibran
You give but little when you give of your possessions. It is when you give of yourself that you truly give. For what are your possessions but things you keep and guard for fear you may need them tomorrow? And tomorrow, what shall tomorrow bring to the overprudent dog burying bones in the trackless sand as he follows the pilgrims to the holy city? And what is fear of need but need itself? Is not dread of thirst when your well is full, the thirst that is unquenchable?
There are those who give little of the much which they have–and they give it for recognition and their hidden desire makes their gifts unwholesome. And there are those who have little and give it all. These are the believers in life and the bounty of life, and their coffer is never empty. There are those who give with joy, and that joy is their reward. And there are those who give with pain, and that pain is their baptism. And there are those who give and know not pain in giving, nor do they seek joy, nor give with mindfulness of virtue; They give as in yonder valley the myrtle breathes its fragrance into space. Through the hands of such as these God speaks, and from behind their eyes He smiles upon the earth.
It is well to give when asked, but it is better to give unasked, through understanding; And to the open-handed the search for one who shall receive is joy greater than giving. And is there aught you would withhold? All you have shall some day be given; Therefore give now, that the season of giving may be yours and not your inheritors’.
You often say, “I would give, but only to the deserving.” The trees in your orchard say not so, nor the flocks in your pasture. They give that they may live, for to withhold is to perish. Surely he who is worthy to receive his days and his nights, is worthy of all else from you. And he who has deserved to drink from the ocean of life deserves to fill his cup from your little stream. And what desert greater shall there be, than that which lies in the courage and the confidence, nay the charity, of receiving? And who are you that men should rend their bosom and unveil their pride, that you may see their worth naked and their pride unabashed? See first that you yourself deserve to be a giver, and an instrument of giving. For in truth it is life that gives unto life while you, who deem yourself a giver, are but a witness.
And you receivers… and you are all receivers… assume no weight of gratitude, lest you lay a yoke upon yourself and upon him who gives. Rather rise together with the giver on his gifts as on wings; For to be over-mindful of your debt, is to doubt his generosity who has the free-hearted earth for mother, and God for father.
It’s hard to believe that I started this blog almost a year ago. I started writing this blog on New Year’s Eve 2011 and as it almost dawns on New Year’s Eve 2012 I was thinking back at the amazing amount of changes that have occurred in our lives over the last year. When I started this blog Michael and I had just gotten back together after a forced separation due to legal circumstances. We almost broke up several times at the beginning of 2012 and, in fact, I almost left him and he almost left me more than once. We both struggled with bouts of alcoholism, me more than him. We went through the AA program together and are stronger for it. This last year I have hit some of my darkest nights and yet at other times I have seen some of my brightest days. In the last year we have lost “friends” to betrayal and back stabbing, we have lost musician friends, but at the end of the day our relationship has grown stronger through all the trials and tribulations. We have grown closer as friends and our love has grown deeper. We have managed to regain something through our music, that something special that has always been the glue that held us together.
During the last year I gained some of the lost time with my daughter and grown closer than ever to my mother. I have become a better rhythm guitar player and taught myself to sing in Welsh. I have learned more about myself as a musician in the last year than I have in 42 years of life. We have played some really fantastic gigs over the last year, and have many more to come. I moved up in the writing world from being an internet writer to writing for a real magazine and making my worth for the articles I write. My photography editing skills are getting better and better and I am continuing to work on my dream collage. I have no idea when, if ever that will be finished. It’s an ever evolving dream journal in images.
I have seen friendships end and new friendships sprout. I have also seen friendships that I thought were dead in the water re-sprout with new life of forgiveness and understanding. With each dying flower a new one sprouts in its place, a more beautiful one I believe, richer in color and smell. At the end of the day, and almost year, life is very good. It is as hard as it ever was, but we are happy, and I know that come what may Michael and I will continue to grow together, to love together, and to perform together. Life is very good my friends!
With that I leave you with The Supremes and the beautiful Diana Ross…
Don’t cry when the sun is gone, because the tears won’t let you see the stars. Violeta Parra
We had a falling out, Donna and I did. We both did some stupid things to each other that caused a friendship of over 27 years to fall away, awash in mistrust and lies. We really stopped our friendship about a year ago and I won’t go into the reasons why here, it’s irrelevant. Needless to say, we have finally forgiven each other. It took some time and some work, but we are friends once again. Yes, we have renewed our friendship but there is a certain amount of trust that has been shattered and can’t ever be retrieved. No matter what I can always forgive, but I will never forget, I can’t, the pain is still too fresh, too new. So, we are friends at arms length. Is it good to have her back in my life, I don;t know yet…..That remains to be seen. On the other hand, my best friend, Brian (Boo), who is my daughter’s Godfather, pretty much blew me off. We were supposed to go do something together while he was here from Pocatello and we didn’t. He stopped in to see me for like a 1/2 hour on Tuesday and that was it. He has gone back home now. I had asked him to stick around and come see us play tonight at The Gathering Place, but he wanted to be home yesterday. It hurts that he didn’t make more time for me. Ci est la vie.
Mr. Mojo Risin’, Mr. Mojo Risin’ , Got to keep on risin’ ~Jim Morrison
I finally got my Mojo in sync with the balance of the universe. Things have chilled out and gelled as I said they would. I finally have some time to catch up on the things I have been missing the last few months, good grief I even had time to create a new blog called EZ Street A Day in the Life. What is wrong with me, LOL. Life is very good. I am having the time of my life getting in touch with my musical nature and meeting some very cool cats along the way. Of course there is always the good with the bad, life wouldn’t be balanced without bad vs good, but overall I am a lucky woman indeed. I have a husband who loves me and I am surrounded and blessed with some of the most supportive and loving friends a person could chose to have, including my wonderful blogging buddies here at WordPress. The other great thing that happened recently was that I thought my camera was hopelessly broken and it turns out that it just happens to be very picky about your choice of batteries, so very soon I will be posting more pics. Well enough joy and flowers today, it’s time to get to work…..Much peace and love my friends and if you have time stop by my new blog and say hello. I love hearing from you!
“The far away, the very far, the farthest, I have found only in my own blood,” said poet Antonio Porchia. Let’s make that thought your keynote, Aquarius. Your assignment will be to search for what’s most exotic and unknown, but only in the privacy of your own heart, not out in the great wide world. For now at least, the inner realm is the location of the laboratory where the most useful experiments will unfold. Borrowing from novelist Carole Maso, I leave you with this: “Make love to the remoteness in yourself.” When they say “Be yourself,” which self do they mean? Certainly not the self that wants to win every game and use up every resource and stand alone at the end of time on a mountain of pretty garbage.
Thank your mother for the pain she endured while birthing you.
For three minutes on the first Friday of every month, close your eyes and imagine yourself riding a wild horse through a cemetery.
Fantasize that your so-called “dark side” is sweet and creamy.
When you come home after a day of triumphs, take out the garbage.
Dream you’re a red-tailed hawk soaring over a shopping mall.
Forgive yourself for the blindness that put you in the path of those who betrayed you.
Buy seven used gowns worn to the Academy Awards show by famous actresses, and send them gratis to seven Guatemalan teenagers.
Visualize two versions of yourself, one male and one female, holding hands as they gaze into a reflection of the moon on a river.
There’s a certain lesson in love that you have been studying and studying and studying — and yet have never quite mastered. Several different teachers have tried with only partial success to provide you with insights that would allow you to graduate to the next level of romantic understanding. That’s the bad news, Aquarius. The good news is that all this could change in the coming months. I foresee a breakthrough in your relationship with intimacy. I predict benevolent jolts and healing shocks that will allow you to learn at least some of the open-hearted truths that have eluded you all this time.
I am so guilty of this relationship infraction! I know that many women complain about lack of intimacy in their relationships with their spouses or better 1/2’s. I, on the other hand, hate being smothered. I love my space and I am guilty of not being the most affectionate person in the world. Don’t get the wrong impression, my husband and I touch each other and laugh and hug and kiss, but man I hate being suffocated. My husband fits me just perfect because he gives me hugs and kisses and loves. No, we don’t spoon at night and if we do it’s brief. I have one friend that has finally pushed me to the limits of our friendship. Every time he sees me he is always trying to hug me and I finally got to the point where I don’t even want to see him anymore because he’s always trying to put his hands on me and it makes my skin crawl. He thinks I am mad at him, and I guess in a way I am because I have told him to stop trying to hug up on me and he didn’t understand that he is an over whelming bear of a person that is overly affectionate. I really didn’t intend upon hurting his feeling, but “Hello!”, boundaries! I just hope my husband doesn’t feel that I am not affectionate enough….hmmmmm?
Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall. Confucius
Ok let’s just get this out of the way right now. I fell off the wagon. Don’t ask me to explain how or why it happened, because I honestly don’t know. Am I blaming some one or some thing, hell no! I did this all alone. However, the cool thing is I have my program and all my friends rallied around me to brush off the dust and apply ointment to the skid marks. I am still loved. It’s great to be an alcoholic because I have a village of Indians that stopped to see what fell off the wagon and rallied together to see what they could do with it….Yes, I can laugh because I may have fallen but I am not down for the count. I am loved and for today I am happy and sober.
Friends are like roses…you have to look out for the pricks!~ Anonymous.
Even before I finally became sober I was slowly eliminating “bad” friends out of my life. It was a long process, sometimes they just didn’t want to let go, but in order for me to maintain my sobriety I had to let them go. The first ones to go were the ones that enabled my drinking the most with their own drinking habits, these were actually the easiest. The ones that were closest to me were the hardest to let go of because they are the ones that hurt me the worse. One “friend”, the one I thought that loved me most betrayed me in such a way that I will never be able to forgive them. This person had gotten sober and found “god” but they didn’t eliminate some of their worse traits and I inadvertently found out that this person was never really a true friend in the first place because they went after something very close to my heart and tried to take it for their own when I was going through a very rough patch in my life. This same person has been trying to get back into my life, but what they don’t realize is that once they betrayed me in that way there is no hope whatever that they will ever get back into my life ever again.
Then there is this “friend” that had helped me out through a very rough patch in my life. I thought that they were being a “friend”. It wasn’t until after I was quite a ways into my sobriety that it came to me that they weren’t really a friend at all. This person had kept enabling me in my drinking, even though I had been telling them for months that I wanted to quit, that I needed to quit, that my life depended on my quitting. I finally realized how caustic this person really was and is. I finally told them to stay away from me, not to call me, and I explained to them that every time I saw them it took me right back to that bad place I was in just a few short months ago and I needed them to stay away from me because the memories were far too painful. I told this person that if I saw them I would turn and walk the other way because just simply by their presence it reminded me of the pit of hell I was in and it was hurtful to my sobriety.
Fortunately now I have a whole new group of friends that are loving and sober and working on the same goals that I am. They are supportive and have been with me since the first day I met them on our paths to sobriety. With friends like that who needs the trash of old enabling friendships sticking around with its stench and flies buzzing incessantly around.
Yeah, I know I drink a lot, I know I do because I’m a writer and that’s what I do, I drink. I’m not like those people out there, I can control myself! I can, if – that – if I wanted to, I could, if I wanted. I can! I can!~Gwen Cummings, “28 Days“
I had almost, not quite, but almost forgotten that it was my 60 days. 2 months, sobriety birthday yresterday. I almost forgot because I have been too busy being sober. I know that may sound crazy, but it’s really not. What is crazy is the amount of years, months, days, minutes and seconds I wasted of my life drinking into a dark hole. I can’t believe how busy my life has become since I put the bottle away for good. My music has taken a precedence in my life, I’m accomplishing more than I ever could have believed was possible. One night of my life a week is dedicated to “sober” night. It’s an open jam that I host on Tuesday nights at a coffee house and we get a huge turn out from my friends in AA and it gets bigger and better every week. We are getting more bookings than ever and now, by the grace of my sobriety we are booked to play at “John Doe’s” for a two hour acoustic gig in mid September. After that we have the Indian Creek Festival. I also have the distinct honor of representing my family and our Welsh heritage at the Scottish festival, where all the Celtic nations are represented. My grandparents would be so incredibly proud. I owe all of this to my persistence in remaining sober, the love and support of my beautiful husband and my wonderful family. Thank goodness I am a stubborn person. The very quality that makes me an obstinate person is also the same quality that saved my life. For that I am grateful!
We had our usual Tuesday night jam last night and it was by far the best since we have started doing this. We are fortunate to have a family that opened a great little eclectic coffee shop called “The Bird Stop” in our town and he is so supportive of the local music scene and local musicians. We had a great turn out of people that just came to listen and many who came to play. All of the musicians are “floating”, in other words they are bands that are almost formed, just missing a player or two. I had a couple of girls get up on stage with me, girls that were afraid and had never been on stage before and both did a great job. Kym got up and played “Unchain My Heart” on the harp and Rachel got up and sang “Dreams” with me. It takes a lot to get up on stage if your not used to it, hell it takes a lot even if you are used to it. The crowd was warm and receptive and they all know this is a jam, so things go wrong and the music isn’t perfectly tight, nevertheless, they show their appreciation with their hearts and love. What more could a musician ask for?
What an amazing week this has been! As some of you may know this is the week we celebrated our wedding anniversary. Yesterday we all got together at Memorial Park and had a sausage dog roast with all the kitchen sink fixings. We got a couple of really great cards!
Michael is so very sweet and loving, He got me this card and these beautiful roses for our anniversary:
We were fortunate enough to have a great bunch of people join us for our celebration:
I got some really great and unexpected gifts! I got this new/used camera that took all these wonderful pictures, and I got my old guitar back, the story of the Cosmic Boomerang Guitar explains it all.
All in all it has been a wonderful week to say the least!
“Knowing you will be with me in all my tomorrows, makes my today so wonderful.”
Today is the day! It is our 8 year wedding anniversary and all the preparations are made. I spent the day yesterday slicing and dicing, cooking and cleaning. I so want everything to be perfect, just for today. We are having a sausage dog roast at the park near our house and spending it with the people near and dear to us, many of whom we just met in the recent months of our journey to sobriety. I love these people because of the unconditional love and joy they share in their own sobriety that helps me and mine stay sober day by day. That, in and of itself, makes today a very special day. Among other things Michael has achieved 15 months of sobriety and Thursday I will have achieved 2 months of sobriety! So, there is a lot to be celebrated and enjoyed! Yesterday Michael brought me roses of my favorite color for roses, yellow. He always manages to find these roses that are unique, they have reddish pink tips and are so beautiful and smell simply delicious. What a wonderful day this is going to be, what a gift to be sober and with the person I love most in this world!
“Love is something eternal; the aspect may change, but not the essence.” ~ Vincent van Gogh~
Tomorrow is our eight year wedding anniversary so I know I’m going to be busy tomorrow so I am posting this today. If you think about the number eight it is very cool because it is the symbol for infinity turned on it’s side. The number eight visually has no beginning and no end. That to me is the greatest symbol of true love! In eight years we have played together, fought together and against each other. We have seen good times and bad, but obviously there has been far more good than bad. We have seen hard times and easy times. There have been times when we didn’t know where our next paycheck was coming from and there have been times when life has handed us extra money. My favorite times have been playing music with you, staying up late playing a game of cribbage, or boggle. I love the fact that we can have these deep philosophical discussions and maintain the individuality of our thoughts on life, religion and politics and that we can peacefully agree to disagree. I love your smile and your blue eyes, I love the fact that you’re a stand up man and I love the fact that you take your knocks like a man, strong and resilient. I love the fact that you love me, with all my artistic craziness, all my womanly moodiness, and that you just love me for me. I just love you, happy anniversary baby!!!!
There are two lasting bequests we can give our children. One is roots. The other is wings. ~Hodding Carter, Jr.
My daughter has informed me that she’s leaving to Alaska on Saturday. She’s leaving and spreading her wings. I tried to explain to her that she’s leaving what feels like a cage here to a cage there. She’s running scared because she’s pregnant. I tried to tell her that changing scenery is not going to alter circumstance. Of course she won’t listen to me, I’m only her mother. She’s running away from me and herself to grandparents that she doesn’t know and they don’t know her. They are the ones that sent her the plane tickets, not just for her but for her boyfriend that is leading her around by the nose. Don’t even get me started on the boy’s mother. She’s just happy that a girl, my foolish daughter, is getting her lazy, good-for-nothing son out of her hair. Why did it have to be my daughter that finally got this lazy boy off his lazy ass and out of his mother’s home? My daughter sent me a message on Facebook that she wanted to see me before she left and I told her “no”. I will not apologize for refusing to see my daughter off to a foolish expedition without a plan or any foresight. I know me too well, anything I say to her is surely going to sound like judgment and it will come across harsh. So, I chose not to see her. I choose not to see her because as surely as the Earth rotates on it’s axis I know that if I try to speak to or look at my foolish child right now I am putting my sobriety at risk. I am not sorry to say that I am being selfish about my sobriety. I wish her the best, but deep down I already know how this is going to turn out and she will have to find out for herself. There are so many things wrong with this picture, her boyfriend’s mother is so happily throwing her child to the wind in her over-exuberance to have her son out of her house and on his own when he doesn’t have a pot to piss in or the knowledge of how to get a pot, and dragging along my pregnant daughter with him. His mother uses this fallacious argument that “I have raised my kid!” I could say to my daughter, “If it were me”, but it isn’t me and at this point she is going to make her mistakes and I’m only afraid that this is one that she is going to pay for dearly. I’m sorry for her because I think she’s going to realize her mistake but it’s going to be too late and her pride won’t let her tell me so.
I have decided to give Bongo Dog at Bongo Dog Blog the next Beautiful Karma Award. Bongo is a fantastically happy boy that goes everywhere this his owner will let him and then takes time to share his adventures with everyone. He even shares his adventures when he’s scared, like of thunder for instance, or when he’s in trouble, like eating Scratchy’s food. Bongo is such a playful , happy guy and he’s always there to share a sniff or some love, even with complete strangers. Congratulations Bongo, here’s your reward and your song.
“Better than a thousand hollow words, is one word that brings peace.”~Buddha
I have so many things that could upset me today, so many things that I could try and control today, so many things that could upset the balance of my universe. I refuse. I refuse to allow outside disturbances to put me on a path that does not lead to peace. Peace of mind and peace of heart. Pure peace and that alone shall stand. Yesterday my sunflowers needed to be cut down, they had been attacked by earwigs and were sickly looking. Yet, even though they looked sick, upon closer inspection I could see that they still bore the fruits of their labors. They were loaded with sunflower seeds. So, in apology for their early demise, I cut them down and offered the sunflower heads to the birdies and the squirrels. After all they might as well give their fruits back to nature. Much like life, some thing or some one may look sickly on the outside, however; if you look deep enough you can find the seeds of good offering themselves up for sharing and giving back in a spirit of peace and good will.
Love isn’t a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun, like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now. Fred Rogers
I have been avoiding writing this blog since the bomb got dropped. My daughter came home from a camping trip with her boyfriend’s family and informed me she was pregnant. I feel disappointed, but then that goes to my expectations that she was getting out of high school early and would have great plans for her future. Instead she moves in with me, meets this boy on Facebook and within a month of being with him she is pregnant. At first she wanted to abort, now the great plan is to carry the baby to term and give it up for adoption. I will support her decision, I may not like any of it, but I will support her. When my ex-husband and I separated we made the decision that Kira should stay with him because I was going to school, working and touring as a musician and my life was not conducive to raising a child. He, on the other hand, had a steady 9-5 job and had a stable home. This was all great, the bad thing about it was the time Kira and I spent apart, and then when he remarried the woman he brought into my daughter’s life did everything in her power to keep Kira and I further apart than ever, and she was a raging alcoholic to boot, worse than me I think.
Joe was over protective and Kira had no practical worldly experience at all. So, once Kira graduated and got her wings the first thing she did, within a few weeks of graduating, was to move in with me, meet a boy and get pregnant. She doesn’t see how much she has changed her life by stepping too quickly up to the plate of life and hitting a wild fly ball. She is staying with her boyfriend, but neither of them have any stability what-so-ever, no jobs, no car, no future and no plan. I am really in a quandary here. My mother and I have discussed it and Kira has a home here, but her boyfriend does not. I have made that perfectly clear. He needs to get his poop together and I am not going to support them both and neither is my mother. His dad got sick of them and booted them out, big loss there, his dad is living at a campground in an RV. The point is, they are running out of places to go and my daughter refuses to let this boy go and take care of her own self. The fact is I don’t really understand it, I don’t understand why she is doing this to herself. But, the fact remains that I love her, but I will not, under any circumstances get sucked into supporting her and her boyfriend, period! Maybe I am wrong, but that is how I feel.
I brazenly predict, my dear Aquarius, that in the next ten months you will fall in love with love more deeply than you have in over a decade. You will figure out a way to exorcise the demons that have haunted your relationship with romance, and you will enjoy some highly entertaining amorous interludes. The mysteries of intimacy will reveal new secrets to you, and you will have good reasons to redefine the meaning of “fun.” Is there any way these prophecies of mine could possibly fail to materialize? Yes, but only if you take yourself too seriously and insist on remaining attached to the old days and old ways.
Well that’s a cool prediction by Rob. Does this mean that I am going to tap into some level of my relationship with Michael that I previously didn’t know existed. Sounds exciting doesn’t it? We have been together a decade and August 12 is our 8 year wedding anniversary. Maybe Eros is trying to tell me something?
Always do sober what you said you’d do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Ernest Hemingway
Today is my birthday! Not in a literal sense of the day I was brought into this world. It is my 30 day birthday of the day I woke up and decided to get sober and embrace the idea of sobriety once and for all. Sure, I have had attempts at sobriety over the last 10 years, but this is the first time I have embraced being sober and have had every intention of staying that way! If you have followed my blog you would know that since I started blogging on December 31, 2011 I have been up and down in my sobriety. What has changed for me now is that I have found a support group, a sponge (sponsor), I have included my family in my sobriety, I have a therapist, I am working the program and my attitude has changed. Am I excited about having my 30 days? Hell yes! Even one day is hard, not to mention 30! 31 days ago I was in hell. I had fought my battle with the bottle over and over again until I was so exhausted from the fighting I was ready to give up once and for all, literally. I told Michael all I needed was a bullet and a shovel. Yes, I was in that black of a place. Today I am so grateful to my friends, family and the people who have given me their support and love. Today I am sober. Today I am happy. Today I am FREE!
Here’s a list of things I have accomplished in my sobriety over the last 30 days:
Learned over 20 new songs on guitar and vocals
Played 4 new gigs
Completed some new drawings
Started a dream collage
Made a plethora of new friends
Found out that I can love myself
Found out that I am stronger than I thought I was
Started forgiving myself and others
I’m sure there are many that I am not thinking of but the point is that I am moving forward in my life instead of standing in a puddle of stagnant water that was sucking me down into a hole I may not have been able to climb out of. Thank you to all who have helped me on my path and thank you to those of you who may not be aware that you did…..Peace, always….Jaz
“True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost.” – Charles Caleb Colton
Ok, I admit it. I am a dummy. One of my best friends, Gracie, has been on my mind and I have been meaning to go see her. For goodness sake we live in the same town, she’s only 13 blocks away. What is my problem? Well you know the song and dance, we get busy and wrapped up in our own lives. I’ll be the first to admit that since my daughter has been living with me my list of things to do has doubled. This isn’t only due to her presence here, but also due to the fact that, like most people, summertime is always a busy time with BBQ’s, summer activities and etc. For us, being musicians, we have tons of summer concerts we play and there is always rehearsal time and we are always on the go. So you know what I did? I blew it. Gracie is now in the hospital, she had a stroke and a heart attack and I didn’t get to see her until last night. I didn’t even know you could have both a stroke and a heart attack. What is wrong with me? She is looking so pallid, but she’s talking. She wasn’t mad at me for not coming before, but I know she had to be disappointed, as I was, that we are seeing each other under these circumstances. SHe is my daughter’s God Mother and I should have made an effort to go see her sooner. Yes, I am a dummy!
The last two weeks have been a trip! I can’t believe how much things can turn around, and how quickly. I feel like, even through my failures, I have ended up exactly where I am supposed to be. I got some very hard news yesterday, which two weeks ago would have dropped me to my knees. I was able to take the news really much better than even I could have expected. I couldn’t believe how calm and rational I was. Where is Jaz and what did you do with her mind? At any rate, I’m glad to be here and life is good. Frankly, for the first time in a long time I am not just along for the ride, I am actually driving and I have to tell you it feels spectacular!
Music is a moral law. It gives soul to the universe, wings to the mind, flight to the imagination, and charm and gaiety to life and to everything. Plato
After a lay off for almost a year we have picked up a new contract for a local gig. It is such a beautiful change. No road trips, no getting home at 4 am after driving anywhere from 2-6 hours to get to gig, setting up the PA, playing for 4 hours, breaking down the PA and then driving 2-6 hours to get home, bleary eyed and exhausted. I won’t even go into the money. Thank Buddha I was never in it for the money! I must really love music, either that or I am a complete and utter fool. If you are not a musician you probably don’t understand the joy and pain that goes along with it like a mixed bag of tricks. You stand on a stage and are vulnerable and naked to the eyes and ears of everyone who comes into contact with your sound. Why do it? For a pure and simple love of sound and feeling that can’t be experienced or felt any other way. There is nothing like playing music. It’s hard to explain, I guess you would just have to be on the same roller coaster ride musicians are on to understand.
A bee is never as busy as it seems; it’s just that it can’t buzz any slower. Kin Hubbard
I can’t believe how crazy, busy my life has been just in the last two weeks since the weather improved, and it’s not just the weather that is making my life crazy. For the last two weeks solid I have done nothing but spend 8 hours a day on the guitar. Now this may not seem like much to some guitar players, but for me, a lead vocalist by trade, it is a lot! It is paying off. I am doing some things I never thought I would ever be able to do on the guitar. My fingers hurt like hell and I have these fabulous callouses on the tips of the fingers of my right hand that are my badge of honor now, but it is paying off. Of course this isn’t the only thing making my life crazy. My garden is doing well. but it is a labor of love that I am really enjoying. Water every other day, weed twice a week and love, love, love. It’s paying off as well. My life is happy. I blame this bliss on sobriety. I can guarantee you that during the last 10 years I have lost more than my share of time and productivity to being on my face. I think of all the time I threw away drinking and I could just kick myself. If you have been there you know what I am talking about. Fortunately I am sober and finally starting to achieve some of the things that I should have done a long time ago. It’s sad that I could allow addiction to eat up so much of my life, but for me now everyday is a blessing and for everyday I remain sober that blessing is two fold! It may not seem like much, and maybe it isn’t but I will take it!
Le blog givré, pétillant et coloré pour tout ce qui me passe par la tête : mode, beauté, art, culture, cuisine, politique, société... / The frosted, sparkling and colorful blog for all that pass me through the head : fashion, beauty , art, culture, cooking, politics, society...
CYMRY 